Eternity may not be enough
by Lotus-01
Summary: AU to "Forever in a Day". Sha're and Daniel are reunited, but love might not conquer all as they try to adjust to a new life together. Finally Updated!
1. Not a Dream

**Title:** Eternity May Not be Enough

**Rating:** PG-13

**Category:** Drama/Romance/Angst

**Summary:** AU to "Forever in a Day". Sha're and Daniel are reunited, but love might not conquer all as they try to adjust to a new life together.

**A/N:** This started out as a nice, fluffy, Daniel/Sha're reunion story, but then I thought about all the issues that would be between them if they ever were really together again, and this was born. In the end, I thought it would be more interesting to explore what would obviously be a tenuous relationship between the two of them. May end up being an extremely long fic.

***

"Don't move"

It all ended here, with the gun he had pointed at his wife. No, not his wife, not his sweet, beautiful, Sha're. At Ammonet. There was a difference. It was Amaunet's look of disdain that was directed at him, not his wife's. He had to ignore the features he knew so well, the glistening black hair, the small, upturned nose, the joyous smile on her lips. He couldn't let his guard down, not now.

"Where's the boy?"

Daniel glanced around the tent, adorned with Goa'uld finery. It was small, there was nowhere she could have hidden a child. But he had to be somewhere.

"Where you and the System Lords will never find him"

The voice was hers, but so tainted by the deep timber of Amaunet that Daniel couldn't help but shudder. That the parasite inside his wife was manipulating her every action, defiling her beautiful light voice, sickened him. He could only raise his gun slightly as he noticed Amaunet's arm raise towards him. The Ribbon device.

"Don't"

It was not Sha're, it was Amaunet. Amaunet was trying to kill him, not Sha're. Not his loving wife who had whispered her devotion to him in the still of the night. It was Amaunet. He could stop all this, his finger rested on the trigger of his 9mm. He could incapacitate her, shoot her in the leg. The wound would be painful, but at least that would give them time to remove the Goa'uld. And he wouldn't be shooting his wife, he would be shooting Amaunet.

"Don't!"

But it was his wife. He remembered the last time he saw her, in the pyramid on Abydos. It was Sha're who had seen him behind the pillar, Sha're who had kept Amaunet silent. Behind those glowing eyes was his wife, looking back at him. And he couldn't shoot her. He wouldn't.

Amaunet caught him in her ribbon device, and it was a pain all too familiar. He saw the hate in her eyes, the same smug satisfaction he had seen in Ra and Klorel as they had tried to kill him. But Jack wasn't there to save him this time.  
He was alone and dying.

"No Sha're, fight it"

He couldn't move, couldn't think, he could only look into the eyes of his wife that were the eyes of his enemy.

***

When Daniel awoke his first awareness was pain and confusion. What had happened? Thankfully his vision cleared in a few moments, and he was greeted by the sight of his wife, her head resting at his side, her hand in his. He must be dreaming.

"Dan'iel, you're awake. He's awake!"

It was her. Sha're, not Amaunet. Her voice, her smile, which was soon replaced by the intrusion of Janet's penlight. Apparently satisfied, the Doctor withdrew, allowing him to again focus on his wife.

"Sha're…" he managed to choke out. He'd dreamed of this moment so many times, he wasn't sure if it was real. The warm presence of his wife's hand in his, however, comforted him.

"Yes, husband". It had been too long since he had heard her call him that?

"How?" The last thing he remembered was being in the tent of Amaunet's planet.

"I found you in the clutches of Ammonet's ribbon device" Daniel hadn't even noticed that Teal'c was in the room, so engrossed with the vision at his bedside. "I fired my Zatnikatel, rendering her unconscious". Daniel tore his gaze away from Sha're to see that Jack and Sam were also in the room.

"We contacted the Tok'ra" Sam continued, "They had a way to remove the Goa'uld".

"And we managed to save most of the Abydonians" Jack interjected.

"Sha're…"

She leaned in close to him, her fingers gently brushing his brow and he closed his eyes, relishing her touch. He barely heard his friends converse and then leave the room, and when he reopened his eyes, they were alone. He stared into her brown depths and a peace washed over him that he hadn't felt for three years.

He reached up to run his fingers through her hair, "There's so many things I want to say to you, I don't know where to begin…"

"Dan'iel" she halted him with a finger on his lips "You need to rest". Her smile faded slightly as she gently touched the red burn on his forehead. She bit her lip, holding back tears, "I love you, Dan'iel" she said, and laid a soft kiss on his forehead. Reluctantly, he felt his eyes start to close, and he could only mumble an "I love you, too" back to her. With the comforting weight of her head on his chest, he slept.

***

Sha're watched over her husband while he slept, as she used to do on Abydos before she was taken by the demon. She remembered Amaunet trying to kill him with the ribbon device, as she screamed inside. The last time she had seen him, after he had delivered her child on Abydos, she had noticed him behind the pillar in the pyramid. Amaunet was still weak after her awakening, and she was able to silence her, keep her husband hidden from Apophis. But she was powerless to stop her in the tent, Amaunet was too strong, and her hate for Daniel was great. She wanted him dead, and if Teal'c hadn't been there…

When she had awoken on Daniel's world, in what they called their "infirmary", there had only been her own voice in her head, and she was amazed. She had recognised O'Neill, and the blond woman that had come to Abydos the second time. A woman with hair the colour of fire had told her that she was safe, and free from the demon. Dr Fraiser, she had called herself, she was going to look after her.

"A doctor," she had asked "Like my Dan'iel?".

The woman had smiled at her and replied kindly "In a way".

She had wanted to smile back, but she was worried. Daniel wasn't at her bedside, and before she blacked out he was moments from death. She had panicked, tried to rise from the bed, but O'Neill had stopped her, told her that Daniel was alive, but unconscious. But Sha're would not be comforted until she had seen him. She had seen the looks the Doctor and O'Neill shared, but they had allowed her to cross the room, to sit at his bedside. She had wept at seeing the tormented face of her husband, and the large, red burn on his forehead. But she had stayed there until he awakened, only leaving for a few minutes, after Janet's suggestion she get cleaned up. It was certainly nice to experience the Tau'ri "showers" Dan'iel had talked so much about. And though their clothes were not the finery that Amaunet wore, nor the tradition robes of Abydos, they were comfortable.

Sha're sat by Daniel's side, her hand in his, while many of his people came to see him. O'Neill was a constant presence, which surprised her. He was worried about her husband, had an affection for him that was not present when he returned to Abydos. The blond woman, Sam, she had told Sha're to call her, she had brought her food and sat with her during the night. When Teal'c had entered the room, she had remembered him choosing her from the harem of women for the demon. But she also remembered the time on Abydos, when he protected them from the Heru-ur, and saved her child. He had stood silently by the bed of her husband, not daring to look at her as her asked her forgiveness. She had taken his large hard in her small one, forcing him to face her.

"There is no bad blood between us, Teal'c" she had said "There was nothing you could have done". If it hadn't of been her, it would have been another women possessed by Amaunet. Someone else's daughter, someone else's wife. She could not resent Teal'c, not when he had protected her husband for the past few years.

He bowed his head slightly. "Thank you, Sha're. But I have wronged you and Daniel Jackson deeply. I pledge my life to you, whenever you may need my service".

Many others had come by to see Daniel, to check on his condition, and to meet her. Everyone on the base had seemed to know who she was, although she had never me any of them. She was slightly confused by this, Daniel had always told her he didn't have any family, or anyone who cared about him on Earth. But the Tau'ri her husband worked with seemed to have a great deal of respect and admiration for him. And they knew her, told her how happy they were that Daniel had finally found her.

"You're something of a legend around here" O'Neill had told her.

"Did he talk about me that much?" she had asked, intrigued by her husband's behaviour on his home planet.

"Well…no" he had answered. "We didn't really ask, either. It upset him too much. But everyone on this base knew that you were the reason he was here, why he was out there".

"Sha're…" Daniel muttered as stirred on the infirmary bed. Sha're was at his side in an instant, stroking his hairline. It was habit from Abydos, and even though there was less hair to brush out of his eyes, it still felt natural. He squinted at her as he awoke "Sha're" he muttered again "You're here…you're finally here when I wake up". She looked at him, confused "Daniel?" He reached up to touch her cheek, stroking his thumb over her jawline "I used to dream about you…but when I woke up…I-I was always alone". Sha're leaned down to kiss him, to reassure him, but was interrupted by O'Neill clearing his throat. He looked uncomfortable, a look Sha're remembered from the Pyramid on Abydos, when she had kissed Daniel for the last time. Open displays of affection were common on Abydos, given the communal nature of their society. Her people were used to the passion shown between her husband and herself, and said nothing, apart from the open laughter and the taunts of her brother and his friends. But she remembered when they were first married, Daniel had been reluctant to show his affection in public. On his world, he had told her, it was considered rude for such affection to take place in front of others. So she stopped herself, her lips hovering just above his before she pulled away.

The three of them sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments. Daniel continued to stare at her, confused by her sudden withdrawal. O'Neill cleared his throat again, while Sha're toyed with a loose thread on Daniel's blanket. Luckily, Janet and Sam entered the infirmary, breaking the silence.

"How are you feeling Daniel?" she asked, moving round the bed.

"What?" he asked "Oh…good" a small smile appeared on his lips "Good". Sha're brushed his cheek fondly, it was good to see him smile through the weariness on his face.

"Uh, sorry to interrupt" Carter spoke up "But the General needs to see Sha're". Jack looked at the couple engrossed with each other on the bed.

"Right now, Major?" he questioned. He saw Carter eye them as well.

"I know sir, the General wanted to wait until Daniel had recovered but…" she lowered her voice "Maybourne's here, sir".

Goddammit, that's all he needed. He watched Sha're whisper something to Daniel, then attempt to stand. His brows came together, and he grabbed her arm desperately; "I'll go with you".

"I don't think so, Daniel" Janet said, easing him back into the bed "You're not going anywhere". She was rewarded with an irritated sigh from the patient "Janet, I'm fine" he spat. This could get ugly, Jack thought, there was no way Daniel was letting Sha're out of his sight without a fight.

But Sha're stroked his cheek to placate him, "I won't be long" she murmured. But instead of being calmed, tears formed in Daniel's eyes.

"Famous last words" he muttered. Sha're continued to caress his face, saying nothing but staring into his eyes. Gradually Daniel calmed himself and relaxed his grip on her arm.

"I'll go with her, Daniel" Jack spoke up. There was not a chance in hell he was going to leave her alone, not with Maybourne on base. Jack watched as Sha're kissed Daniel lightly before vacating her spot by his side, which was soon replaced by Carter.

He followed her out of the room, matching her even pace as they walked through the corridors of the SGC. She was still the picture of beauty she had been when they first visited Abydos, but he recognised a worldly pain in her eyes. She was no longer the impetuous, vibrant young woman that had captured Daniel's heart. She had seen death, and it had changed her. He just hoped their reunion was everything Daniel hoped it would be, they had both changed so much in the past few years. Their first test, he was sure, was waiting for them in the briefing room.

"O'Neill…Thank you for looking after my husband" Sha're spoke up from his side.

"Well I thought it was best to keep him around" he replied "He'd kinda grown on me".

Sha're turned her confused gaze towards him; "I…do not know that expression, O'Neill".

"Oh, well. It just means that I've come to realise what a…great man he is". It was something he would never say to Daniel's face, that he admired him, that he counted him as a close friend. "And call me Jack". He flashed her a smile, which quickly faded as they rounded the corner, finding themselves face to face with Colonel Maybourne.


	2. Maybourne

**Chapter 2**

There was a definite chill in the air as Sha're entered the briefing room. The bald man, Daniel's chief was seated at the head of the long table. She remembered he had been one of the first to come visit her while Daniel was unconscious. He had been formal, welcoming her to Earth, but she could sense a warmth and kindness under his attitude. She recognised it; her father had the same quality, a gentle heart buried underneath his responsibilities as leader. That warmth was gone now, and she sensed he was uncomfortable. Teal'c was also in the room, and shared in the General's discomfort. He was seated stoically at the table, but nodded his head to her in a small bow when she entered the room. Even O'Neill, standing beside her, visibly stiffened at the last man at the table. She didn't recognise him, but immediately Sha're felt uneasy in his presence.

In contrast to the others in the room, this man seemed completely at ease. A greasy smirk was plastered on his face, as if he was revelling in the tension in the room. His smile widened as he saw her, and Sha're's discomfort increased. The General forced a tight smile onto his face at their entry.

"Mrs Jackson, please take a seat" he said, gesturing to the empty chairs. Through her unease, Sha're also felt a slight amusement at the way she was addressed. On Abydos there were no such titles for a husband or wife, and she was very interested to hear Jack's explanation of the term 'Mrs'. Daniel's wife, he said it meant. His kin. She felt a rush of pleasure at hearing his name attached to her own, although she still preferred to be addressed simply as Sha're. She took as seat as close as possible to Teal'c, and saw Jack remain standing, placing himself between her and the man.

"Maybourne" Jack said, not bothering to hide his contempt. "I wish I could say it was good seeing you again…".

Maybourne's smirk only grew wider at Jack's remarks, and Sha're felt a shiver run through her body when he began to address her.

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs Jackson. I am Colonel Harry Maybourne, NID". Sha're didn't know what that meant, but thought better not to ask. The sooner she got away from this man, the better. Her silence didn't stop him, however. "My job is intelligence, Mrs Jackson. Information that can be used to safeguard this planet". She heard Jack scoff from behind her back, but Maybourne simple ignored the interruption and pressed on. "Being a former host to a Goa'uld means that you can be a great help to me" he said, and she felt his eyes devour her.

"You mean help in putting some extra stars on that uniform?" Jack cut in sarcastically. Never taking is eyes of Sha're, Maybourne continued; "A great help in the fight against the Goa'uld, Mrs Jackson".

"I…I am happy to tell you anything I know about the Goa'uld" she stammered, speaking for the first time. "Wonderful, Mrs Jackson. Unfortunately though" his smile became more sinister; "The facilities at this base are not adequate for obtaining that information". Maybourne turned to address the General; "I am here to take Mrs Jackson to Area 51".

"Not going to happen!" Jack exploded. "She's not going anywhere with you and your band of blood-sucking parasites".

"I wouldn't be throwing that term around loosely, Colonel O'Neill. As the General can see in my papers, it has been decided that Area 51 is the best place for the-"

"Interrogation?" interrupted Jack. "What do you plan to so, hook her up to a computer and suck out her brain?" The thought struck fear into Sha're's heart. For years she had suffered Amaunet's probing of the deepest corners of her mind, so forcefully even her memories didn't feel like her own. She could not – and would not – go through that again. She was about to announce this when the General cut in.

"_Colonel_ Maybourne. Sha're Jackson will not be removed from this base until I allow it. And I do not" his eyes grew hard. "You have always disturbed me greatly, Colonel, but now I am truly disgusted. I am ordering you to leave this base immediately. Alone".

"This isn't your jurisdiction, General, considering she isn't even from this planet!" Maybourne countered angrily, not moving from his seat.

Hammonds fist slammed down onto the table. "That's enough, Colonel! She is a guest of this facility and a citizen of this country through marriage"

Maybourne sneered; "Yes, well there is some question as to the validity of that marriage".

The room went silent. Jack was just relieved Daniel was back in the infirmary, because while he preached that there was always "another way", an insult like that would have sent him over the edge. He noticed that Sha're wasn't going to take it lying down either, her anger was barely contained. He was just about to lift Maybourne out of his chair and physically throw him from the room when he heard Sha're calm, steady voice. She was seething, he could tell, but like a diplomat she kept it contained, her voice even.

"Colonel. You do know what it is like to be a slave. I have been one most of my life, both physically and mentally. I have endured what no one should, been trapped and tortured within my own mind. Now that I am free from the Goa'uld, I not submit myself to you, to a slavery with a different name".

Maybourne shifted slightly in his chair. "You do not understand-"

"Do not speak to me further" she cut in, angrily now. "Do not take me for a fool, Colonel. I am the daughter of a Chieftain and am anything but innocent. I have witnessed more atrocities than you can even dream of, so do not think that you can intimidate me. Do not disrespect my marriage, Colonel, for it is you who does not understand". With that, she stalked out of the room without so much as a backwards glance, leaving the stunned Maybourne behind her.

The only other that seemed surprised was Hammond, who had not imagined such a ferocity to Daniel's lost love. Jack had known about Sha're's feistiness, he also knew it was once of the things Daniel loved about her. She had gathered together the boys on Abydos after all, and stood fearless against Ra's Jaffa that first time. If Teal'c was shocked by her behaviour, he didn't show it, but then again he had seen her fight and claw against the guards on Chulak trying to escape before her possession. Maybourne, on the other hand, was dumbfounded, stuck to his chair with an open-mouthed expression on his face. He had expected the girl to come along crying, but without much of a fuss. He certainly didn't expect himself to left speechless by her, to see his dreams of finally obtaining a former host disappear before his eyes. He barely registered Hammond dismiss him, but he noticed O'Neill's smug smile as he was escorted from the room.

In the hallway, he found his path blocked by six and a half feet of Jaffa.

"Do you recall, Colonel Maybourne" Teal'c began evenly "When I said I was within my rights to dismember you?" Maybourne gulped, nodding before Teal'c continued, a glint of malice in his eye.

"If you make any attempt to go near the wife of Daniel Jackson again, it will no longer be a threat". With that, he moved aside, and Maybourne felt a shiver run through him as he walked towards the elevator with as much speed as he could muster.

***

Back in the infirmary, Sam and Janet were trying as hard as they could to distract a very agitated Daniel Jackson. He was fidgeting with his bedclothes and constantly fussing about, changing position and trying to sit up. Sam was at least glad she hadn't let it slip that Maybourne was here, which she was positive would have resulted in Daniel pulling out his IV and crawling to the briefing room. He knew something was up, though, and kept probing her for answers, none of which he believed. Therefore it was to Sam's great relief when Sha're walked into the room. Daniel instantly relaxed, so relieved to see her again that he didn't notice the anger on her face. Sam noticed, though Sha're quickly hid it behind a brilliant smile as she took her place at Daniel's side. Deciding to leave the couple alone with each other, Sam headed towards the door, almost colliding with the Colonel as he entered. He too seemed strange, and she wondered what had happened in that briefing. Perhaps she would ask him later, he didn't look like he would be very responsive the questioning at the moment. She left, hoping to catch up on the research on P3X-672 that had been languishing on her desk since Monday.

Jack O'Neill, however, having witnessed Sha're's outburst in the briefing room, was determined to stay and see if she was alright. She seemed to be, next to Daniel, her head resting on his chest. Daniel himself seemed to have dropped off to sleep again, now that she had returned and Sha're seemed utterly content to listen to his steady breathing. Okay, O'Neill, she's okay, he thought. He's okay, they're both fine. He had to chuckle a little, though, thinking of Maybourne's reaction. The man had probably been surprised Sha're could even speak English, let alone tear him apart in it. He was just about to leave them in peace when he heard Sha're softly call him over. When he was beside Daniel's bed, she raised her head, and he saw a worry in her eyes.

"Are Daniel and I not considered married on your planet, Jack?" she asked him softly, so not to awaken her husband. That threw him for a loop. Maybourne had gotten to her, the bastard, and now she was worried she had no status on Earth.

"Well… we've never really had an interplanetary marriage before" he said carefully. "But I wouldn't worry about Maybourne. We'll go to the president himself if we have to, but there is no way he's laying a finger on you". He nearly found himself bowled over when she flung her arms around him, giving him a tight hug.

"Thank you Jack" she whispered into his chest. He returned the hug uncertainly, he had almost forgotten how.

"Hey" he said, causing her to look up from him. "Hammond has given Daniel a few weeks leave, and clearance to return to Abydos" he stopped her before she could protest. She wanted to stay here, and learn more about her husband's world, his life. "It's the safest place for you both at the moment, Maybourne won't be the only one trying to get a hold of you" Jack continued, his voice all seriousness. "When you get back, everything will be sorted. I promise". He gave her shoulders a final soft squeeze before leaving the room. There were weeks of bureaucratic bullshit ahead of him, Jack knew, but for once it all seemed worth it. Sha're, for her part, returned to Daniel's side, laying a soft kiss on his cheek before settling down beside him once again. Janet told her he would be released today, and she wouldn't have to wait any longer. They would go home to Abydos, and it would be just like it was before.

***

Sha're wandered through the living room of her husband's apartment. It was spacious, much bigger than their home on Abydos. It was filled with many artefacts, many trinkets that he must have gathered on his travels through the Chaa'pa'ai and here on Earth. The mantle was full of photographs, of images captured in time. Daniel riding a beast in front of a pyramid, a faded snapshot of young man and woman with glasses, his parents, she realised. There was one of his team, standing formally in their green uniforms, and another of them looking more relaxed, dressed in different clothing. Sha're felt Daniel's hands encircle her waist as he hugged her from behind.

"You have good friends, my Dan'iel".

She felt him smile against her hair. "Yeah. They're great". His gaze followed hers to the photos. "I have one of you" he whispered "It's on my desk at the SGC" his voice became soft, almost muffled as he buried his face in her hair. "It would remind me why I was out there, why I was fighting". Sha're turned in his arms, taking his face in her hands. "I almost gave up a few times" he continued, tears forming in his eyes, "But you were always there". He buried his face in her shoulder as his voice broke with emotion; "God, I missed you so much". She held him, allowing him to cry into her hair, whispering her comfort. Sha're had rarely seen her husband cry, she knew he usually bottled up his emotions, trying to hide his pain. In the first few months on Abydos, she was able to break down his barriers, convince him that he could tell her anything. She had held him then, too, late into the night as he spoke about his life on Earth.

She held him now, her hands running through his hair, it no longer twirled around her fingers, but it was as soft as before. She allowed a single tear to slip from her closed eyes. So many times she had dreamed of this moment, his body pressed against her, his arms around her. She had almost forgotten how good it felt to have him so close, so close she could feel the warmth that radiated of him and the softness of his skin. His abrupt tears had stopped now, and he raised his head to level with hers. She recognised the glint in his deep blue eyes, and smiled quietly to herself before his lips captured hers in a passionate kiss. It was the first real kiss they had shared in what felt like an eternity. Recovering in the infirmary she had not allowed herself that small pleasure, worried about his strength and even more so the several people who bustled around constantly. But now they were alone, and she almost wept at the joy of this one simple kiss, which grew more passionate by the second.

He pulled his lips away abruptly, and leaned his forehead against hers. From the look in his eyes and his ragged breathing, she knew exactly what was going through his mind. "Sha're-" he began, but she pulled his lips down to hers, not wanting him to speak. He was always so careful, her husband, so loving. He was reluctant in his mind if not in his heart, about returning to the physical aspect of their relationship so quickly. Worried about her state of mind, she knew, after what she had to endure with Apophis. She reassured him through her kiss, through her wandering hands as they lifted his shirt slightly, to caress the muscles of his stomach underneath. His arms tightened around her, and his lips travelled towards her neck, causing her to gasp slightly. It had been to long since she had felt this way. Far too long.

His fingers played with the hem of her shirt, but seemed unable to lift it off. Sha're sighed, kissing him again, urging him on. But he needed verbal reassurance. Words, always words with him, she thought. "Sha're, are you sure, I mean…" he started to say, but was silenced by her finger pressed against his mouth, soon replaced with her lips.

"You talk too much" she whispered against him in Abydonian, before taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom.

***

Sha're let her fingers wander over her husband's chest, covered in a thin sheen of perspiration. He had always been lean and soft, her Daniel, but he had changed in the past few years, now hard muscle was protected by taut skin. Not that she was complaining, for the softness had dissipated only in his body, thankfully his gentle demeanour remained intact. His eyes had drifted shut at her soothing caresses, but she wasn't going to let him sleep just yet. A small smile played on her lips and she traced a small mark on his collarbone that she didn't remember.

"Where did you get this scar Dan'iel?" she asked.

"Hmmm?" he murmured, blinking a few times before refocussing on her face. "Oh…um, a few years ago we found out Apophis was planning an assault on Earth" he began.

Sha're nodded. "I remember". Apophis had fumed for weeks afterwards, cursing the Tau'ri and even refusing to see Amaunet. She had taken great pleasure at taunting her demon with the strength of her husband's people.

"Well we found a way onto the ships but I was hit by a staff blast. I found Klorel's sarcophagus but it still left a mark" his tone was even but she could sense an undercurrent of pain in his voice. Sha're wondered how many times he had escaped death that way. Her fingers traced a line across his chest to a spot on his forearm.

"And this one?" she asked of the long gash.

"That was…um….mission to P3X-714 I think. The natives weren't exactly welcoming. Luckily they also weren't very good shots" he chuckled.

Her hand wandered down his side, "And this?" He took in a deep breath. "That's…I was on a dif in Egypt and well, fell into a tomb". Sha're giggled, and Daniel feigned outrage; "Don't laugh…it hurt!" She felt his hand cup her face as he gazed up at her "It's good to see you smile again" he said more softly, brushing his thumb rhythmically over her jaw. Sha're stopped her laughter and rested her fingers lightly on a mark by his hip, careful not to touch it.

"Dan'iel" she asked, all seriousness now. "Will you tell me about Hathor?" He froze, and she was worried she had gone too far. Perhaps he did not wish to tell her everything that had happened while they were separated. Perhaps it was too soon.

Daniel was conflicted. Hathor, both times they had met, was an experience he would rather forget. After it had happened, he promised himself that if he ever found Sha're he would tell her the truth, and that she would forgive him. But it was an entirely different notion to have her here, asking him, and to tell her. He was ashamed of it. The way he had acted, the way he let himself be used. But the gentle, probing eyes of his wife looked down at him, and he decided that to keep it from her would be a mistake. She withdrew slightly from him, drawing the bedsheet around her.

"If you don't want to tell me…" she said.

"No…" he interrupted, grasping her arm lightly and pulling her back towards him, "No, it's okay". Relieved, she rested her head on his chest, and he began to stroke her hair. He told her everything, from Hathor's arrival and her use of the pheromones on the men on base and her attempt to take over Earth. He swallowed heavily as he told her about her needing his DNA, and how exactly she acquired it. He laid out his betrayal to her, but she made no attempt to move from his embrace. When he was finished, tears had formed in his eyes, dredged up by long-suppressed memories. But she had smiled at him, perhaps pleased that he had not held back from her, not hidden the truth. But he was curious "How did you know about Hathor?" he asked.

"After fleeing Earth, Hathor came to Chulak" she began "In order to convince Apophis to ally with her". Sha're turned away from Daniel, resting her head on the pillow, uncomfortable, but continuing her story. "Amaunet hated her, she thought Hathor would try to take her place". She felt Daniel spoon up behind her, resting a gentle hand on her hip, urging her to continue. "Hathor recognised me, I don't know how, and told my demon all about her activities with you. Amaunet took great pleasure in taunting me with it". Daniel began to shift behind her uncomfortably, and Sha're scolded herself. She had decided not to talk to him about being a Goa'uld, it was too painful for the both of them. It was better that they focus on being together rather than that painful episode of her life. It was over now, anyway, Sha're decided, it didn't matter anymore. Amaunet and Apophis were dead, neither of them could hurt her or her husband again, that she was sure of.

Sha're feigned a yawn and turned around, snuggling into Daniel's side. "Sleep, now, my husband" she whispered. He tried to protest, but she wouldn't hear of it. He wanted to know every detail of her torment, everything she had felt these past few years. But he was still exhausted, and it didn't take much of an effort to convince him she had all the time in the world to tell him about it. They had three weeks on Abydos ahead of them, she told him, endless days with nothing to do but sit in the sun and make love under the stars. Her ploy worked, because he soon drifted off, mumbling softly about sand and pyramids. Sha're smiled and lay her head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heart in even rhythm. It felt so familiar, the feel of his body next to hers, and she soon fell asleep cocooned in his warm embrace.

***

It was close of two o'clock when Sha're awoke, a silent scream caught in her throat. Her ragged and irregular breathing filled the silence of the room, and she was sure the whole building could hear the pounding of her heart. She was relieved to find herself still next to Daniel, in his huge bed with the covers drawn around her. She was even more relieved to find that she had not woken him, that he still was sleeping as peacefully as she remembered. Her sleep certainly had not been peaceful. A cold sweat enveloped her as she made sense of her surroundings. No, she was safe. No longer in Amaunet's deadly grip, her voice deafening in her mind, Sha're unable to block it out. The demon was there, a gleam in his eye that she had tried so hard to forget. She was a slave again, as Amaunet used her mind and Apophis used her body. Sha're was not surprised to find tears streaming down her face, dampening the shirt Daniel had given her to wear to bed. Biting the inside of her cheek, Sha're willed the flow of tears to stop, lest she wake up Daniel. Then she would have to explain it to him, tell him everything and she wasn't ready for that. He looked so innocent, sleeping there beside her, had been so happy to have her back. She couldn't ruin that, spoil his happiness so soon.

Carefully, Sha're straightened the covers around her and lay back down at Daniel's side. Tomorrow, things would be better, she told herself. Tomorrow they would go to Abydos, and she would see her father again. The sun would beat down on her face once more, and the sand would fill in the gaps in her heart. Tomorrow, there would be no more dreams, no more visions of torture and death. Tomorrow there would be only her and Daniel, and the sands of her home that stretched out for an eternity.


	3. Abydos

**Chapter 3**

The sands of Abydos never changed. For a millennia they had stood, occasionally blown about and shifted by the sandstorms that came every year, but remaining constant through the ages. Not even the arrival of humankind, whose cities nestled in the dunes and mines which retrieved the naquadah mineral from the soil, had changed the landscape much. There would always be the sand and the blaring, intense sun on Abydos. The pyramid would always be to the west of the city Nagada, and south of the underground catacombs where the Map Room had been discovered. It was here, in the former pyramid of Ra, now the pyramid of Abydos, that Daniel Jackson sat in contemplation.

Several years ago he had sat in the exact same place, in the shadow of the Stargate holding an empty tissue box and trying to make a decision. He had often thought, in the subsequent years, that he had made the wrong one, that he should have tossed the box aside and gone home to supper. For the first time in the years that had passed between his decision and now, he was calm. The sand itched in his robes as it always had, and he could feel the heat of outside seep even through the stone walls, until it penetrated his skin and caused him to sweat slightly. But even that he didn't mind, because it was part of Abydos, and he had missed it in the harsh Colorado winters.

They had returned to Abydos the morning after his release from the infirmary, seen off by the ever-watchful General Hammond. He wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but he got the impression there was some political wrangling to be done and it was better for him not to be there for it. He was even more grateful to have returned when he saw an anxious Kasuf waiting for them by the Abydos Stargate. Sha're had been hesitant, her hand clutched tightly in his as she faced her father. She was worried that her family and friends would see Amaunet when they looked at her, that she would no longer have a place among her people. But Kasuf's face broke into a radiant smile as he opened his arms for his daughter. The old man had wept, praising the gods and the people of the Tau'ri. Above all he praised his good son who had brought his daughter back to him. There had been some fear among the people of Nagada for Sha're, who wore the face of their latest captor. But most remembered her as the daughter of their Chief Kasuf, the wife of their savior Dan-yel. They remembered her as their cousin, their niece, their friend. Her return initiated several celebrations, further proof that the evil, false gods could be defeated.

Daniel and Sha're had returned to their house in the heart of Nagada, whose walls were made from the finest cloth in the entire city. A wedding present from Kasuf. Someone had even woven the symbol for Earth into the cloth. Daniel was surprised it had not been torn down, or ransacked in their departure, but imagined Kasuf would not have stood for it. He had kept their home in the exact way they had left it, never giving up hope that his children would return. The hearth in the centre of the room, although it had not been lit for years, was still intact. Their bed, in the alcove in the corner, lay untouched, the soft woven sheets neatly folded. Cooking utensils and bowls and various artefacts Daniel had collected in that year were all in their proper place. Even his books, which he had not had time to collect before leaving, lay unopened and waiting. Daniel had replaced several of the books, having needed them in his work at the SGC, but having returned to them made it feel like he was returning home. They were the books he had taught Sha're English with, the only reminder of Earth he had during that year. In the margins and between the covers were various notes scrawled in Abydonian, various theories proved or disproved. Most of all he was grateful to see the Abydonian stars, and the first night he and Sha're slept below them in the open like they had so many nights before.

Sha're herself was safe back in their home, sleeping peacefully as she had done for the majority of the past week. He didn't begrudge her the constant, blissful rest, he was more than happy to spend the days and nights by her side in a deep slumber. It had surprised him, though. Sha're had never been one to spend her days lounging around. She had always been up at to watch the sun rise, and would often wake him up by fussing about their home, preparing breakfast and carrying out the early chores. He was hardly ever allowed to sleep late, and was often scolded by her for wanting to stay in bed. More than once she had employed more sinister methods of waking him up, by initiating activities she knew he would gladly exchange sleep for. But since their return she had slept as if she hadn't done so in years. She probably hadn't, he thought ruefully, locked in a constant battle with Amaunet.

Which brought up another difficulty. Daniel wanted her to talk to him, to tell him about what she had endured the past few years. Although he preferred not to think about the particulars of what she had been through, he thought it was best for both of them if it was out in the open. Daniel didn't want his wife to suffer alone, not when they could work through their pain together. But Sha're didn't seem too eager to share anything, changing the subject or trying to distract him whenever he brought up the subject. Ever since her rescue, she had been the same as he had always known her, his sweet, passionate wife who never let slip if something was bothering her. Outwardly, she seemed fine. But Daniel knew she must be hiding his pain from her. You didn't go through that kind of experience and come out completely unscathed. And it hurt slightly that she didn't want to share it with him, when he knew he could help her. Perhaps she was ashamed, perhaps she just wanted to forget, but Daniel knew she couldn't ignore it forever.

For the moment, however, he let it go. She would confide in him when she was ready, he told himself. For now he would enjoy the time they had together here, where thoughts of the Goa'uld were a million light years away.

***

Sha're smiled to herself as she heard her husband return. She had been worried, when she first awoke and her probing fingers had met only cool sheets. But he had returned, as she knew he would. He had hardly left her side the entire time they had been on Abydos, which pleased her greatly. In their lives before, Sha're would often have to tramp across the desert to the vile an tao or the pyramid in order to drag Daniel away from his discoveries. It had been a cause of frustration to her, but any anger she felt at him would always disappear quickly as he smiled and frantically told her of all his findings. And he always found a way to make it up to her.

Since they had returned, however, he seemed almost afraid of leaving her alone. This morning was the first time she had woken up without him at her side, the sun dancing across on his fair hair and skin. Careful to still appear to be sleeping, Sha're kept her eyes closed and her back turned towards the entrance of their home. She heard the soft rustling of his clothes as he disrobed, then felt his comforting presence slip into the bed beside her. His lips lightly kissed her shoulder before he settled himself again at her side. Smiling, Sha're allowed herself once again to be lulled to the sweet recesses of a dreamless sleep.

***

It was after noon when Daniel heard someone calling to him from outside their home. Groggily, he sat up, careful not to disturb Sha're, who seemed oblivious of the intrusion. Daniel saw the outline of Kasuf's shadow at the bound cloth that was their door and smiled. Kasuf knew better than to barge in, a tact which Skaraa and his friends had not learned in his time on Abydos. There had been many times during that year when Skaraa had walked in on the couple, and no matter how much it embarrassed Daniel, all he received from the boy was a wink and a cocky smile. Daniel smiled wistfully thinking of the young impetuous Abydonian, there was even more hope now that they had saved Sha're. Hastily pulling on his robes, Daniel exited the tent to greet a smiling Kasuf and mumbled an Abydonian greeting.

"Good Son, the day is fine! Do you and my daughter intend not to rise today as well?" Kasuf rebuked, but there was a twinkle in the old man's eye and Daniel could tell he was in good spirits. Daniel smiled in return.

"It has been a long time since Sha're and I have had the opportunity to rest, Good Father" he said, knowing very well that the word 'holiday' meant nothing to the man. "When I return to Earth-" he stopped suddenly, realising what he'd said. He had not discussed the possibility of returning to Earth with Sha're. When he first joined the SGC, he would not have hesitated when he found her, to return to their life on Abydos. But things were different now. Before he'd had nothing tying him back to Earth, could he really leave the SGC after all that had happened? The opportunity to discover and learn all about the universe? Not to mention leaving Jack and the rest of the team behind.

"Good Son, are you saying you will not be staying with your people?" Kasuf asked incredulously, interrupting his thoughts.

"The Tau'ri are my people as well, Good Father" he tried to explain. "There is so much I can do travelling through the Chappa-ai. So many people out there are in slavery like Abydos once was". He smiled as looked in the direction of his home, where his sleeping wife lay undisturbed. "But my place is with my wife. If Sha're wishes to stay, then I will as well". _All that matters now is her_, he decided.

Kasuf smiled and patted him on the shoulder. "Seeing you and my daughter again has brought a great joy to my heart, Dan'iel. It would only be bettered by the return of my other son" he said wistfully. "I give you my blessing, whatever your decision may be".

Daniel was surprised to find Sha're already awake and dressed when he re-entered their home. She was sitting quietly in the corner of the room, lightly fingering a small bowl that rested in her hands. Their wedding cup, he realised. If she had noticed him enter the room, she didn't show it, not even looking up as he moved to sit beside her.

"Do you remember our wedding, Dan'iel?" she asked suddenly, a strange softness to her voice that he couldn't quite identify.

He was quite taken aback by her question, and a little confused. "Of course I remember our wedding, Sha're" he said softly, moving slightly closer to her so he could rest a hand on her arm.

"It all felt like a dream" Sha're continued, lightly running her fingers around the lip of the cup. "I couldn't believe you had stayed for me. That you loved me". Daniel immediately moved to protest, to reaffirm his love for her, but she spun around quickly to face him, place her fingers over his lips. "I want to do the same for you, Dan'iel" she said, looking deep into his eyes. "I want to live and learn and love with you on Earth. I know that travelling through the Chapa-aii means much to you, and I want you to be happy". She moved her hand away from his mouth and withdrew slightly to gauge his reaction.

Daniel sighed, and took both of her hands in his. "_You_ make me happy, Sha're. We can stay here and pretend I never unburied the Stargate. Things can be the same again". He believed what he was telling her. It would be easy, he decided, to forget the past few years when he was in her arms, her sweet voice pushing all thoughts of gate travel from his mind. He could spend the rest of his life here in the desert he had grown to love, so long as she was there.

But Sha're smiled sadly, bringing up her hand to gently stroke his cheek. "But that this not what you want, and you know that". She moved to embrace him tightly, continuing to whisper in his ear. "But it is alright, my Dan'iel. I do not want that either".

Daniel closed his eyes and breathed in the sweet scent of her hair. "Are you sure, Sha're?" he asked, holding onto her tightly. She responded by pushing her weight against him slightly, and he slowly leaned back onto the floor. Sha're followed him, until she was lying against him, her lips hovering just over his.

"I'm sure" she murmured, before leaning down and removing the fraction of space between them.

***

The second sun on Abydos was setting on the eve of their departure when Sha're decided to ask him. The subject had been weighing on her mind since their return, and had only intensified after talking to her father about the matter. It was difficult, however, to talk to her husband about it, and Sha're had been putting it off. Daniel sat across the other side of their home, scribbling furiously in his journal. She had always tried not to disturb him when he was writing, so not to disrupt his 'train of thought', as he described it. But she could avoid the issue no longer, and stopped immediately in her task of grinding the yufetta flour for their morning bread.

"Dan'iel?" she asked tentatively, unsure of how to broach the subject.

"Hmmmm?" he replied, without looking up from his page of notes. "What is it Sha're?" he said in the same distracted tone.

"What if I asked something of you" she began hesitantly, "Would you do it for me, even if it caused you pain?" she was being deliberately cryptic, a part of her still wishing she didn't have to ask this of her sweet, loving husband.

"Sha're, if you asked for it, I'd bring you the moon" he declared boldly, abandoning his journal to sit beside her near the hearth. "I'd bring you the stars" he lightly kissed the spot he loved just below her ear.

She smiled ruefully. "But you have brought me the stars, Dan'iel" she said, arching her neck ever so slightly to give him better access. Her resolve was fading as he moved across her collarbone and down to her throat. Determined not to be distracted, she finally blurted out, "Would you bring me my son?" Daniel froze, immediately halting his ministrations and turned to look at her, shocked.

He hadn't even thought about Apophis' child since the return of Sha're, although he remembered Kasuf saying Amaunet had stolen him. Once again, their happy peace was disrupted by the Goa'uld, and Daniel couldn't help but sit there, open mouthed and stunned. Sha're, taking his shock for repulsion, withdrew quickly, turning away in shame as tears formed in her eyes.

"I know I should be happy, just to be with you again, Dan'iel. But the boy, he was mine. Not Apophis' or Amaunet's. I carried him. I loved him". Her hands came up to cover her eyes and stop the tears from overflowing. Her son meant so much to Sha're, even moreso because she had been herself while carrying him. It was her, not Amaunet, that felt him kick and stir in her belly. Felt him grow with each passing day. And while she used to sit here in this very room, wishing the child was her husband's, it didn't stop her growing to love him utterly.

Sha're felt the comforting presence of her husband's arms encircle her and willed herself to stop the flow of tears. It made her feel so weak, weeping so openly like this, and she wouldn't let herself be vulnerable. Not anymore.

"Sha're", he whispered softly, "I know". She felt his hands come up to cup her tear-stained face, turning her slowly towards him, so that she could see the love radiating from his eyes. "I know, Sha're what you felt for the boy. Because I felt it too". This truly surprised her, and she gazed up at him in wonder. "I delivered him, remember?" he continued, and she nodded, recalling the look on his face when he refused to leave her. "For that moment" he said, "It didn't matter that I wasn't his father or that he could be taken away at any moment. I loved him, too". Sha're flung her arms around him then, and he almost toppled over at the force of it. But he held onto her tightly, stroking her hair and whispered, "I love you. And they can't take that away from us. I promised you, didn't I? We'll find him". A smile reached her lips and she felt at peace again. Her son, who she hadn't been allowed to hold, or name, was out there somewhere. They would find him, just as they would find Skaraa. She was sure of it.

Carefully, she disentangled herself from Daniel's embrace, brushing the last of the tears from her eyes. With a light heart, she returned to grinding the flour, slightly disappointed that some of her tears had fallen in and made parts of the mixture clump. Humming slightly under her breath, she went to work, salvaging the batch as best she could. Daniel did not return to his journal, but remained seated beside her, transfixed at the woman he had come to love so dearly. Seconds earlier she had been in his arms, needing his comfort, and now she was practically singing as she slapped his hands away when he tried to reach for her again. Daniel simply chuckled softly and remained seated in the sand, watching the third sun of Abydos set behind his wife, illuminating her face briefly before bringing them into the darkness of night.


	4. Old Enemies

**Chapter 4**

Daniel and Sha're arrived at the SGC in the middle of a crisis. There was no one to meet them at the gate, nor was there anyone to welcome them home, with the exception of a lone Air Force Officer. Lieutenant Tyler, Daniel noticed, one of the less serious but nonetheless very amiable officers of SG-5. Tyler had been present on more than one archaeological dig off-world, so Daniel knew him rather well. But there was something wrong at Stargate Command, Daniel noticed immediately, if this was all the reception they received. Tyler's usual, cocky smirk was replaced by an expression of stone as he saluted to the pair. Most of the officers did that to Daniel, no matter how much he tried to persuade them it wasn't necessary.

"Dr Jackson, sir. Ma'am" he said, nodding to Sha're. Descending down the ramp, Daniel and his wife cautiously approached the obviously very perturbed officer. "I must escort you to infirmary immediately" he continued, and with that turned on his heel and walked out of the Gate room, keeping and close eye on Daniel and Sha're following behind. Another SF officer, whom Daniel didn't know, followed behind them, brandishing a P-90.

"What is wrong, Dan'iel?" asked Sha're in Abydonian, fearful of the situation.

"Just standard post-mission procedure" he reassured her gently. God, he hoped it was nothing worse.

Arriving in the infirmary, Daniel and Sha're were faced with an extremely frazzled Janet Frasier. Her head was in her hand, fingers massaging her temples as she paced the room.

"Dr Frasier" Tyler saluted. "Dr and Mrs Jackson" he presented his charges to the stressed out Janet. The doctor looked up and Daniel immediately noticed the haggard and exasperated look to her face. Wearily, she greeted them and indicated for them to sit down. Taking Sha're's hand, Daniel led her to sit down next to him on one of the infirmary beds that was not occupied. It was strange, Daniel thought, that there were so few beds available, and deduced that the overflow of patients was why Janet seemed so stressed.

It was then he noticed a young blonde woman he didn't recognise lying on one of the beds near where they were sitting. She was unconscious, extremely pale and hooked up to an IV. "Is she alright?" Daniel asked, indicating with a nod of his head, since Janet had a needle stuck up his arm.

The doctor sighed. "As good as someone can be after being shot twice. But she'll live" she replied tiredly.

"What happened?" Sha're asked, alarmed, clutching Daniel's other hand even tighter. He imagined it would take her a while to get used to all the injuries that happen around the base.

Janet looked uncomfortable, concentrating unusually hard on drawing Daniel's blood. Without looking up he said; "I think you'd better ask the Colonel about that".

Confused, Daniel continued to question her. "Why, did he do that to her? Has that got something to do with us getting the royal escort from the Gate room? What's going on, Janet?" he asked, frustrated.

Without answering, Janet pulled the needle from his arm, deposited the blood and moved onto Sha're. Looking at the unknown woman lying prostrate on the bed, Daniel knew there was only one person he was going to get answers from.

* * *

"What do you mean, you shot her?" Daniel asked, shocked at Jack's composed countenance. He was sitting at his desk, going over what Daniel assumed was the next mission briefing, calmly admitting to his actions regarding the woman upstairs.

"I mean I shot her, Daniel" he answered without looking up from his paperwork. "She was a threat to this base…we're lucky she didn't knock us off the first time round!" Daniel rubbed his temples in frustration. True, they had very closely escaped being the latest of Linea's victims when they released her from the Hadante prison, but by all accounts this…Ke'ra…was a different person. She had regained consciousness while he was in the infirmary, and he'd managed to talk to her, enough to realise that Ke'ra was no monster. She didn't deserve to be treated as the murderer Linea was.

What if someone blamed Sha're for all of the atrocities Amaunet committed? Daniel knew it wasn't the same thing, but he'd promised himself a long time ago to try and see the best in people, no matter their past faults. It had been that promise which made him see past the hard-nosed, suicidal Colonel on Abydos, had made him forgive Teal'c for his part in the abduction of Sha're. Ke'ra didn't deserve any less of his consideration.

"Look, Daniel" Jack began, looking up from his desk this time. "I know what finding Sha're has meant to you. You're happy, and you want to see everyone else that way too. But some people you just can't help". Daniel started to interrupt, but Jack cut him off. "She was about to kill herself, and probably half the people on this base with that little chemical she had. I had to stop her". Daniel knew that. But he also knew that what was planned for Ke'ra when she recovered may be far worse. No one would want to take the chance that she would try something, no one would ever believe that Linea was dead.

"What if there was another way, Jack?" he asked softly. "There's always another way."

* * *

Sha're sat cross-legged on one of the infirmary beds, watching Ke'ra fiddling with the bandage on her shoulder. She found it more comfortable to sit that way, not used to the high chairs the Tau'ri used. On Abydos they sat on mats and pillows, and the many years of sitting in that position had made it habit to her, even when on a bed such as this. Sha're had watched the woman for the entire time she had been in there, and her opinion of her had not improved. Sha're had listened to the conversation she had with her husband and was by no means impressed. She felt sympathetic to her, naturally. It wasn't Ke'ra's fault, after all, that Linea had been the way she was.

But still, there was something about her that irked Sha're. Perhaps it was the way she looked at Daniel, all doe-eyed and pouting. Sha're hoped that wasn't what she had looked like when she had first met her husband. It wasn't jealousy, she was fairly certain of that. She was secure in her husband's love. When he delivered her child on Abydos, when he looked into her eyes and told her it wasn't her fault this had happened, that he would always love her, she made a promise never to doubt him again. And she didn't, certainly not over this blonde. Still, the way she looked at him, the way she grabbed hold of his hand while telling her story, raised Sha're's hackles.

Still, as she was confined to the infirmary while Janet ran the last of her tests, she attempted to make small talk with the woman. They had talked first about Vias, and all the work Ke'ra had done to build their society. This had irritated her slightly, the woman certainly loved to talk about herself, a trait Sha're had always felt off-putting. On Abydos you let your actions speak for themselves, it was all very well and good to let others praise you, but to babble on about yourself? It was considered the height of self-indulgence and selfishness. There was no room for that in Sha're's opinion. But she listened, trying to sound interested. When the topic turned to her husband, however, Sha're felt her defenses rise.

Ke'ra had gone on about Daniel's qualities, his intelligence, his compassion, until Sha're had felt she'd had enough.

"My husband is the best of men" she finally said coldly, choosing not to use his name but instead his relationship to her. Petty, she knew, but she was concentrating very hard on keeping her composure.

"He is the only one who has not seen me as Linea" she said, softly, in a bare tone. "The only one not to see a monster". Sha're silently berated herself. This woman was obviously very emotionally unstable since regaining her memory. In a small way, it was similar to her own situation and she had done nothing but mentally debase her. Ke'ra, like herself, had the memories, the knowledge of committing a thousand crimes in cold blood, watching a thousand victims die, screaming in agony. The cold, numb feeling which she had not felt on Abydos returned to Sha're just thinking about Amaunet, and she understood Ke'ra's pain.

"I always thought I was so strong" Ke'ra continued in that quiet, bare voice. "I always thought I could outwit anything, survive any enemy". She turned to Sha're, and she was struck by the frightened look in her eyes. "But how to you fight it if the enemy is inside you?" she asked, not bothering to hide the tears that began to spill down her cheeks. Sha're remained silent. She had no answer to give.

* * *

Daniel switched off the television in his apartment and stretched languidly on the couch. The hockey game had been boring, and anyway, it was much more interesting to watch his wife familiarise herself with his home. Their home, he corrected himself. He hadn't really had time to show her around that first night back, although she had seen some of the pictures that adorned his walls and cabinets. Which reminded him of something he'd decided on Abydos. Purposefully, he moved into his bedroom and located his camera. Moving back out into the living room, he smiled as Sha're attempted to figure out his CD player. He snapped her picture while she fiddled with the buttons and knobs. While she examined his collection of CD's. While she tugged absently at the shirt she was wearing.

Daniel was touched to find out that his friends had been busy while he was on leave. When they returned, Jack had been proud to inform him that Sha're had been given full residence and citizenship to the United States, courtesy of the President himself. Apparently Hammond had made several lengthy phone calls over the weeks to ensure it. Daniel was touched by the gesture, and he knew Sha're was ecstatic. When they were finally free to leave the base, Sam had ushered them to her lab, where she presented Sha're with newly purchased clothes to wear.

"I wasn't sure of your size, but God knows they're better than BDU's" she had said, a happy smile on her face. Sha're had hugged her impulsively, taking the jeans, cotton shirt and sweater as if they were ceremonial robes. Daniel supposed it took a fellow woman to understand, getting Sha're earth clothes hadn't even crossed his mind. Although, he though sneakily, maybe he just liked seeing her in his old shirts that barely reached her thighs.

In all his pondering, Daniel hadn't even notice Sha're turn to stare at him quizzically. "It's a camera" he explained, knowing it looked different to the one she had seen briefly on that first mission. She moved closer to him, smiling wondrously. On Abydos, he knew she had always loved to hear of Earth gadgets like radio and cameras. Now seeing them must be thrilling for her. He took Sha're's picture again, not surprised that she was extremely photogenic, her natural beauty shining through her smile. Taking her into his arms, he kissed the top of her nose playfully. "Don't try to distract me," he said smiling as she ran her fingers down his cheek. "I'm going to take enough photos of you to cover the walls". He meant it, too. She deserved to be up there with the rest of his friends and family. Only having the one picture of her had made it more difficult for him to get through the past years. He wanted every moment they had together captured, if only to remind him that it was real.

But it was getting very difficult to actually take a picture of her, now that she was in his arms, her hands gliding down his chest. Taking the opportunity, Daniel moved to nuzzle her neck, breathing in the scent of her hair, delighting at her giggle. Pleased, Daniel playfully kissed his way up her neck, delicately nibbling her earlobe. So caught up in the moment, he barely registered Sha're grab the camera from his limp grasp and leap away from him, laughing. It wasn't too hard to decipher, a simple, point and shoot gadget, and she figured it out quickly. Leaning slightly against the back of the couch, she took his picture, first of the complete surprise on his face, then the delayed reaction of realisation. His devious smirk was the last thing she was able to capture before he flung his arms around her and they both toppled backwards over the couch. Daniel landed on his back against the soft cushions, Sha're, her shrieks of laughter petering out, lay sprawled on top of him.

With a brilliant smile, she lay the camera on the nearby coffee table in mock defeat and cuddled into him as his arms came to encircle her. They lay in silence for several minutes, and Sha're closed her eyes, suddenly feeling tired. Or perhaps it was contentment, she wondered, after all, a feeling of peace enveloped her whenever she was in his arms. But his voice brought her quickly back to the moment as he spoke seriously, the silliness of the past few minutes forgotten.

"Do you think I was wrong, Sha're? About Ke'ra, I mean" he said, doubt creeping into his voice.

Surprised, Sha're sat up slightly, so she could took at her husband's face. "Wrong, Dan'iel?" she asked, confused. He had often sought her opinion on many matters, back on Abydos, but this time she was at a loss of what he needed to hear.

"I mean…you know…wrong" he continued, licking his lips. "About wanting to help her. Convincing her to go through the Vorlix again and sending her back to her planet". He shifted a little, obviously distressed at his actions earlier that day.

"What if she remembers after all? What if she becomes Linea again and that whole planet suffers because of me?" Sha're sighed, absently toying with a button on his shirt. She knew that sometimes Daniel was too compassionate for his own good. He wanted to see the best in people, and unfortunately he wasn't always right and it got him into trouble. It wasn't naivete, she knew, it was simply a genuine desire to help others, and keep helping no matter what.

"Dan'iel" she said softly, stroking his hair, before he interrupted her.

"I just kept seeing you" he admitted, bringing up his hand to cup her cheek. "I saw you lying there, dismissed and alone. And I couldn't let it happen to her" he turned away, ashamed.

"Dan'iel, look at me" she said, forcing him to meet her earnest gaze. "You followed your heart, and the heart is never wrong. Just…misguided sometimes" she smiled, and was relieved when he returned a grin of his own.

"Jack called me a fool" he said, his grin widening slightly. Sha're, glad to see his moment of doubt had passed, leaned down to his kiss his upturned lips.

"You are a fool, Dan'iel Jackson" she said softly drawing away slightly to gaze into his clear blue eyes. "But I love you for it" she finished as she leaned down to kiss him again. She was caught off guard when his hands suddenly drew back the bottom of her shirt to tickle the sensitive skin of her lower back. Laughing in surprise and delight, Sha're fell further into the embrace of her husband, who was waiting to catch her tightly against his chest.

* * *

_She fought and clawed against the guards, but they were far stronger and held onto her tightly, dragging her into yet another finely adorned room. But she was too struck with panic and anger to notice the fine gold trim, expensive clothes and pure luxury of the palace which was her prison. He was waiting for them, the man who had taken them from Abydos, his gold robes gleaming. Screaming she tried once more to escape, biting the hand of the guard to her right, but to no avail. She heard the evil one chuckle before once again holding the up the light that was in the palm of his hand. She had seen it before, it was similar to the device Ra had tried to kill her husband with. The light paralysed her, she tried to scream, to fight again but she couldn't move, could hardly think. She barely noticed her clothes being ripped off, leaving her exposed. She wanted to cover herself, to hide the body her Dan'iel loved to caress as they held each other in the firelight. But she could not move._

_Next she was on an alter of sorts, and the being that appeared before her next struck fresh fear into her heart. It looked similar to a ral'eash, a desert snake, but far more deadly as it crawled over her skin. She could not feel it slither across her, could barely hear the man speaking to the demon. Of that she was sure, it was a demon, and it was ready to take her soul. She didn't feel herself being turned to lie on her back, or the demon move itself into an attack position. But she did feel the strike. It was worse than a thousand needles plunging themselves into the back of her head. It was fire and ice all at once, and did not stop as she found the ability to scream in pain and terror and agony. She felt it burrow itself into her neck, wrap itself around her mind and take her over. She could only cry out for Dan'iel one last time before the demon took possession of her body, mind and soul. _

Sha're awoke to the dead silence of night filled with her piecing scream. Desperately she clutched at the back of her neck, trying to free herself of the demon she had just felt invade her. Shaking, she recognised the surroundings as her husband's bedroom, not of Apophis' palace on Chulak. She tried to slow her erratic breathing, tried to still her shaking body before she woke Daniel up. But it was too late, she realised as he sprang into a seating position beside her.

"Sha're?" he asked, worry filling every nuance of his voice. Taking a deep breath, she wiped the tear that had formed in her eyes away and turned to face him.

"It was nothing, husband" she said softly, hoping there was no giveaway in her voice. "It was just a dream".

Moving to embrace her and bringing her back down to lie on the bed, Daniel asked softly "Do you want to tell me about it?" He was slowly stroking her hair now, letting his fingers entangle with her curls, like he used to on Abydos.

"I…I don't remember" she lied, not wanting him to know the truth. Only herself and Teal'c knew the intimate details of her blending, and she swore she would never let Daniel know how painful it had been. No, she had to stay silent, to spare him from the knowledge of her pain. Daniel was disappointed, and perhaps a little hurt, but he accepted her excuse without question.

"Go back to sleep" he whispered softly. "I'm here".

It took a long time for Daniel to let himself drift off, worrying about his wife and her apparent nightmare. He lay awake for some time, stroking her hair and occasionally placing small kisses to her forehead. But eventually he succumbed to his weariness, resting gently against her in slumber. Sha're didn't sleep at all.

* * *

There was the distinct sound of humming in the corridors of the SGC. Sam couldn't quite place the tune, but it was definitely coming from the direction of Daniel's office. Amused, she followed the sound, only to see a certain archaeologist seated at his desk working on a translation. It was something she had seen many times before, but this occasion was unique because he was actually sitting there, humming under his breathe. Occasionally a few muttered words came out of his mouth, and Sam recognised them as Abydonian. A folk song, perhaps? It didn't really matter, but she was sure his cheerfulness had something to do with their return from Abydos. It had been a little over a week since Sha're and Daniel had arrived, right in the middle of the Linea situation. Luckily, they seemed to have settled into a comfortable routine here on Earth, or at least that was how it looked to Sam.

"Daniel?" she asked, still standing at his door, an amused smile playing across her face. He looked up, and immediately his cheeks sported a dark red hue.

"Uh…hi Sam" he said, clearly embarrassed at having been caught out. "Oh…I want to say thanks for taking Sha're out the other day" he said, carefully steering the topic away from him singing. "She loved it". Sam smiled. Janet and herself had taken Sha're shopping after she arrived, saying it was criminal if she had to walk around in BDU's and that one outfit Sam had bought her while they were on Abydos. Daniel had been somewhat reluctant, probably not wanting to let Sha're out of his sight, but he had rescinded to the three women eventually. Sha're had been so eager to see the world outside the base and Daniel's apartment, commenting in wonder at everything she saw. When they returned, almost buried under shopping parcels, Daniel had joked they had sent him bankrupt. Sha're had kissed him, saying that she had bought some things with him in mind. That had shut him up, Sam and Janet trying to smother their laughter as they left the couple alone.

Sam was about to comment on the trip when they were interrupted by the blast of the PA.

"_Unauthorised Offworld Activation!" _

Rushing to the Observation Room, Sam and Daniel arrived just in time to hear Sergeant Davis tell Hammond; "It's the Tok'ra, sir". Sam smiled, and ran down to greet the Tok'ra representatives. She was slightly disappointed to see that it was Martouf and two others. Not her father. Any sense of pleasure she felt soon evaporated when she saw the grim look on Martouf's face.

"I'm sorry Samantha" she heard him say. "Your father has been captured by Sokar".


	5. Seperations

**Chapter 5**

"Sha're?" Daniel called out, surprised to find his wife sitting at his desk looking forlorn. He'd just come back from the briefing with Martouf, about Netu and Jacob Carter's capture. Daniel swallowed hard, he didn't relish telling Sha're he had agreed to go on the mission, especially without consulting her. Or maybe he would be spared, he realised, by the way she looked, knees drawn up under her chin, staring fearfully into space, she already knew. He wasn't surprised, the rumour mill at the base was insanely efficient. "Sha're…I have to go". He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. _Good one, Jackson_, he thought, _start a fight before she's even said anything_. He expected a witty retort, an angry jibe, a plead for him not to go into almost certain death.

But she replied quietly, too calmly for his liking. "I know". Something was wrong, he knew.

It was a small, niggling concern, but one he couldn't seem to shake off. Something was wrong with Sha're, he just couldn't quiet place his finger on it. In the passing weeks she had grown increasingly quiet and complacent. She smiled and joked with him occasionally, but to Daniel it seemed forced, like she was hiding something. What, he didn't know, and it was starting to frustrate him.

"That's all you have to say?" he asked, allowing his frustrations to come through. His Sha're had never been this passive, this accepting.

"What do you want me to say, Daniel?" she asked in that same, dull voice. He'd expected a lambasting, an angry diatribe, but all he received was a quiet acceptance. Didn't she care?

"I don't know…something other than nothing?" he was angry now, not so much at her but at his inability to read her mood, to understand why she was acting like this.

Sighing, Sha're rose, and Daniel noticed how sluggish her movements were. He knew she had a few nightmares, but they'd stopped, hadn't they? He was sure they had, he hadn't been woken up by her screaming in over a week. Carefully, she moved towards him, placing a hand on his cheek, and he was shocked by how cold her skin was. Her fingers were like ice.

"Do you want me to ask you not to go, Dan'iel? To stay here with me and let your friend suffer in Netu?" her words were harsh, but her tone remained even. "Do you want to argue with me about leaving, trying to convince me that this was all for the best, that you were certain you'd come home alive?" her hand dropped to her side. "If you did that, Dan'iel, would you be trying to convince me…or yourself?" With that, she walked from his office, leaving him stunned in her wake.

There was a truth to her words, as once again she'd voiced his inner misgivings. He didn't want to go on this mission, he wanted to stay with Sha're, hold her until eternity. He wanted her to ask him to stay, to know that she was as scared about being parted as he was. She'd been distant the past week, and he just didn't know why.

* * *

Sha're silently rebuked herself as she prepared herself for bed. Daniel still wasn't home, not that she was surprised after the way she'd spoken to him. There had been no malice, no anger in her tone, but she knew her cold words had hurt him all the same. A moment of weakness, she put it down to, after she had been going so well convincing him that everything was fine. Her nightmares were growing worse, but she'd so far been able to hide that fact from her husband. Luckily, she usually only woke with a start, and was able to stop herself screaming so not to wake him. It had worked, for the most part. But her melancholy during the day was harder to hide. She was angry at herself for feeling so depressed, so anxious all the time. She didn't know why she was feeling this way, like the whole world had frozen over, and her soul was withering. She was so tired, with the trouble she had sleeping, and there was no one she could turn too.

Sha're longed to throw herself into the arms of her husband, to cry on his shoulder and tell him everything, but she had promised herself she would remain strong. He had suffered so much at her hand, hearing about how unhappy she was would destroy him. Laying down in their cold bed, Sha're huddled herself to one side. It was so cold here, not only outside, but the chill had seeped into her very bones, into her heart. She couldn't let herself sleep, yet be tormented by nightmares, but even when awake, images flashed before her eyes. She saw Apophis' face, his eyes glowing menacingly, she saw her own hand destroy countless innocents, even children. She saw her son, stolen from her, she saw thousands of Jaffa slaughtered in battle by her order. But most of all she saw her husband, and the burn of the ribbon device marring his beautiful face. His eyes pleaded with her to help him, as the gun dropped from his grasp.

Tears spilled down her cheeks, and she chastised herself for being so weak. She was Sha're, daughter of Kasuf, wife of Dan-yel, and she would beat this demon. She would triumph. But the tears didn't stop, no matter how hard she tried to quell them. In the darkness of the room, she wept, leaving large patches of tears in her pillow. She couldn't fight it, and she was alone. Amaunet would not stop taunting her, she was alone, she was dead to all others. She was not deserving of her husband's love.

So strong were her thoughts and her tears that she didn't even notice Daniel come home. He rushed into the bedroom upon hearing her tears and in an instant she was in his arms, hearing his soothing voice him her ear. She willed herself to stop crying, and eventually feel silent.

"Sha're?" he asked, and she heard the utter desperation in his tone. Once again she resolved not to let him know the true purpose of her despair. She struggled to regain control of her senses, hastily brushing the remaining tears from her eyes before pushing herself away from him and back onto the bed.

"I am fine, husband" she said, as calmly as possible, and she knew he didn't believe her. Frustrated, he reached for her again, but she withdrew from his grasp.

"You're not fine, Sha're" he said, upset, "Don't lie to me. Was it another nightmare?"

Sha're froze, he was so close to the truth she couldn't bear it. Thinking quickly, she knew she couldn't deny it completely, she had to come up with something else.

Tentatively, she moved towards where he sat on the opposite side of the bed, and into his personal space. Relieved somewhat, Daniel took her into his arms and lay them both down into the softness of the bed. Nestling her head into the crook of his neck and shoulder, Sha're rested an arm against his chest.

"I'm sorry about what I said to you today, Daniel. I…I wasn't thinking" she said finally. She felt his fingers glide through her hair as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "I was so worried…I _am _so worried about what could happen to you on Netu". It wasn't a lie, she was frightened that they would be captured and killed by Sokar. She wasn't lying to her husband, she consoled herself, she …just wasn't telling the whole truth.

"I'm scared too, Sha're" he said softly, looking down at her tear-streaked face. "I don't want to leave you".

"Shhhh" she urged him, reaching up to place a kiss to the corner of his lips. "Go to sleep, my Dan'iel. Worry will not do either of us any good". She watched his eyelids flutter as he let himself rest, not caring that he had not changed for bed. Sha're lay her head on his chest again, although she did not close her eyes, still too awake with anxiety. Several minutes passed before Daniel's eyes snapped open again, and he turned her chin so that he could look into her eyes.

"Are you sure you're okay? There isn't anything else you want to tell me?" he asked, and Sha're noticed the pleading look in his eyes. He wouldn't force anything out of her, this she knew, but he was begging for her to confide in him.

Looking deep into his eyes, praying that there was no betrayal in hers, she replied; "No, Dan'iel. I am fine".

* * *

"It's not exactly Emerald City" Jack remarked, as they gazed at the enormous underground caverns of Netu. More than ever before, Daniel felt a sense of dread at their mission. How in the hell were they going to find Jacob in this place? He didn't quite trust Martouf's idea that they would convince the other denizens they could be trusted. It didn't seem likely the servants of Sokar would trust any stranger, let alone a pack of five wearing SGC uniforms. And as much as he believed in Sam, she didn't seem to be remembering all that much…at least, not something that could get all of them out of here alive.

But their hopeless situation was not the only thing that worried him. He could still remember Sha're's face when he stepped through the Stargate. She was smiling slightly, encouragingly, but she could not hide the tears that began to glisten in her eyes. Daniel felt so incompetent. His wife was hurting, and he was quite literally a million light years away. Last night he had allowed her to placate him, to stop questioning what was wrong with her. She knew he had been tired, and lured him sleep before he could probe her for answers. Sha're had always known how to play him that way, he thought ruefully, she could manipulate almost any situation. He regretted backing down, not being able to stand up to her, call her out on her lies. And he knew they were lies.

Oh, he was certain she was concerned about him going on this mission, and that was the cause of her apparent distress…on the surface. But there was a deeper issue, a more complex problem with his wife and it had been going on ever since they returned from Abydos. And Daniel was determined to find out.

* * *

Sha're didn't touch the plate of food she had helped herself to in the commissary. She should eat, she knew, but she simply couldn't bring herself to put anything in her mouth. She should be hungry, she hadn't eaten since the morning, when Daniel had left. She had kissed him desperately, in front of everyone in the Gate Room, but for once, he hadn't seemed embarrassed by it. Maybe because he was thinking the same thing she was – that it could be the last kiss they ever shared. Maybe that was why she didn't want to eat…didn't want to replace the taste of his lips with anything else. That may be true on some level, but she couldn't deny that she had lost her appetite recently. Food just didn't interest her. Sha're didn't know what was wrong with her, but she it seemed like there was nothing that was untouched by her recent melancholy. Normally she would have eaten the food excitedly, eager to try every new earth dish. The chef had commented that she seemed to be the only person on the base that appreciated the effort she put into cooking every day. But now she could only push the plate to the side wearily.

"Sha're?" she heard someone call her, and looked up to see the quick pace of Janet Fraiser coming towards her. She was dressed in civilian clothes, her usual white doctor's coat nowhere in sight. Sitting up straight, so not to clue the doctor in on her mood, Sha're greeted the woman in front of her.

"Sha're, what are you still doing on base? Surely the General isn't going to let you go home alone!" Janet sounded indignant, and once again Sha're felt she was being treated like a child by these people. She was not to go out by herself, she was not to do anything outside the base without someone else present. Daniel was the worst of them all, he barely let her get out of his sight. Even when he was in his office working and she was bored stiff he was reluctant to let her go. Now that he was offworld, she had a SF follow her around constantly, on General Hammond's insistence. Sha're had seen Daniel talk to him before he left, and whatever he said, the man stuck to her like glue. She was lucky if she was allowed to go to the bathroom alone!

Sighing, Sha're replied a little too harshly; "I am fine, Janet. Simmons is over there, guarding the door for anyone who might burst in and try to kidnap me". She waved to Lieutenant Simmons, ever alert at the entrance, watching her like a hawk. He nodded back to her rigidly. He wasn't such a pain to Sha're, he just took his assignment very, very seriously. She supposed she should be thankful so many people cared, but instead it turned into irritation. Janet noticed the interaction and smiled a bit.

"The security around this place is a little much, I know" she said kindly, "But everyone has your best interests at heart".

"Why is it that an annoying intrusion on someone's life is always defended by saying it is in your 'best interests'?" Sha're snapped, much more harshly than she had intended. Janet looked quite taken aback, and Sha're sighed and rubbed her eyes. She was just so tired. "I am sorry, Janet. It's just… I feel so suffocated" she tried to explain. "On Abydos, no one would even question whether I would be able to do something. But here… someone is watching every move I make". She shook her head, not knowing what else to say.

Looking sympathetic, Janet took her hand and said; "Look, what are your plans for tonight?"

Sha're laughed, a little bitterly. "Well, when I can force myself to finish this" she gestured to her half eaten dinner, "Simmons will escort me home, where he will spend the entire night…what were the words he used? "Patrolling and securing the perimeter" and I will not get a wink of sleep worrying for Dan'iel".

She looked up to see Janet looking grim. "Doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun" she replied, an idea forming in her mind. "Why don't you spend the night at my place? You haven't met Cassie yet and we'd both love the company".

Sha're was unsure. She didn't really want to spend time with other people right now, she wanted to be alone with her misery. But what were the customs of Earth? On Abydos you never refused an offer of a drink or a meal…it was considered and insult, no matter the circumstances.

"Come on" Janet coaxed, "I make a great Chicken Caccatorie". It did sound nice, Sha're thought, and she would get the chance to see more of Earth, or at least of…what was their city called? Colorado Springs, that was it. Before she could give any excuses, Janet pulled her up from the table. "Great" she said enthusiastically. "It's all settled, then. Simmons!" she called in what Sha're suspected was her best authoritative voice. She had used a similar tone many times before, when Skaara and his mischievous friends had gotten themselves into trouble again. Running immediately up, Simmons stopped right in front of them and saluted expertly. "Simmons, Sha're will be staying with me tonight, so consider yourself relieved" she said in a tone that didn't warrant arguing.

Simmons, however, didn't take the hint and began stuttering his objections. "Oh, no, Dr Fraiser, I can't, ma'am. General Hammond himself ordered me protect Mrs Jackson with my life-"

"Well that's very touching Lieutenant" Janet continued, "But Sha're will be perfectly safe with me, I'm sure the General will understand".

"But…but" Simmons continued, "I don't think Dr Jackson will understand, ma'am. He said very specifically not to let her out of my sight, and if I did, he would-"

"Would what?" Janet asked, a small smile creeping onto her face.

"Well, he gave me a choice" he glanced at Sha're. "He said I could let the Colonel demonstrate on me the things he learnt in Black Ops…or I could let Teal'c use me for target practice".

Janet had to struggle to keep from laughing, and even Sha're smiled with amusement. "Teal'c a crack shot with those staff weapons, you know, Doctor" he continued. "And Colonel O'Neill's Black Ops missions are classified for a reason…"

Barely containing her laughter, Janet finally conceded; "Yes, I see, Lieutenant. I suppose you'll have to come to dinner as well".

"Oh, thank you Dr Fraiser" he said gratefully. "I could never explain a hole in my chest to my girlfriend…" Shaking her head, Janet quickly herded the relieved Simmons and the smiling Sha're to her car.

* * *

"Old Mcdonald had a farm…E-I-E-I-O!" Jack sang in a tone that was both off key and out of tune. "And on that farm he had some…" he gestured to the group.

"Ducks" Daniel chimed in, trying to get his mind off the fact they were up a certain creek without any paddling instruments.

"With a…" prompted Jack, glad that someone was playing his game.

"Quack, quack…" Daniel continued.

"Here. And a…" Jack prompted again.

"Quack, Quack"

"There. Here a – "

"Quack"

"There a -"

"Quack"

"Everywhere a -"

"Quack, quack"

"Old Mcdonald had a farm…E-I-E-I-O!" Jack finished with flourish. He was about to start another round when he caught Martouf shaking his head in confusion at them.

"What?" Jack challenged.

"'Old McDonald' is an Earth song…chant really…designed to help children learn about farm animals" Daniel explained, but that did not remove the look of confusion from Martouf's face.

"A children's song?" he asked, ever bewildered by the strange habits of the Tau'ri.

"Yeah, well…not _just _for children" Jack jumped in. "I mean…um…well…Daniel?" he asked hopefully. But all he received was a slight shake of the head and a small, amused smile on the face of his friend. It was the first hint of a smile Jack had seen since leaving Earth…and Sha're. He hated Daniel having to leave his wife so soon, but he never doubted that he would come on this mission. It was just the way Daniel was. Jack was just concerned about Sha're, how she was coping. If that kiss she gave him in the Gate Room was anything to go by, she wasn't coping well. Sarah had given him hundreds of those kinds of kisses, before he went off on another impossible mission. Those were the kind of kisses that haunted him in Iraq, and what was probably haunting Daniel right now. Those kisses asked…begged him to return and he couldn't promise Sarah that. Daniel couldn't promise Sha're either, and the look on her face as she left said she knew that all too well.

Jack wondered how long it would take for the absolute bliss of having Sha're back wore off. How long before Daniel started to concentrate more on offworld missions and translations than her. It would happen sooner or later. Daniel had lived alone for the past three years, with hardly a semblance of a social life. His world consisted of the SGC, and Jack wondered how Sha're would fit into that world now that she was back. Jack didn't doubt Daniel's love for her…but he knew they had a hard road ahead of them. If they ever got out of this alive, that is.

He and Daniel were propped up against a wall in what had become their cell. They had found Jacob, barely alive, and Sam was tending to him. Martouf sat near them, adding assistance where he could, but Jack knew there was not much he could do, not without medical equipment or a healing device. How they were going to get out of this complete and utter mess was anybody's guess. And so, faced with zero options at the moment, Jack did what any good Air Force officer and colonel, responsible for the lives of his team would do. He sang.

"99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. You take one down, and pass it around…"

* * *

_Sha're screamed inwardly at the unimaginable pain in her head. Amaunet was inside her, squeezing her spine until she was sure it was going to snap. Normally she felt numb when possessed by Amaunet, but the demon had relinquished enough so that she was able to feel, but unable to control her own body. She was paralysed in agony as Amaunet's voice boomed in her head. "How dare you!" the Goa'uld queen screamed uncontrollably. "Try to escape with your Tau'ri husband? Keep him hidden from my lord?" The pain moved down her spine, to her belly, where her child had been until earlier that day. Sha're tried to clutch her stomach, scream her agony, but Amaunet would not allow it. There was only one comfort to Sha're, that she had seen Daniel. Daniel, her husband who still loved her, Daniel who had delivered her child, Daniel who she had been able to hide from Apophis in Abydos gate room._

_Another shockwave of pain ran through her. "Do not think that name!" Amaunet commanded. "Treacherous whore…I would kill you, were my lord Apophis not so pleased with this body". Amaunet's voice lowered now, still filled with malice, but not with anger as she decided on a more effective form of torture for her host. "Think, my pet, how Apophis and I will enjoy making another child to replace the one stolen by Heru-ur". Fear clawed at Sha're's heart, she could not go through that again. Oh, by the gods let her die first! "Oh, no, Sha're, I will never let you go. And this time I will not allow you to hide from the love of my lord". Sha're felt ice grip her entire body. She had found away to bury her mind away, to shelter herself from seeing through Amaunet's eyes. But no more. "You will feel every moment" Amaunet taunted her. "Every pleasure from my pharaoh, every cry from a slaughtered child, every pain when I torture the disobedient. And when I find you husband, you shall feel me kill him"._

Sha're whimpered into the night as she awoke. Breathing heavily, her hands moved quickly down her abdomen. Her fingers clutched at her nightgown, relieved to feel her flat belly. Safe. She was safe in Daniel's arms. But where were they? Blindly reaching out in the dark, Sha're only came into contact with cold sheets. Panic overtook her, as she leapt from her bed. Where was her husband? Slowly coming to term with her surroundings, Sha're realised this was not the room that she and Daniel shared. No, their home did not have lace curtains, or a flowered bedspread. Janet's guest room, Sha're finally realised. Calming down, Sha're lay back down on the bed. But she was too worked up to sleep, all she could do was stare at the ceiling and replay her nightmare over in her head. They were getting worse, and each one seemed more real than the last. Despairing, Sha're wondered if they would ever stop. Was she to be taunted with her past life forever, never to get another nights sleep? The thought sent a shiver through her body.

Drawing a robe Janet had lent her around her shivering body, Sha're moved cautiously in the darkness, trying to find the kitchen. She passed a sleeping Simmons, sprawled out on the couch, as he murmured in his sleep. Sha're flicked on the light in the kitchen, and blinked as her eyes adjusted to the light. Getting herself a glass of water from the faucet, Sha're swallowed it down in one breath. Then she took another. Her throat was parched, as if she had been screaming. By the gods, she hoped not. She wouldn't forgive herself if she had woken anybody up.

Sha're's worst suspicions were confirmed when Janet entered te room, wrapped in a similar robe and yawning.

"Oh, Janet, I am sorry" she said quickly. "I was just a little thirsty…" she lied. Perhaps Janet was just woken by her walking through the halls? Sha're hoped so. Yawning again, Janet sat in a stool by the kitchen counter, and gestured for Sha're to do the same. She tentatively took a seat next to Janet, still holding her half-full glass of water.

"You couldn't sleep?" Janet asked kindly, and Sha're was relieved…it sounded like she hadn't heard any screams coming from her bedroom.

"No, I-" she replied haltingly. "I am worried about Daniel" she finally decided on.

"God, I'd never get any sleep if I stayed up every time I was worried about those guys" she replied conversationally, but then Sha're noticed a change in Janet's expression. Here in the blaring light, Fraiser could see the dark circles under her eyes, the tired wrinkles around her mouth, and was concerned. "Have you been having trouble sleeping a lot lately? She asked, trying to sound light, but the worry in her tone showing through. Sha're withdrew slightly, running her fingers over the condensation on the glass.

"Only since I knew about this mission" she lied, knowing that Janet wasn't going to believe her. But what could she do? Tell a virtual stranger something she could not even tell her husband? No, this was the only way, Sha're decided.

"Ah" Janet nodded, not bothering to call, Sha're out on her lie. In her experience it would do no good. Sha're would just keep on denying it and then she would clam up, leaving Janet with no options. "You know, Sha're" she said, trying a different route. "On Earth doctors have to take an oath, to protect their patients, mainly, but it also includes something about confidentiality. That means if you want to tell me something, I'm not allowed to tell anyone else, not even Daniel".

"Really?" Sha're asked. "We do not have that custom on Abydos. There are no secrets between families". She didn't trust herself to look at Janet. The doctor was quick, but Sha're would not let her secret come out.

"Sha're" Janet tried again. "I only want to help you. Anyone can tell you haven't been sleeping, and I can tell you haven't slept properly for at least a week" her voice became softer. "This is to be expected for someone who's been through what you have. I can help…"

Sha're stood up abruptly. "I don't need help" she said shortly. "I am fine" she declared, before walking from the room, leaving a distressed Janet in her wake. Sighing to herself, Janet made her way to bed. Physical ailments were her specialty, but she'd taken psych at college like all the other medical students. Though she may try to convince herself and everyone else that she was fine, Janet knew Sha're needed help.


	6. Chatter

**Chapter 6**

Ignoring the desperate desire to cough his lungs out, Daniel moved slowly to the opposite side of their cell, to where Martouf was leaning against a wall. Sam had just been taken, and the man was looking a little lost. Jack was nursing his wounded leg, and Daniel had been ordered to leave him the hell alone.

Daniel felt a little apprehensive talking to Martouf, it was obvious how he felt about Sam and he didn't want to provoke him with inappropriate questioning. But, at present, there was nothing they could do but wait, and Daniel needed some advice. He'd had a long time to sit in the dark and ponder, and he wasn't exactly making any progress with his thoughts.

The subject on his mind, was of course, Sha're. When they got back – If they got back - how was he going to tell her about Apophis? To admit that her torturer and rapist was out there, alive and furious over the death of Amaunet? He had enjoyed gloating over Apophis earlier, but any pleasure soon dissipated at the thought of admitting to Sha're that he had been at Apophis' mercy. He knew she was having problems that she wouldn't open up to him about, and this might make things between them worse than ever. Sighing, Daniel lent against the wall next to Martouf, who opened his eyes and gave him a small smile.

"How are you, Dr Jackson?" he asked conversationally. Daniel was relieved that Martouf was speaking to him, rather than Lantash.

"I'm fine. I just…never expected to see Apophis again…hoped never to see him again" he admitted, crossing his legs and leaning back flat against the wall. Martouf nodded, understanding.

"And now he rises to threaten Sokar" he said sombrely. "This could be dangerous for the Tau'ri".

"More than usual?" Daniel asked.

Martouf turned to him, his face grim. "Yes, Dr Jackson. The Asgard treaty will not protect you from the goa'uld who rival the System Lords. Fortunately for you, Sokar and the others have no interest in conquering Earth at the moment".

"But if Apophis rises to power…" Daniel chimed in, understanding.

Martouf nodded; "Apophis credits the people of the Tau'ri with his downfall, and it is more than likely he would want to extract revenge".

Daniel removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes, the fumes were starting to give him a headache. "No doubt he blames us for Amaunet, too", he said softly, trying not to think about what Apophis would do to Sha're if he got his snaky hands on her.

Martouf was silent for several moments, before he gave Daniel a soft smile. "All of the Tok'ra were very pleased to hear of the recovery of your mate, Dr Jackson".

Daniel smiled a little bitterly, "No doubt you were more interested in the death of Amuanet than the recovery of Sha're" he said.

Rather than looking affronted, Martouf replied calmly; "Do not mistake my sincerity, Dr Jackson. It is true the High Council was thrilled to hear of Amaunet's death, but many of us were equally glad to see your wife returned to you. Myself and Lantash especially". His voice grew quiet. "We know what it is like, being separated from a loved one".

Of course. Daniel had never thought about it in that way before. When Jolinar was on the run from the Ashrak, Martouf would have been completely in the dark about where she was, if she was okay. Only to be eventually told she was dead. Daniel was just relieved he hadn't suffered the same fate.

"I'm sorry" he finally said. "It must be hard for you to be here".

He saw Martouf bow his head and he was certain he saw the beginnings of tears in his eyes. "It is" he admitted, his voice wavering slightly. Martouf turned towards him, and Daniel saw a glint of hope in his eyes. "But it gives me comfort as well, knowing that she defeated this place. Jolinar and Rosha….they were both so strong" he finished, a small smile playing on his lips.

Daniel contemplated this for a moment. "Martouf?" he asked, and the young Tok'ra drew his attention back to Daniel. "You said you and the Tok'ra could never get Jolinar to admit how she escaped from here?"

Martouf nodded. "That is correct, Dr Jackson. Jolinar did not wish to speak of it, not even to me".

"And that didn't ever both you? To know that she was keeping it from you, that you couldn't help her?" Daniel felt his own pain and frustration bleed through his words. He regretted them immediately when he saw Martouf's face flush with anger.

"Of _course _it bothered me. She was my mate and couldn't confide in me, couldn't trust me!" Daniel withdrew in surprise, he had never seen the calm, restrained Tok'ra so emotional, so volatile. He saw Martouf's head bow, then heard his voice change to the low timbre of the goa'uld within him.

"Lantash" Daniel acknowledged, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"Forgive Martouf, Dr Jackson. He is often ruled by emotion, like so many of your kind".

"Well, that's not necessarily a bad thing" Daniel countered.

Lantash smiled wistfully at him. "No, it is not" he replied. "But I sense you are in need of counsel".

"I am" Daniel admitted. "I was hoping for some advice".

Lantash cocked his head slightly before answering. "It would be my honour to counsel you, Dr Jackson, but it puzzles me why you would not seek guidance from Colonel O'Neill, or Major Carter. Or even Selmak, if your situation was relating to the goa'uld".

Daniel bit his lower lip, not knowing if he should confide in the Tok'ra. Trying to push his doubts aside, Daniel pressed on. "Well, you see, your situation with Jolinar is quite unique – "

"Then your problem is about your mate", Lantash interrupted.

"Uh…yes" Daniel answered. "Well, it's not so much as a problem rather than a concern and maybe a worry – "

"Perhaps you should just tell me of your – concerns – Dr Jackson, and I shall give you my opinion".

"Right". Daniel swore that the Tok'ra was laughing at him. He had this amused smile on his face he usually saw on Jack when he was caught up in explaining some ancient culture or archaeological discovery. Ignoring the look, as he always did, Daniel tried to put his deepest worries into words for Lantash. "Sha're" he finally began, "Has been having nightmares. I know it's only natural, given what she's been through. God knows I get them sometimes, with all I've seen through the gate, this particular place being a prime example of dream fodder, and I know they must be a million times worse for her – "

"Dr Jackson" Lantash held up a hand to silence him. "We perhaps do not have a great deal of time".

"Right". Daniel pinched the bride of his nose. Definitely a headache…which was quickly turning into a migraine. Sighing, Daniel continued. "She denies it, but I know she doesn't sleep. And it's not just the nightmares. She's so quiet, now. Sha're was never quiet. She was never passive. And I don't know what to do". His voice cracked slightly. "I don't know how to get her to talk to me". He let his head drop slightly to hide the pain in his face.

There was a long silence before Lantash answered, in what Daniel believed to be his best sympathetic voice. "The Tok'ra have removed goa'uld symbiotes from many hosts, Dr Jackson. Their recovery is not easy, or quick. I would advise you to be patient. As for Jolinar…I did not push her into revealing the details of what happened to her in this place". He placed a comforting hand on Daniel's shoulder. "Some things, Dr Jackson, are better left alone".

Daniel wasn't convinced. "But I can't leave it alone. I have to help her" he said desperately. He noticed Lantash bow his head and become Martouf again. Daniel saw a sadness in his eyes he couldn't quite describe.

"I never got the chance to help Rosha, Dr Jackson" he said. "I believe Sha're will come to you when she is ready". Daniel nodded, watching Martouf lay his head back against the stone and close his eyes.

It was probably good advice, but it hadn't made him feel any better.

***

_Daniel let his fingers dance over the keys in a lilting rhythm. The piano had been his mother's, and he remembered her teaching him to play. His chubby, five-year-old fingers had slipped in all the wrong places, but his mother simply guided him back. He had improved in the ensuing years, but he hadn't actually played since – when? College, he supposed. It had sat in his apartment ever since his return from Abydos, and he sat at it sometimes, never daring to touch the keys. But now he played. The sheet music was in front of him and he played Mozart, his mother's favourite. Daniel's fingers hit a wrong key and he winced at the jarring note. He stopped, but he felt a hand slowly cover his, interlacing with his fingers. Sha're._

_"Do not stop, my husband" she said softly, and he saw the tears in her eyes. "It was so beautiful". She had asked about the instrument not long after they had returned from Abydos, and insisted that he play for her. Sha're had always loved music, and rested her head against his shoulder, listening to the song with joy. "I've been out of practice" he admitted, staring at their intertwined fingers. Sha're laughed then, softly. _

_"But will you teach me, Dan'iel?" she asked, "Will you teach me your music?" Consenting, he placed a small kiss to the corner of her mouth, and relished her face when she smiled in happiness. _

_They sat in a companionable silence for a few moments, until Sha're withdrew her hand from his, urging him to play again. He heard Sha're humming softly along with the melody, and he let her voice and the low tones of the piano keys wash over him. _

_"Dan'iel?" Sha're asked suddenly, as she sat upright. "Hmmm?" Daniel concentrated on continuing to play and listen to his wife. "Have you found our where my son is?" Daniel's fingers slipped and smashed down onto the keys, immediately stopping the song. He turned to his wife questioningly, why would she bring up the Harcesis?_

_But Sha're pressed on. "You said you would try to find him for me. Have you?" There was a tone in her voice he didn't like. It sounded strange coming from Sha're. It was harsh, when seconds earlier she had been all sweetness and light. _

_"Sha're" he started, "You know I would tell you if I knew where he was. All you've given me is some vague mythological reference". _

_Sha're contemplated this, then turned to face him again, eagerly. "Yes. Tell me about it again, Dan'iel" she said. _

_"Sha're" he pulled away from her slightly. "I've told you everything I know". Something wasn't right. _

_Suddenly, Sha're burst into tears and turned away from him. "You do not love me!" she wailed. _

_Shocked, he reached out to embrace her from behind. "That's not true, Sha're. You know I love you. I've always loved you" Daniel said, confused. _

_"No you don't" she sniffed. "If you loved me, you would tell me about the child"._

_"But" – wait. Wait, this wasn't real, it couldn't be real. Sha're would never accuse him of this – never question his love – not after that time on Abydos. This wasn't his piano, or his apartment. This definitely wasn't his Sha're. He pulled away from her violently, and ignore the fresh tears that spilled down her cheeks. "This isn't real" he repeated to himself. "Stop!"_

"Stop!" Daniel wailed, his head in his hands. Apophis' hate-filled face was before him. Oh, God, he remembered now. He'd used her, he'd used his Sha're like he'd used her so many times before. Even on Earth she wasn't safe from him, this parasite who had destroyed so many lives. Filled with rage, Daniel launched himself at Apophis, for once abandoning his principles of passive aggression and attempted to strike the fallen System Lord. He could kill the bastard. But, weakened as he was from the Blood of Sokar and the mental torture, Apophis easily saw him coming and struck him down. Daniel landed violently against a nearby table, spilling the entire contents onto the floor. Apophis stilled his First Prime with a gesture, and stepped forward to deliver another blow to Daniel's head. This sent him crashing to the floor and Daniel moaned in pain.

Apophis stood over him, striking fear into Daniel's heart. "I will take great pleasure in killing you slowly, Daniel Jackson" he said. "And you will die knowing that I will conquer your world, and retrieve the host of my mate. She will serve me for eternity". Daniel could barely whisper out a feeble "No…" before Apophis readied his ribbon device. But Sokar's voice filled the room, halting Apophis and drawing his attention to the broken crystal device. Daniel remained on the floor, relieved for the distraction. He noticed that among the items that had fallen from the table was the Tok'ra communicator. Acting quickly, Daniel reached out to grab it and hold it to his chest before the Jaffa even noticed he had moved. Apophis, distracted by his conversation with Sokar, indicated that they take Daniel away. Grateful he was not going to meet his end, Daniel tried his best to hide the communicator while the Jaffa roughly dragged him from the room.

They just might have a chance after all.

***

Sha're waited anxiously at the base of the Stargate as it sprang to life. The Tok'ra had informed them that SG-1 and Martouf had retrieved Jacob Carter and thankfully, all of them were alive. Strangely, though, the news that her husband was returning did not alleviate the anxiousness Sha're had experienced the past few days. She couldn't sleep in her husband's big, empty apartment, but she dare not return to Janet's. She couldn't handle the doctors incessant questions. Most of her days were spent here, in the SGC, although she actually did little. She had tried reading some of her Daniel's books, but she couldn't concentrate and many of the terms were foreign to her.

When the General had given her the news that Daniel was alive, and coming home, she had been so relieved. But she still felt unbalanced, uneasy, and she couldn't explain why. Maybe it was because as soon as Daniel stepped through the gate, he would notice the heavy bags under her eyes, her tired face and demand an explanation she couldn't give him. She watched in silence as Sam stepped through the gate, supporting a very weak Jacob Carter. Teal'c supported a slightly limping Jack, followed by Daniel, although uninjured, looked as worse for wear as any of them. She barely noticed the General welcoming them home, and greeting Jacob, her eyes were only for Daniel.

Sha're felt as if the world was moving in slow motion. She couldn't move towards her husband, and it seemed like an eternity before he walked down the ramp and reached her. They stood opposite each other for several moments, and Sha're noticed the bruises and scratches on his face. His mouth was open slightly, and he was staring at her, as if paralysed. Finally breaking the silence, Sha're flung herself into his arms, almost knocking him backwards with the force it. But he steadied himself and wound his arms around her tightly, not daring to let go.

They made love desperately that night, both knowing how close they had come to losing each other again. Afterwards, Daniel had broken down in her arms, admitting to her that Apophis was still alive, and what exactly he had done to try and get him to reveal everything. Sha're had held him in her arms, stroking his short hair and whispering comfort. She was not afraid, she had said, she did not fear Apophis, even if he was still alive. Nothing could come between them again. Lying had become so easy to Sha're, almost second nature after almost two months living with Daniel, denying anything was wrong.

He was sleeping now, his bare chest exposed to the moonlight that filtered in from the window. Yellowed and healing bruises scarred his soft skin, and Sha're traced the marks lightly. She wondered how many times he would come home from a mission, bruised and bloodied, so injured he could barely move. How many times she would have to nurse him back to health, how many nights she would have to spend in the infirmary instead of in their bed. Sha're contemplated just how much her life had changed, and how much it had stayed the same. Daniel was her constant, she knew, as long as he was with her she could be strong. Resting her head on Daniel chest, she put an arm around his waist and pulled him close, listening to the gentle tandem of his breathing.

But she didn't sleep.


	7. Breaking Point

**Chapter 7**

The briefing room was quiet, besides the collective chewing sounds of three members of SG-1 and General Hammond. The plastic container sitting on the table in front of Daniel contained the source of the silence, half full with cookies. As Jack strolled into the briefing, he immediately spied the offender and helped himself to a particularly large helping before sitting beside Daniel and stuffing the cookie in his mouth.

"Pretty good, Daniel. What are they anyway?" he asked, his mouth still full of crumbs.

Daniel had the decency to chew and swallow before answering. "Uh, Sha're made them. I'm not really sure what's in them, other than chocolate". He had woken in the morning and reached out for her, only to find the sheets cold. He had risen to the smell of baking wafting from the kitchen, and still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, had found Sha're hard at work. Several batches of cookies lay on baking trays, and she was in the middle of mixing up what was probably going to be a cake. She had noticed him, and smiled broadly, explaining that Janet had taken her grocery shopping while he was away, and she was eager to try her cooking skills on this new, Tau'ri food. Having been handed a cup of coffee, Daniel could only stare in amazement as she worked in his kitchen as if she had been doing it all her life. He didn't think his oven had ever gotten such a workout.

He remembered on Abydos Sha're had enjoyed the process of cooking as a means of release. She had told him that even grinding yufetta flour was fulfilling, if you needed to get your mind off something. Nothing like turning seeds to powder with the strong stroke of stone, he supposed. But before he could question her further, she had packed a batch of cookies into a container and hurried him out the door. Snapping back to the present, he caught Jack grabbing another cookie from his batch and tried to swipe his hand away. The colonel only grinned wolfishly at him as he took a large bite.

"I think I can taste a little cinnamon" Sam supplied, taking her own substantial bite.

"And several other Tau'ri spices," Teal'c intoned, resuming his careful and precise consumption of his own helping.

"Whatever it is, you can tell Sha're she can cook for me anytime" Jack announced, swallowing the last of his cookie. Daniel anticipated his next move and snapped the lid shut on his container. There were only two left and he wanted them for himself.

"Well now that everyone's here, we can start the briefing. Major Carter?" General Hammond tried to resume the order of the room. But, Daniel wondered, how can you take a man seriously about military matters when he had cookie crumbs all over the front of his shirt?

***

"Damn!"

Daniel swore under his breath and cursed his clumsiness. He had been reading Sam's preliminary report for the upcoming mission, but had been distracted by thoughts of his wife. He had picked up the photograph of her that sat on his desk, but it had slipped in his hand and crashed to the floor. Daniel bent down to retrieve it, noticing the protective glass had been shattered. He would need to get a new frame. The photograph, thankfully, was still intact. He tried to pick the remnants up carefully, but a shard of glass slid out of the frame and sliced his palm. Daniel reeled back in pain, almost losing his balance as he clutched his wounded hand. Just what he needed. Laying the broken picture on his desk, Daniel found a small dustpan to clean up the remainder of the glass before attending to his hand. It was only a small cut, but he figured he might as well take a trip to the infirmary anyway.

Thankfully, the infirmary was relatively empty, with no over-zealous nurses in sight. Only Janet was there, looking over SG-13's latest bloodwork. Seeing him enter, she smiled and abandoned her reports, clucking indulgently as she saw the cut on his palm, rushing off to fetch antiseptic and a bandage. He sat on the end of his usual bed, trying to ignore the stinging in his hand.

"So how has Sha're been since you got back?" Janet asked conversationally as she attended to his wound.

Daniel winced as Janet liberally applied antiseptic. "Alright" he answered. "She said you helped her while I was gone" he continued gratefully. "Thanks for that, Janet".

She smiled warmly. "No thanks needed, Daniel. It was lovely to get to know your wife. Cassie loved the company".

"I'll bet" he replied, thinking fondly of the young Cassandra. There were not many people she could talk to freely, without worrying about giving anything about the Stargate away.

"I've been meaning to ask you, Daniel" Janet's tone turned slightly more serious. "How has Sha're been coping here on Earth?"

Daniel stiffened slightly. Should he tell her about Sha're? "Why do you ask? Did she say anything to you?" he was slightly defensive.

Janet sighed. "Daniel, you know if Sha're did tell me anything, I wouldn't be able to tell you about it".

"But she's my wife, Janet!" he pulled his hand away. "You should tell me if you know anything, as my friend".

Janet pulled his hand back to her and continued to apply the bandage. "Nothing overrides doctor-patient confidentiality, Daniel" she said in her precise, no nonsense tone. "And it's a moot point, anyway, because she hasn't said anything to me".

Daniel's shoulders sagged. He shouldn't be harsh on Janet; she took her responsibilities as a doctor very seriously. "I am worried about her," he admitted. Janet's eyes softened, as she finished with his bandage and moved to sit beside him on the bed. "She always seems uneasy, or secretive, and she's been having nightmares – I think they're about the Goa'uld".

"Daniel," Janet began, "It is not uncommon for people to suffer after a traumatic event. Victims of rape, or violence, or war, often experience a sense of displacement afterwards."

"You mean -"

"Post-traumatic stress disorder" Janet finally said. "It is common, Daniel".

He was shocked. "But I thought that only happened to-"

"People who have suffered a life-altering and traumatic experience?" Janet supplied. "Think about what your wife has been through, Daniel. I would have been surprised if she _didn't _suffer from something like this". Shell-shocked, Daniel could barely string a sentence together. How could he have been so blind? He had thought she was just simply having a few nightmares, that she would come to him when she was ready, and everything would be okay again. But what if they were just manifestations of a bigger problem? Something he couldn't help her with? "Calm down Daniel" Janet's soothing voice cut through the raging voices of guilt in his head. "Post-traumatic stress is only one possibility, and a worst case scenario" she continued. That calmed him down slightly.

"Can you tell me about it?" he asked finally.

Janet took a deep breath. "It is different in every case" she began. "PTSD manifests itself after a traumatic event, like I said. It was first documented medically after the First World War, but it has been around much longer than that. It is not a sign or insanity or personal weakness, but a difficulty in coping with the victim's experience. Symptoms can be the continual reliving of the trauma, including nightmares, severe anxiety, trouble controlling their emotions. Physically a person may have trouble sleeping, and can become excessively agitated or live in a constant, unexplainable fear".

Daniel clenched his fists. Janet's words were hitting far too close to home for him. Licking his lips, he was finally able to ask, "What about – is there a cure?"

"I won't lie to you Daniel" she said hesitantly. "There's no magic cure for Post-traumatic stress. But there is therapy, and in some cases, medication -"

"Therapy?" he said bitterly. "Those are my options? Turning her over to Mckenzie or pumping her full of drugs?" He stood up in anger.

"Daniel" Janet stood up with him, trying to keep her voice calm. "You don't even know for sure that's what's wrong. Have you even talked to Sha're?"

"No". Daniel admitted. "She never used to keep anything from me. I was waiting for her to open up by herself".

Placing a reassuring hand on his arm, Janet spoke again. "I don't think that's going to happen, Daniel. Sha're needs to know you're going to be there for her before she's going to come to you. She's probably afraid".

"Afraid of me?" he asked, disbelieving.

""Afraid of hurting you, maybe" she said reassuringly. "Afraid of opening up, admitting that she needs help". Daniel nodded, understanding. "Talk to her Daniel" Janet said finally, escorting him from the room. "Just talk to her".

***

"Sha're?" Daniel called, letting himself in the front door. Immediately the strong smell of disinfectant assaulted his nostrils. Confused, he walked into the living room, as the smell grew stronger. He noticed the kitchen was cleaner than he had ever seen it, the fridge sparkling white and not a dish, glass or bottle in sight. Feeling uneasy, Daniel almost tripped over his vacuum cleaner, lying at the doorway to the living room. Hearing the thump, Sha're jumped and whirled towards him. Seeing Daniel, she relaxed, but only slightly. She was standing in the middle of the room, rearranging a pile of papers he had left on the coffee table. Sha're was dressed in a pair of sweat pants and one of his old shirts, tied at her waist, exposing a slight rim of her belly. She had obviously been at it a while, judging from her unkempt hair and flushed cheeks. There were various cleaning products lined up on the coffee table.

"Uh, Sha're. What are you doing?" he asked.

"I thought I'd have the place nice for you. It wasn't the cleanest place in the world" she tried to shrug it off, but Daniel saw through her. He felt as if he'd stepped into some godawful fifties sitcom. She had never minded his clutter before, he knew her apparently full day of cleaning was just like her cooking – a distraction. "You're home early" she finished, and by her tone she didn't sound like she was happy about it.

Stepping over the vacuum with care, Daniel made his way over to her where she was standing in the middle of the room. "Sha're, we have to talk" he said, trying to take her hands in his own.

But she pulled away and picked up the glass cleaner and a cloth. "What about?" she asked nonchalantly, moving to the windows with purpose.

"About you" he answered, heading her off and gently pulling the equipment from her hands.

"But I am fine, my husband" she smiled sweetly, but Daniel wasn't fooled.

"Don't lie to me," he said, more harshly than he intended, and mentally kicked himself. The idea was to make her feel safe, not antagonise her into a fight, he reminded himself. "You're not fine" he said, much more calmly. "I know you're not fine".

"Dan'iel" she said, a coquettish smile appearing on her face. She moved in to kiss him, but he turned his face away from her.

"No, Sha're. You can't distract me this time". He took her hands again and led her towards the couch. She was visibly upset, and refused to look at him, staring ahead at the wall. "I know about you're nightmares, Sha're. I know you can't sleep. Ever since we got back from Abydos something's been wrong with you. You haven't confided in me and until now I've let it go. But not anymore". He saw Sha're bite her lip and furrow her brow. "We're going to sit on this couch until you talk to me". A shudder went through her body and he tried again, trying to make his voice as soft as possible. "Please talk to me" he pleaded, moving to take her hands in his own. "It hurts that you don't trust me", he admitted.

She didn't pull away, but Sha're was unresponsive for several moments. Finally the dam broke and she burst into tears. Grateful for at least some response, Daniel took her in his arms and whispered softly to her. She turned in his embrace and buried her face in his chest as she cried endlessly. Lifting her head to face him, the tears continued to flow as she took his face in her hands. "Oh, my Dan'iel I love you" she cried, "I love you and I'm so sorry". She put her head against his neck and he felt a fresh flood of tears against his skin.

"Hey, hey" he said softly, stroking her hair, "Sorry for what?"

Her voice was muffled by his shirt, but he barely heard her say; "For hurting you". Startled, he drew her head up to meet his eyes again.

"No, Sha're, no. This isn't your fault" he tried to reassure her.

"Yes it is", she insisted. "I've hurt you, because I thought I was protecting you. I was so wrong, my Dan'iel". She brought up a hand to wipe away her tears. He lifted his own to cup her face, to caress her cheek with his thumb.

"Protecting me?" he asked, confused.

"Yes" she fought to restrain her tears. "I didn't tell you about the dreams, about my feelings. You were so happy that we were together again…I didn't want to spoil that". She bowed her head, realising her error. "I want to be happy, Dan'iel…I know I should be happy. But…I just feel so wrong all the time" she admitted, not daring to look him in the eye.

"Sha're, look at me" he entreated. "Look at me!" he begged when she did not obey. Hesitantly, she raised her head and he placed a firm kiss to her lips. "I love you, Sha're. Nothing can take that away from us, remember?" She nodded, although her dark eyes threatened to overflow again. "Whatever this is, whatever you are feeling, we'll get through it together, okay?" She smiled then, a small, but promising smile. She leaned heavily into his chest and he lay them both back down onto the couch. Cradling her in his arms, he swore that whatever it was, they would get through it.

***

It was late in the evening when Daniel awoke, still on the couch, with Sha're in his arms. By her breathing he could tell she wasn't sleeping. "Sha're?" he asked. "Are you okay?" He toyed with her hair, then laid a hand on her hip.

"I have trouble sleeping, my Dan'iel" she said softly. "When I close my eyes I see them".

"The goa'uld?" he asked.

"Yes".

He didn't push her any further, he was just grateful she was starting to open up. He hugged her gently and placed a kiss to her hair before letting his eyes flutter closed again.

"He loved her," she said suddenly, and Daniel felt his eyes fling open again.

"Who?" he asked, confused.

"Apophis".

"Loved who, Amaunet?" He could hardly believe what he was hearing.

"Yes".

That threw Daniel for a loop. He remembered the time when he had Apophis in his grasp. _No, I don't think that's possible. _He wouldn't believe that his monster was capable of love, not when he killed and enslaved and raped whoever he chose. But evidently it was not only possible, but a reality. God, what Sha're must have gone through, he thought.

"Not in the way you love me, my Dan'iel" she spoke again, her voice soft. "But close". Slowly, she stood up and moved to stand by the window, her frame silhouetted in the moonlight. Daniel sat up, waiting for her to continue. "He had loved her for a thousand years, but when he was defeated in battle by Ra, he feared she would be used against him. Apophis concealed her in a Canopic jar, and kept her in stasis, until Ra was dead. That's when he came to Abydos". Daniel wanted to move towards her, to take her in his arms and banish all thoughts of Apophis from her mind, but he was rooted to the spot. "That's why he hated you so much, my Dan'iel. He could never have her completely, because my soul belonged to you. At night I would dream of you, and it was the only thing that kept me going. But you were never there, not really". Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks and Daniel instantly crossed the room to take her in his arms.

He held her tightly and whispered his love for her. "I'm here now, Sha're" he whispered into her hair. "I'm here and I love you. And I want you to tell me everything".

Her hands gripped his shoulders and she leaned up to place a chaste kiss to his lips. "It will pain you to hear it, my Dan'iel" she protested quietly.

"It will hurt more if you don't, Sha're, for both of us". He reached down to take her hand, and intertwined their fingers. "Trust this, Sha're. Trust me". He kissed her again, and gently wiped away her tears with his fingers. He broke away from her and crossed the room to the piano. His hands lingered over the keys for a moment, before he began a song he knew by heart. It was his mother's favourite, and he would make her play it for him before he went to sleep. The lilting tune was soft and fanciful, the music resonating throughout the room. Sha're slowly made her way across the room to join him on the piano stool. She laid her head against his shoulder and sang wordlessly along with the music. Hope filled Daniel's heart as he heard the richness of her voice. Her arms reached around his torso, embracing him tightly. All her troubles seemed to have lifted out of her face, and for the first time in weeks, her eyes sparkled. It would not be this easy, for her to recover, he knew. It would be long and hard on both of them. But he also knew that she would sleep tonight.


	8. Pretenses

**Chapter 8**

"Sha're?" Daniel called to his wife, dropping his keys and paperwork unceremoniously on the table. A few months ago he would have just stayed on the base finishing the various translations and reports that continued to pile up, but things were different now. For one thing there was actually a reason to return to his apartment every night. Daniel smiled to himself as he fished out the box of chocolates from his pile of papers and went in search of that reason.

The lights in his living room were lit, illuminating Sha're's sleeping form on the couch. A book Daniel recognised as one of his weighty academic tomes lay open on her chest. It was a difficult book to understand for one not trained in the historical or archaeological field, but it was no doubt a last resort as his apartment did not have a great selection of reading material. Although this scene may have, in any other case, cause him to smile indulgently, he couldn't help but be concerned by Sha're's obvious discomfort. Her sleep was a fitful one, her brow creased as she murmured incoherently, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. He was at her side in an instant, sitting beside her sleeping form, reaching out his hand to her cheek. He had hoped to wake her gently, but as soon as he touched her, she began to struggle. Daniel grasped her shoulders, trying to pull her into an embrace.

"Sha're" he whispered to her softly, struggling to keep her flailing arms from hitting him in the face. "It's me. I'm here" he soothed her. Suddenly the movement stopped as Sha're awoke and allowed herself to be pulled into Daniel's arms. Her tears started then, dampening his shirt as she pressed her face into his chest. He continued to whisper soft comfort to her, placing tender kisses to the top of her head. His arms gripped her tightly as he allowed her to cry her sorrow out. He had become used to Sha're's outbursts, her moody behaviour, with sudden fits of tears and general melancholy. They were heartbreaking, but usually brief, and Daniel had decided, far better than hiding her true feelings from him. He had learned to wade them out, to not push her into revealing her demons. She would usually tell him what was troubling her, and this time was no different.

Sha're pulled herself from his embrace, using the sleeve of her sweater to unceremoniously wipe the remaining tears from her face. Daniel noticed a small smile on her lips – her thanks to him. The first few times this had happened, she had apologised profusely to him, and thanking him for his understanding, for his support. He had, of course, told her to stop, that he did nothing for her that she did not deserve. But she still gave him a grateful smile, a non-verbal apology.

Daniel reached down to retrieve the box of chocolates, lying forgotten at the base of the couch. "I bought these for you" he said, pushing the box carefully into Sha're's hands. "Sam says chocolate is the only cure for the blues…uh…..when you're not feeling as well as you should" he hastily added, knowing Sha're still had trouble with the expressions he took for granted. Sha're brushed her fingers reverently over the box, before removing the protective plastic and opening the box. Daniel was relieved when he saw her smile at the assorted colours and shiny wrappers within. He moved closer to her, one arm around her shoulders and resting the other on her knee. "You see, the pictures on the box tell you which chocolate is which" he said, indicating the inside lid. "There's strawberry centres, white and dark chocolate and my personal favourite" he said, nuzzling her ear slightly, "Caramel fudge".

Sha're giggled quietly, and reached into the box, carefully choosing a milk chocolate with hazelnuts. He watched the movement of her hands, unwrapping the treasure slowly, before placing it in her mouth. Daniel watched her eyes flutter closed as she revelled in the rich taste of it, the flavour assaulting her tongue. "Nice?" he asked, smiling like a Cheshire cat. She nodded, swallowing and allowing herself to open her eyes and draw her gaze to him.

"Thank you" she said simply.

"You're welcome" he said, placing a gentle kiss on the exposed skin of her shoulder, before deftly stealing a caramel for himself. She swatted at him playfully and he grinned wolfishly at her, plopping the tender treat into his mouth. These were the moments he lived for.

They sat in silence for several minutes, relaxing on the couch while Sha're tried all the different flavours. Some, like the mint centre, she had disliked, but for the most part he could tell he had gotten her addicted. It seemed he and Sam had another chocolate fiend on their hands, he thought happily.

"It was about her" she said finally, still rummaging through the remaining chocolates for one she liked.

"The dream?" Daniel asked, all serious now.

Sha're nodded. "Once Apophis sent her to a minor outpost. There had been a small rebellion there among the slaves". Sha're took a deep breath. Daniel pulled her hand into his, urging her to continue. "Amaunet ordered the Serpent Guard to gather the everyone before her. She said - " Sha're faltered slightly. "She said they were disloyal – that they did not know her true power as their goddess – that she would have to teach it to their children". Sha're shifted closer to Daniel, and he obligingly pulled her tighter into his arms. "She ordered the Jaffa to fire" tears began to flow down Sha're's face. "They killed the them all – and left only the children alive. They were so frightened. She warned them not to be disobedient like their parents. That faith was rewarded – but insolence was punished". Daniel closed his eyes, wanting to block the horrible images from his mind. He couldn't imagine what it was like for Sha're, having actually witnessed it. Damn goa'uld.

"I remember one man" she began again, trying to reign back her tears. "He screamed at Amaunet, denouncing her. I remember her stretching forth my hand and capturing him in the ribbon device". Daniel felt Sha're cling to him tightly, feeling her pain at reliving the memory. "I kept seeing his face in my dreams. The pain I was causing him. The way he fell when he died, his forehead so red – burnt by my hand".

"Not your hand, Sha're" he interjected firmly. Daniel brushed her hair back from her face, and lifted her chin so that he could look at her directly. "It was never you. It was Amaunet…you have to believe that".

"I want to" she said tearfully, her eyes wet. "But I still feel responsible…I still feel like it was me, doing those horrible things".

"I know" Daniel said, pulling her back into his embrace, wrapping his arms firmly around her as her tears flowed freely. "I know".

* * *

Daniel yawned and struggled to concentrate on the papers before him. He was in the middle of a difficult translation and his mind just didn't want to cooperate. He hadn't been getting much sleep lately, as Sha're slept fitfully and was often awakened by nightmares. He was now keen to her every trouble, and was awake the instant she was, ready to comfort and soothe her. The trouble was he was getting as little sleep as she was, but while Sha're could nap during the day if she was so inclined, Daniel had to concentrate on his work. Not that he blamed her for his lack of sleep. He would gladly exchange it for even the hope that Sha're was getting better. She seemed to be. They had talked about therapy and medication, but Sha're had vehemently refused. She had told him it was bad enough revealing what had happened to her to him, she couldn't bear telling a complete stranger. He had agreed hesitantly, but it seemed to be helping.

Daniel tried to force his mind back to the translation, examining the small pictographs on the tablet once again. When the klaxons sounded signalling an unscheduled offworld activation, Daniel threw his magnifying glass down in relief and fled his office. Reaching the control room in record time, Daniel halted when he saw Sam in the Gateroom. This was not unusual in itself, but the fact that she was holding a cat certainly was.

"…The cat I gave the Tollan Narim" he heard her finish.

With that, Daniel's gaze was drawn to the sight of a shifty-looking Iris. Daniel was certain it was from his sleep deprivation combined with his poor eyesight, but then saw a familiar looking Tollan step directly through the Iris. Well, Daniel thought, since the last visit from the Tollan turned out to be quite an experience, he decided he should brace himself for whatever Narim had in store.

* * *

The phone connected, but Daniel was only rewarded by the sound of his own recorded voice. Cursing silently, Daniel waited for the beep. Sha're should have been there, and he had taught her how to use the phone. She had even handled some telemarketer in an amusing and effective fashion a few days before. She was either out, or still asleep, as she had been when he left. He never had the heart to wake her, not after a night spent mostly awake, and so had placed a soft kiss to her forehead in a silent farewell. Finally, Daniel heard his own voice finish the message and the following beep.

"Hi, Sha're…I, uh…guess you're not up yet. Anyway, I need you to come to the base right away, there's been a few…uhhh…developments". Jack had always warned him about what he could and could not say over an unsecure telephone line. "I have to leave on a mission right away, but please come as soon as you get this, it's very important. Okay". Daniel thought that was vague but urgently compelling enough. "I love you" he added before placing the phone back into its cradle.

Removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes in frustration, Daniel tried to mentally prepare himself for what was to come. He was of course, ecstatic that Skarra had been found, but Narim's talk of this 'Traid' had made him very uneasy. Daniel felt sure that the Tollan were far too advanced to but his brother on trail for the crimes of the goa'uld inside of him. But he just couldn't relax about the whole thing. To make matters worse, Narim had indicated the urgency of the proceedings, and therefore they had to leave immediately.

A quick rap at the door pulled Daniel violently from his thoughts.

"Get geared up, Daniel" Jack called to him, already on his way down the hall to the locker room. Wearily, he replaced his glasses and followed Jack down the hall. He had an overwhelming feeling that this was going to be a disaster.

"So who's speaking for Klorel?" Jack asked. Daniel looked anxiously at Narim, waiting for the answer.

But Narim simply gave them that cryptic, blank look that Daniel knew frustrated the hell out of Jack. Him too, on occasion.

"You will be informed when he arrives" Narim said evenly, before taking his leave of the room. Daniel saw the look Sam gave him on the way out, and understood how difficult this must be for her. He remembered running in on their passionate kiss the first time they had met the Tollan, saw the melancholy she carried with her when he had left. But a lot had happened in the year since they had seen each other. Daniel reminded himself to seek Sam out for a long heartfelt talk when all this was over. But now Skarra had to be at the foremost of his thoughts. Giving Jack a look that he hoped would be understood, Daniel moved closer to his brother.

Luckily, Jack seemed to be keen to his mood. "Well, campers, let's go keep Hammond informed" he announced, indicating Sam and Teal'c. He too walked up to Skarra, and gave him a reassuring slap on the back. "We'll get you out of this, kid. I promise".

Skarra gave his idol an adoring smile. "I always trust in you, O'Neill".

Daniel watched carefully as his three companions left the room, waiting until they were alone before enveloping Skarra in a tight, brotherly embrace. "It's so good to see you Skarra" he said, pulling back to look at the changes to his appearance. He wore the fine robes of Klorel, but there was no denying that the impetuous Abydonian was still there, grinning at him.

"I have missed you, brother" Skarra said, but his grin disappeared as his countenance suddenly became grave, holding Daniel's forearms more tightly. "I was very upset, Daniel, to hear about my sister. I know it must have been even harder for you".

"What?" Confused, Daniel pulled back, searching Skarra's face, trying to understand what the hell he was talking about. Sorry about Sha're?

Seeing his reaction, Skarra became even more distressed, probably concerned he had upset Daniel more than he needed to. "I – Klorel – received word of the death of Amaunet. I am sorry, Danyel, had you not heard? I thought you and your team had been there".

Daniel smiled, understanding and once again drawing close to his brother, patting his shoulder.

"Yes, I was there. And yes, Amaunet is dead. But Sha're…Sha're is still alive" he told Skarra excitedly, reliving the joy he had been experiencing these past few months.

"My sister is alive?" Skarra asked, "She is free?" his grin returned, even wider now knowing his cherished sister was not dead.

"Yes. And so will you be" Daniel said resolutely.

"I hope so, Danyel" Skarra grew wistful. "These demons will not defeat us". Daniel smiled at his young friend's optimism. With any luck, he thought, he was right.

* * *

Sha're impatiently checked her watch as her Air Force escort pulled into Cheyenne Mountain. She had called immediately when receiving Daniel's message, only to find that he had already gone. Having started to become familiar with her area of Colorado Springs, she had taken a walk in a nearby park, as she had become accustomed to doing while Daniel was at the base. It was so peaceful there, with the children playing and running about, people walking their pets and eating lunch underneath the trees. Of course, Sha're blamed Daniel for the fact that she had taken to buying some chocolate on her walk. There were so many different varieties to choose from, and it had become part of her routine. It was a pale substitute for being with her husband, but she knew that her being at the base all day would only be a distraction for him. Besides, she didn't wish to be cramped inside all day, not when she could enjoy the sun which was never as harsh as it was on Abydos, when she could soak up all she could about her new home.

Sha're wondered what could be some important Daniel needed her immediately. She had called, the only number she knew by heart, only to be told that Dr Jackson had already left, ma'am, but he had instructed a car to be sent round to bring her to the base. For an instant, Sha're's heart chilled as she thought the situation might have to do with Apophis, but she quickly brushed the thought away and told herself to stop worrying. This however, did not stop her from giving the Airman a hurried thanks and leaping from the vehicle when it rolled to a stop, or from impatiently and probably, quite rudely, hurrying the guards at the sign-in point.

She found the security at the SGC frustrating at times like this, even more so because she could never remember her way around. Every hall, every corridor looked the same and more often then not she had to employ the help of Sgt Siler or somebody similar. When she finally reached General Hammond's office, she was so wound up the General had to take her to his office to calm her down. Sha're liked and respected the General deeply, and she knew he had a soft spot for Daniel, and consequently, for her as well. It was not the first time the General had sat her down in his office and they had talked while Daniel was away, despite the million pressing issues he had to attend to. But this time there were no pleasantries, as Sha're urged Hammond to get straight to the point.

"Mrs Jackson" he began, in his trademark no-nonsense tone. "At around 0830 this morning, we received a visitor from an advanced race of humans called the Tollan. They wish SG1 to return to their planet and take part in a ceremony called a Triad". Sha're looked at Hammond quizzically. That seemed like a fairly routine mission for SG1, she didn't see what it had to do with her. Seeing her confusion, Hammond cleared his throat and continued. "It seems that this Triad involves your brother".

"Skarra?" Sha're was astonished and elated. But then ice chilled her heart again as she remembered the other side to finding her brother. "What about Klorel" she asked anxiously.

"I received a transmission from Colonel O'Neill not long ago. It seems that the goa'uld still inhabits Skarra, and the Triad is to determine who will maintain control of the body". Hammond seemed uncomfortable, imparting this information, and it did pain Sha're to hear it. There was a chance her beloved brother would forever be slave to Klorel, that he would not know the freedom she know felt.

"Tell me, General" she began. "These – Tollan – are they honourable?"

"I'm sorry Mrs Jackson, that I can't be sure of. It is up to SG1 to save your brother, I'm afraid". Hammond seemed grim, and Sha're feared for the fate of Skarra.

"Then I must go" she said resolutely, looking up to see the General's surprised face.

"I think it would be best for you to stay here-"

"Best for who General?" she asked, a little more angrily that she had intended. "Certainly not best for my brother. I know how the goa'uld think…I know they will try anything to remain in control". She noticed Hammond avoiding her gaze, as people so often did when her possession was brought up. "I am his best chance. He is my brother, and I will not accept you denying it to him".

"Mrs Jackson" Hammond said sternly, and Sha're understood that his latitude towards her only went so far. "I am in command of this base, and you are in no position to make demands of me. No one goes off-world without the proper training". His voice became softer. "However, seeing that this is a unique circumstance, I might be persuaded to make an exception". Sha're thought she saw a glimpse of a smile on the General's face as he continued. "SG-2 has just returned from PX9-738. I will talk to them about escorting you to the Tollan homeworld".

"Thank you, General" Sha're said gratefully.

"However-" Hammond held up a hand to stall her. "I will inform SG-2 that this is an entirely voluntary mission. I'm afraid it will be up to them".

Sha're, still smiling, stood up. "Thank you anyway, General. You won't regret this". Almost leaping with excitement, Sha're left Hammond's office hardly believing her luck. She knew that Major Ferretti was in charge of SG-2. And there was no way in the world he was going to say no to her.

* * *

"The host witnesses nothing, because nothing of the host survives". Zippacna said coldly, staring straight ahead. Daniel clenched his fists underneath the table. Damn overdressed style-monger. Oh god, now he was channelling Jack. Daniel shook himself back to the issue at hand. He knew for a fact that the host survived, but how to demonstrate it clearly to Lya, who he knew held Skarra's fate in her delicate hands. Finally he rose, with permission from Travell.

"Lord Zippacna, I'd like to ask you a question if I may" Daniel said evenly.

"I hope I have the answer" the goa'uld answered. The words were polite, but Daniel seethed at the smug and superior tone in which they were delivered.

"I'm sure you do" he managed to smile. He stepped down from his portion of the room and walked towards Zippacna. "Is…your host in there somewhere?"

"Nothing of the host survives" he reiterated.

"Really?" Daniel was pretty sure he had him. "Then how do you explain Skarra?"

Zippacna smiled devilishly at him. "What you call 'Skarra' is nothing but a remnant. He can only speak now because the Tollan use their technology to silence Klorel".

"But how could he speak at all if he hadn't survived?" Daniel interjected. Zippacna glared at him, and would have launched into a tirade had it not been for Lya's interruption.

"And he spoke well. His words were not that of a remnant personality". The Nox smiled at Skarra, while Daniel returned to his seat as Zippacna fumed. He was about to 'rest his case' as it were, until he saw the automatic doors of the room open, and Narim appear nervously. Travell appeared annoyed, though it was difficult to tell underneath her cool exterior.

"Narim" she said. "It is most improper for you to interrupt during Traid".

"I know that, your Eminence" Narim gave a slight bow in apology. "But there has been a late arrival for the Tau'ri contingent". Travell looked menacingly at Jack and Daniel, probably for another break in the Tollan's highly-prized traditions. He looked at Jack, who gave a shrug, and spluttered out an unintelligible sentence, and Daniel understood he had no idea what was going on either. Narim, meanwhile, ushered in a cocky looking Ferretti, who gave Skarra a salute and a wink. But Daniel and Skarra's attention was on the dark-haired woman who followed the grinning Major.

"Sha're?" Skarra sounded ecstatic at the arrival of his sister. Daniel took a survey of the room, with Ferretti continuing to grin like an idiot, Travell looking either amused or confused – he wasn't sure which – Zippacna looking like he was about to murder someone and Lya, as always, was impossible to read. Jack, looked about as stunned as he felt, sitting there with his mouth wide open, until Daniel gave him a nudge with his elbow.

"Wonder how she talked Hammond into letting her come?" Jack muttered under his breath.

"She can be…persuasive" Daniel muttered back, keeping his voice low.

Jack snorted. "I'll bet".

"What is the meaning of this?" Zippacna thundered, regaining his authority over the situation.

"It's what we on Earth call a rebuttal witness" Jack replied smugly. "To blow your snaky theories out of the water".

"Human Arcons" Travell said exasperatedly . "Please explain your intentions"

Daniel looked at Jack, only to have Jack look back at him. "Uh…okay" Daniel muttered, mentally preparing himself. "Your Eminence, wish to present Sha're" he indicated his wife to come stand beside him, and face Travell. "She has been inhabited by a goa'uld and is able to collaborate all of our arguments". She snuck a glance at Sha're, relived that, while nervous, she seemed to be handling herself well.

"I will not allow this" Zippacna roared, slamming his fist down on the table. "The Arcons were chosen, there cannot be another once the Traid has begun. It is unacceptable".

"I will decide what is acceptable in these proceedings, Lord Zippacna" Travell's eyes flashed with anger. "The human Arcons merely wish to present further evidence, not procure another Arcon for Skarra".

"That's right" Jack jumped in, leaping to take a place at Sha're's side. "You can't silence the truth" he threw a smirk over his shoulder to the protesting goa'uld.

"Nox Arcon?" Travell asked.

Lya inclined her head slightly, considering. "I must have all the evidence if I am to reach a decision" she said. "Lord Zippacna should, however, be allowed to call in another party if he wishes".

Zippacna stared at the trio menacingly. "That will not be necessary" he spat out.

"Very well" Travell nodded. "Human Arcons, you may proceed".

Sha're nervously surveyed the room around her. She had often been involved in and given testimony in the council meetings of Abydos, but somehow this seemed so much different. For one thing, Skarra's life was on the line, not to mention the loathsome goa'uld Klorel and Zippacna. Sha're remembered this underlord of Apophis quite well. His prestige and power had mainly come from his ability to oversee and carry out the more brutal of Apophis' orders. She shuddered to think of how little Zippacna valued any life save his own. Trying to push those thoughts away, Sha're focussed on her husband, who had taken a position in front of her.

"Sha're" he began. "What is your relationship to the seeker, Skarra?"

Sha're took a deep breath. "He is my brother" she replied.

"And to the goa'uld Klorel?"

Sha're was silent for a few moments as she gauged her response. "He was son to Amuanet, the goa'uld who possessed me". Sha're gauged the response of the Nox woman, Lya. While her face was still as neutral as it had ever been, she could tell that Lya was intrigued by these turn of events.

"But the goa'uld no longer possesses you?"

"No". She took a deep breathe. "For three years, I have been a slave in my own body, the slave that Skarra is now. As a host, I saw every horror the goa'uld inside of me committed, and was powerless to stop her". She looked at Zippacna. "But I survived".

Daniel smiled slightly at her. "So you know that without the goa'uld, the host is able to live freely"

Smiling back at him, Sha're nodded and Daniel took his place beside Jack, who threw a smug look over at Zippacna. The goa'uld, however, simply returned a sinister smile and stood.

"You say that the host witnesses everything the goa'uld does" he began, taking his time in walking towards her.

"Yes" Sha're answered carefully, not entirely sure where this was going.

"Then you enjoyed every luxury of being queen to Lord Apophis provided you" he said, stopping directly in front of her. She opened her mouth to refute his statement, but Zippacna pressed on. "You had prestige and power over millions of humans and Jaffa, had the devotion of countless servants, every indulgence and pleasure available to you. Surely this is a better life than the one you had on Abydos".

Sha're shook her head. "No-"

"On Abydos you had no luxuries of this kind" Zippacna cut her off. "As a goa'uld you lived in a palace, was worshipped and feared by half of the galaxy. Amaunet _saved _you from your pitiful existence on Abydos"

"No" Sha're finally cut I harshly, angrily. "I have never seen personal power, or luxuries, equalling happiness. My life on Abydos was simple, yes, but I was free. I was happy". Sha're glanced at Daniel, and saw the anger he was trying hard to conceal. "Amaunet stole that happiness from me. She had servants and worshippers and Jaffa – but she had no soul. None of you do".

Sha're was sure Zippacna was going to launch into another tirade when she heard Travell's even voice behind her. "If all parties agree, I believe it would be appropriate to break for the day". She received a gentle nod from Lya, a 'yeahsureyoubetcha' from Jack while Zippacna gave a curt nod and stalked from the room. Travell and Lya rose gracefully and took their leave of the room. Sha're closed her eyes and tried to regain her composure. She was soon interrupted by Daniel's warm embrace.

"I'm so proud of you" he whispered.

Jack, meanwhile stalked over to Ferretti, who had been leaning against the wall during the proceedings. Ferretti gave the colonel a lazy salute and a cocky grin, before calling out a greeting to Skarra. The Abydonian, however, was too busy taking Sha're from Daniel's arms and into his. They were conversing at a rapid speed in Abydonian, with Daniel joining in occasionally. It wasn't long before all three of them were in tears.

"Your team here, Ferretti?" Jack asked, grasping at straws for a way to escape the room.

"Yeah, sir. SG-2 is ready and waiting. With all that Tollan technology around, you never know. Open ears, open eyes" he winked at Jack. With an indulgent smile, Jack cocked his head to the door, leading the Major out into the hall. "With us here, Jack, we're sure to win. Outnumber the snakes two to one, now" Ferretti continued.

Not great odds, Jack thought. But good.

* * *

"Sha're, my sister, I cannot thank you enough" Skarra took Sha're's hand as they hid in one of the Tollan rooms. Sha're was not pleased about the two of them being left behind, but O'Neill's tone was not one even she could argue with. She was unsure of what was happening, but the building had been rocked by a small explosion. The Tollan defence system was down, and there was a goa'uld mothership bearing down on the city. There were two Tollan guards in the room, they had been dispatched to protect her brother, should Zippacna try to liberate Klorel. But they were at the door, and were not listening to their conversation. Sha're smiled at her brother, and tried to keep the conversation light. Skarra may have every confidence in O'Neill, but she knew there were some situations no one could prevent.

"Do not thank me, my brother" she said, squeezing his hand. "You freed yourself".

"Klorel fights me" Skarra confessed, his face twisting in pain.

Sha're drew him into a tight hug. "You have to stay strong, Skarra. Soon the Tok'ra will be here, and you will be free of the demon forever". She drew back to see him nod with determination.

"Was it painful?" he asked.

Sha're took a deep breath. "It was not comfortable. The procedure was very difficult, and afterwards there was a terrible ache in my neck for some time. But it was nothing compared to the torture of Amaunet. Do not fear, my brother. Soon you will be with our father again".

"But you live with Daniel and his tribe now?" Skarra asked, a little wistfully. It did not surprise Sha're, they had always been close, always loved each others company. "Are you happy, Sha're? Now that the demon is gone, I mean. I am not sure I will ever be able to forget him" he confided in her.

"It is hard for me" Sha're told him. "I have nightmares that I am still a goa'uld – I remember all the horrible things that I was forced to do". Sha're stopped the tears that threatened to well up in her eyes. "But I am happy, Skarra. I have Daniel, and his people are so kind to me. I have Father, and our people. And now you have returned to us". She smiled brilliantly at her brother, who pulled her close again.

"I love you, my sister" he said as he held onto her tightly.

"Then it is all worth it".


	9. Pride

**Chapter 9**

Impatiently flicking through the television channels, Sha're gave an exhausted sigh. She was bored. She'd been bored for days. Weeks, even. Daniel had been so busy with SG-1's missions, and even busier catching up on his work at the base. He was getting further and further behind, the work continually piling up on him. The time he had once spent working on translations and artefacts in the evening and into the early morning was now spent with her. And now the consequences were showing.

Not to mention the fact that Jack had been gone for over a month now, stranded on Eudora. That was, if he had survived the meteor shower she had been told about. It was no use trying to comfort him, Daniel simply threw himself into his work, struggling, she supposed, to forget. And when he was focussing on the issue, he was constantly agitated and nervy. Sha're knew he had been trying to help Sam build her particle accelerator, but the truth was his knowledge of science just wasn't extensive enough to give her any real assistance. She saw a deep pain in her husband, different from any she had known before, and she came to realise just much Daniel relied on the friendship he shared with Jack.

She could see the light from underneath the closed door to his study. He was in there, with his ruins and papers and notes, and she was left alone and bored. But Sha're admonished herself. She knew she shouldn't begrudge her husband his time alone. And his work was important. Still, a sense of melancholy, and a twinge of jealously, ate at her. Most of what was on the Tau'ri television confused her, and without Daniel to explain it to her, she was lost on the characters and stories easily. She had tried spending the past few weeks reading, but she found many of Daniel's books hard to understand or even if she did know the terms, quite uninteresting. There was a small mall near their home, and she had tried shopping, remembering how much she had enjoyed herself when she had done it with Samantha. But she found the experience lacking, without anyone to share it with.

A quick rap at the door captured Sha're's attention. She threw a quick glance to Daniel's study, then realised that he would be too immersed in his work to hear someone at the door. Practically bounding to the entrance of the apartment, Sha're barely remembered to check through the peephole to see who it was. Sha're thanked the gods that it was Samantha, grinning broadly as she unlocked and flung open the door. Finally, some human contact, she thought.

Sha're couldn't help but like Samantha. While she hadn't liked the looks the woman gave her husband when they first met, it had since become obvious that Samantha loved Daniel in a purely platonic sense. It was a deep, understanding love, nonetheless, Sha're had noticed, one that she didn't feel the need to be jealous over. And she enjoyed the woman's company immensely. While she didn't have the quick wit or sarcasm of Jack, nor the understated snark of her husband, Samantha was funny, in her own, quirky, goofy way.

Sha're greeted Samantha and ushered her inside. She couldn't help but notice the black leather jacket and motorcycle helmet tucked under her arm. "Hi Sha're", Samantha returned a smile of her own. "I was out on my bike and just thought I'd drop by".

"Oh. You cannot stay for long, then?" Sha're tried to hide her disappointment.

"No, sorry" Samantha replied apologetically. "I'm actually going back to base".

"Oh" Sha're quickly cut in, trying to hide the judgement in her tone. Sam rarely left the base anymore, she lived only to build the particle accelerator. Her pain at the loss of Jack was almost as deep as Daniel's, but she hid it better. Where Daniel was restless and snapped at those around him, Sam kept up a cheery façade. However, Sha're noticed the dark circles under her eyes, and the haggard, sunken look to her face no smile could hide. But Sha're ignored them, because Sam would never admit to working too hard. "Daniel's working at the moment" she added, gesturing to the closed study door.

"That's okay, don't disturb him" Sam replied, putting her gear down lightly on the kitchen table. "It was actually you I came to see".

"Really?" Sha're was beyond pleased. While she had found a deep companion in Samantha, she couldn't quite shake the feeling that she and the other's were Daniel's friends, not hers. The fact that Samantha had come to see her, in the middle of this crisis no less, was extremely gratifying.

"Yeah" Samantha continued. "I heard Daniel say the other day there wasn't really much for you to do around here".

"It is lonely sometimes" Sha're admitted. "Daniel is so often working, or away on a mission. And I don't know anyone outside the base".

Samantha nodded sympathetically. "I feel guilty for not spending much time with you lately, but-"

"Don't, Samantha," Sha're cut in. "I don't begrudge you your work at the base, I know how important it is. I want to see Jack alive as much as any of you".

Samantha went quiet at the sound of Jack's name, and Sha're regretted bringing it up. Though she wanted to comfort her friends, she found it difficult to get them to even talk about Jack. Daniel became agitated and upset if she brought it up, Sam concentrated even harder on her work to avoid talking about it, and Teal'c spent endless hours in Kel'no'reem. Sha're found herself unable to provide the comfort she desperately wanted to provide, and was left in uncomfortable, awkward silences such as these.

Luckily, Sam recovered quickly, and threw Sha're a small smile. "Anyway" she began, reaching for her discarded backpack on the table. "I know Daniel has an extensive library here, but not so much in the way of fiction. So I rummaged through by bookcase at home, to see what I could find". Sam furrowed her brow and she rummaged through her pack for the elusive item. Sha're smiled when she eventually retrieved a book. It was fairly old, Sha're noticed, by the look of the slightly ripped dustcover and yellowed pages. It was far smaller and thinner than the enormous reference books Daniel owned, and for that, Sha're was thankful.

"Here you go" Sam handed the book over.

"Pride and Pre-judice" Sha're read carefully from the cover.

"Yeah" Samantha flashed a toothy grin. "Normally not my kind of book…I'm more into the odd crime or sci-fi novel, but as far as romance goes…" She shrugged. "I had to read it in high school. I wasn't sure if you'd like it, it may be a bit confusing with some of the older language and customs. But it saw it, and thought, what the hell?" Samantha's smile grew wider. "I think you'll like the main character, Lizzie Bennet. Feisty, quick-tongued, independent…practically my role model in high school". Realising she was babbling, Samantha coughed, stopping herself. "Anyway, I hope you like it".

Sha're held the book tightly against her chest. "Thank you Samantha" she said quietly, overwhelmed by the woman's gesture. "Are you sure you cannot stay?"

"No…I really have to get this work done" Samantha deflected her gaze across the room.

Sha're smiled sadly, and lead her to the door in a silent understanding. "Good luck" she said quietly as she left. She would need it, Sha're thought ruefully, leaning against the doorframe, Samantha's gift clutched in her hands.

* * *

Hearing the kettle whistle, Sha're abandoned her post atop the kitchen counter and poured herself a cup of tea. Though Daniel had tried to convince her otherwise, she had abhorred the taste of the coffee he loved so dearly. Even the smell of it was off-putting, although it had seemed to bother her more these past few weeks. Daniel had finally relented and bought her an assortment of herbal teas, which she had thankfully enjoyed. Inhaling the sweet spicy scent of it always soothed her nerves in the morning, especially if she'd had a difficult time the night before. Banishing those thoughts from her mind, Sha're lifted herself back up onto the counter, crossed her legs and delved back into her book. Her reading was still rather slow, and as still only halfway through the novel, though it had been a month since Samantha had given it to her.

Sha're found it difficult to concentrate sometimes, the small text swimming before her eyes and she occasionally found the language confusing. Daniel had explained to her that it had been written almost two hundred years before, and the customs and social norms of society had been far different in that time. Not to mention the fact that it was set in another country. Still, Sha're found herself lost in the world of Elizabeth Bennet and her family, dreaming of the country houses and rolling hills of England.

Sha're turned the page excitedly, her eyes widening as Mr Darcy made his proposal of marriage to Elizabeth. She chuckled with glee at the character's caustic and passionate refusal. 'Serves the _lo'hak _right' Sha're thought. Samantha had been correct in her assessment that Sha're would enjoy the book. She saw so much intelligence and defiance in Lizzie, in a society not unlike her own, where that behaviour was not tolerated in a woman. It was certainly exhilarating. But as Sha're neared the end of the chapter, she realised it was not enthusiasm that was stirring in her belly. Letting out a small cry, she flung herself off the counter and rushed to the toilet.

She barely reached the basin before she retched horribly, violently empting the contents of her stomach. Whimpering, Sha're clutched at her abdomen as she finished, and lent her head against the cool tiles of the bathroom wall. The overwhelming sickness had dissipated, but she still felt uneasy. She had only remembered feeling like this once before in her life, when Apophis had returned her to Abydos. A feeling of dread enveloped her as she realised her blood had not come for well over a month. Mentally, Sha're counted and recounted the days in her head, but no matter how many times she did, she came up with the same answer. She was at least two weeks late.

Curling up into a ball and placing her head on her knees, Sha're realised all the warning signs. Her late _kacunal_, her aversion to certain smells and food, the tiredness she had been experiencing lately, and now, the sickness. She remembered all of it. She knew she had to be tested, to know for sure, but in Sha're's mind it was already certain. But why wasn't she elated at the news? Why wasn't she screaming for joy inside?

Sha're mind brewed with a million contradicting thoughts. At some level, she truly was pleased that she was to carry Daniel's child. Her heritage was still strong, and she had learnt from birth that it was her duty to bear her husband's children. Though Daniel had been vehement about dismissing the notion, it still carried weight with her. Personally, though, it was such a joy to know that there was a life growing inside of her, a true expression of the love her and Daniel shared. A life that had nothing to do with the goa'uld.

But for all the happiness she felt, it was overshadowed by the darkness that clutched desperately at her soul. How could she bear a child now, remembering all too well the stress and exhaustion pregnancy caused? She could barely keep control of her own emotional state, with help from Daniel. How was she to care for a child, give it all the life and love it deserved when her own mentality was so precarious? Dark thoughts plagued her, hushed voices whispered in her mind, that she was not fit to be a mother, she did not deserve the happiness she could have with this family…did not deserve Daniel. She tried to push them away, but they just became more insistent. Even worse, they began to sound like Amaunet.

Sha're's demons were all too real in her memory and her dreams, she sometimes wondered it she would ever be truly free of them. She did not tell Daniel this, of course. It was a thought she only entertained in the darkest places of her soul. There was still a part of Amaunet deep inside of her, and always would be no matter what happened. She would always be there to taunt her, to take her deepest fears and make them known. Sha're tried to tell herself that she had beaten the goa'uld, that she had won over the demon. Most of the time, she believed it. But a piece of her _kalesh _had been surrendered to the strength of Amaunet, and she would never reclaim it.

She may be happy, she may be free, but Sha're knew she would never again be whole.

* * *

"Well, Sha're, it looks like you were right" Janet announced, looking at the results. "You're four weeks along". Sha're gave a small smile in return, but Janet's trained eye saw the pain in the young woman's face. "I take it this was not a planned pregnancy?" She asked softly.

"Uh, no" Sha're refused to meet her gaze, instead toying with the zip on her jacket. "I was surprised" she admitted. "Even after a year together on Abydos, it did not happen for us, and now, it is so soon".

"It has only been six months since you were rescued, Sha're, it's natural not to feel ready for this new level of commitment". Janet kept her voice even, in hopes of getting the young woman to talk further. Pregnancy was hard enough on a woman, but in light of the problem's Sha're had experienced…it was going to take a lot of work for both Sha're and Daniel. Janet knew she was going to be in it for the long haul as well. But she was glad to do so, to see Daniel and his family happy once again.

"I had hoped for Daniel and I to be together for longer before…this happened" Sha're admitted. "Not that I am unhappy about it…I just…" Sha're sighed and looked away.

Janet placed a reassuring hand on Sha're's knee. "It's okay".

"Janet?" Sha're asked softly, still not meeting her probing eyes. "You told me once that you could not tell Daniel anything I told you, is that still true?"

"Yes…" she said uneasily, unsure of where this was going.

"I…I do not want you to tell Daniel that I am pregnant, not yet" Sha're said, seemingly fascinated with the wall.

Janet pursed her lips. "Are you sure, Sha're, I don't think-"

"I want to tell him myself" Sha're interrupted. "When the time is right".

Janet sighed heavily. "Sha're, you shouldn't keep something like this from him. I know you're confused, but it can only make things worse".

"But you cannot tell him, can you?" Sha're's voice raised several notches in panic.

"No. Not if that's your decision" Janet admitted. "But-" Before she could say anything, however, Sha're jumped down from the infirmary bed, given a quick thanks and walked from the room. "I'm here if you need anything…." Janet called to her retreating back, although she doubted the woman had heard her. Rubbing her temples in frustration, she wondered why in the world she had ever taken this job.

"Daniel?" Sha're called quietly into the darkened office, rapping lightly on the door. She moved towards the hunched figure at the desk, bent over a fragmented tablet, lit only by the soft glow of the desk lamp. Smiling, she cleared a space for herself on the cluttered desk and perched on it. "Should you be working in this light?" she asked, a playful note to her voice.

He looked up at her, and she saw his eyes twinkle softly behind the reflection of the light in his glasses. "It reminds me of candlelight" he said, smiling slightly, placing a warm hand on her knee. "Helps me concentrate". Sha're placed her hand over his, running her fingers lightly over his knuckles.

"Maybe I shouldn't be in here distracting you, then" she said, moving to leave. But his hand kept her firmly on the desk and he smiled, the first true smile she had seen in many weeks.

"I think I need a little distracting at the moment" he said playfully, his thumb drawing circles on her thigh. For the briefest of moments, she debated telling him about the child, hoping to make that smile brighter. But she quickly abandoned the idea. No, she had decided to wait. She knew it would be many weeks before she began to show, and he was usually gone in the early morning, so hiding her sickness would not be difficult. Sha're knew it was selfish, she knew it was wrong, but she could not bring herself to share this with her husband. He would poke and prod her, step up his attentions to her, stifle her with his joy and kindness. But Sha're needed to come to terms with the development by herself first. She needed to be alone with the knowledge, kept safe in her heart.

"Samantha says she is close to finishing the machine" she said, changing the subject. The light in his eyes dimmed slightly, and Sha're once again regretted the pain she had to put him through.

"That's good" he finally answered, refocussing his attention on the tablet in front of him. Turning his face back towards her, Sha're leaned forward and placed a sweet kiss to his lips, relieved when his smile returned. In that moment, Sha're promised herself that she would not let any more pain come to her husband. Keeping the pregnancy a secret would only be for a while, and it would be better for the both of them in the end.

Sha're silently vowed that while the demon may take have taken some of her, she would never allow her take Daniel. She would never let the demon take her child, her new family. That, she promised herself.


	10. Secrets

**Chapter 10**

"I just couldn't believe the way he looked at me…like I was nothing" Daniel paced the living room in an agitated state. Sha're was perched on the arm of the couch, watching him. "He looked at me as if I was some…nuisance he had been forced to put up with these past few years. Like I was just an obstacle that stopped him from achieving his goals. I thought…" He sighed heavily. "I just don't know anymore".

"It doesn't sound like Jack at all" Sha're agreed. "Are you sure he hasn't been…" She trailed off, unable to finish her sentence.

"No, Janet gave him the all clear" Daniel replied, realising where she was going. "I just don't understand it. After all we've been through…he looked me straight in the eye and said that our friendship didn't have any foundation".

Sha're couldn't bear to see his anguished face. Anger burned inside of her, and she cursed Jack for whatever he was up to, why he thought it was necessary to hurt Daniel this way. Again, she was relieved that she hadn't yet told her husband of her pregnancy. She was glad that she could at least spare him that extra burden, if she couldn't make him feel better about the business with Jack. Sha're reached out her hand to Daniel, bidding him to come to her. He complied, brushing his fingers against hers before collapsing on the couch next to her.

"Maybe there is another reason for him acting this way" she said, lightly stroking his face with her fingers.

Daniel shook his head. "If there is, I can't think of what it is. If I at least had a clue about what he was going through, I could try to talk to him…but then again, talking didn't go so well the first time". He gave a self-deprecating laugh.

"Daniel…"

"And now he's gone". His voice softened, his raw pain exposed. "I didn't even say goodbye. I was so angry with him, I just watched him leave forever, without…" he trailed off.

"It's okay to be angry, Daniel" Sha're said softly, climbing into his lap.

But he didn't seem to hear her, didn't seem to notice her movement as he continued to stare ahead at nothingness. "What am I going to do without a best friend?" he asked into the air.

Sha're put her arms around his neck, drawing him close. "You have me".

Daniel smiled, a little bitterly. "It's not the same". Sha're didn't answer, but held him tightly, stroking his hair whispering wordless comforts into his ear. She didn't know how else to ease his pain. For the first time, she saw just how much Jack's friendship meant to her husband, how having him gone created an emptiness in his heart. It seemed like Jack had reverted to the man she first met on Abydos, before Ra was defeated. She remembered his harsh tone, and his cold, dead eyes. And now he was gone, perhaps forever.

Sha're held her husband, as he refused to cry, refused to vent his anger or talk about what he was feeling any further. She held him, knowing that it could never be enough.

* * *

Daniel stirred uncomfortably in his sleep, a dull ache radiating from his forearm. As he awakened more fully, he realised that the weight on his arm was Sha're, lying against him. As gently as he could, Daniel moved her so that she was lying on her back, relieving the pressure on his right side. With a quiet groan, Daniel looked at the clock on the nightstand and realised it was several hours before he had to be awake. Despite this, Daniel knew there was no way he could get back to sleep. He looked at Sha're, still deeply asleep. For that, he was thankful. She had been so jumpy lately, the slightest sound woke her up or got her into an agitated state. Not that she looked peaceful in her sleep, Daniel noticed. Her brow was furrowed, marking deep lines across her face, and she murmured softly, her lips quivering ever so slightly.

The moonlight cast deep shadows across the room, and Daniel began to see demons in every one. He was concerned for his wife's welfare, about the way she had been acting these past few weeks. She had been a bit distant, as if she was deliberately avoiding him for some reason. Or maybe it was just her way of giving him some space. It hadn't been an easy few months for Daniel either, with Jack being stranded on Eudora and the work piling up on him. He hadn't realised it, but he'd been pushing her away, locking himself in his study with his books and grief. Her response had been to give him the space he needed, Daniel told himself.

But there was something deeper to this; he just couldn't quite identify it. Daniel softly traced a finger over Sha're's worried face, tracing the lines of her cheekbones, her lips, before placing a light kiss to her temple. There was a time when he would have continued his ministrations, gently ticking and kissing her until she had woken up, then made love to her in the gentle moonlight that crawled in through the window. He couldn't remember the last time they had. He had been too busy, too distracted, or she had been too tired and upset. Without either of them noticing it, almost all of the physical aspect of their marriage had disintegrated. If they shared a kiss, it never went any further, if they held each other, it was in comfort or reassurance, not a passionate embrace like it had once been.

Daniel tried to tell himself that it was just the circumstances, that he was imagining these problems in hopes of distracting his thoughts from Jack's departure. Which was another matter he couldn't quite deal with. He was so angry, angry as Jack for leaving, angry at himself for backing off after what Jack had said to him, not trying harder to get through to him. He was even angry at Sha're, but for what reason, he wasn't sure. Angry that she hadn't tried harder to comfort him, perhaps, although he knew he would have resented her for it if she had. She knew him well enough to sense when he needed to be alone. But, irrationally, he wanted her company, her comfort.

But he couldn't expect to find it in Sha're, when he knew it existed only within himself. He wished he could share his grief, his sadness with his wife, he wished she understood. Wished he knew how to make her understand. In the darkness, Daniel reached an arm around Sha're, trying the close the difference between them.

* * *

The tension between the four team members was subtle, but obvious to Sha're. They were at Jack's house, a celebration party of sorts, both for Jack's return and the fall of the rogue NID faction. It had been planned for before the mission, a celebration for Jack's return from Eudora, but it had never materialised. Instead of celebrating his return to Earth, they had watched him leave again, only under much more painful circumstances. And now Sha're watched their strained reunion.

The evening had started off well enough. Her and Daniel had arrived late, partly due to the fact Sha're believed Daniel didn't exactly want to see Jack at the moment. But she had dragged him along eventually, for his own good, she told herself. Sam and Teal'c had already arrived, as well as the General and a dozen or so others from the SGC. Jack greeted them at the door, his bottle of beer a permanent extension of his arm as he offered them each a drink. Sha're declined politely, but Jack wouldn't want to be swayed. He teased her about what had happened the last time he had thrown a party.

It had been shortly after her return to Earth, and she had been determined to throw herself into her new life. It had been a more intimate setting, with only herself and the other members of SG-1 in attendance. Jack was more than pleased to introduce her to the varieties of Tau'ri alcohol, assuming that she, like her husband, wouldn't be able to handle more than a few. She had surprised them all when she came close to beating Jack in the drinking game he absolutely insisted they all played. Daniel had smiled drunkenly and slurred out a few words about how much harder Abydonian liquor was in comparison to Earth's. Sam had giggled, and Jack seemed more than pleased about the challenge she had presented to him. Even Teal'c had let go a little that night, as they drank and laughed together. It had seemed so much like the celebrations back on Abydos, the camaraderie and closeness of a loving family.

Sha're had been more than embarrassed when she remembered admitting to Samantha how jealous she had been when they first met. She hadn't known the Major then, and had been less than pleased at the way Samantha had talked and looked at her husband. She had even told them how the kiss she gave him before they left was mainly for her benefit, that she was 'marking her territory' so to speak. Jack had howled with laughter as he collapsed on the floor, teasing both Samantha and Daniel mirthlessly. Samantha had giggled and hiccupped like a schoolgirl, admitting that maybe she had thought Daniel was 'cute' to begin with. Far too drunk to be embarrassed, Daniel himself had buried his head deep into Sha're's neck and shook with laughter and delight. And Teal'c watched over them all, as they collapsed into hysteria, calmly sipping what was still his first glass of wine.

The present occasion was far more sombre. For one thing, the presence of the General gave an unspoken dignity to the occasion. Another was the fact that it was plainly obvious things were not alright with SG-1. But Sha're supposed that was the point of the party – Jack wanted them all to know he was back – the real him.

And he was back again, pestering Sha're to take a beer from his outstretched hand. She had enjoyed the fermented beverage – they had something similar on Abydos – but she couldn't tell them the real reason why she couldn't drink. Jack pushed her, though she tried to refuse, saying as pleasantly as she could that he was going to have to find another drinking partner.

"Come'on Jack, leave her alone" Daniel finally jumped in. "She hasn't been well lately". Sha're was surprised. She hadn't thought he'd noticed a change in her condition at all. For a moment worry struck her heart. Had he heard her early in the morning? Her sickness had become more frequent. But despite her fear, she was touched. Lately she had felt he hadn't noticed her at all. Jack relented, uncharacteristically, to Daniel's words immediately, and fetched her an orange juice. Now Sha're knew something was definitely wrong. There was no banter between them, no good natured teasing back and forth. Jack simply lifted his bottle in a silent salute and Daniel led her away, to mingle with the other guests.

They approached Teal'c and Janet, who seemed immersed in a conversation about Star Wars. Apparently it was Cassie's new favourite film. "Some boy from school introduced her to it, and it's all I hear about all day long" Janet shook her head.

"Why is she so fascinated with it?" Daniel asked, jumping into the conversation.

Teal'c turned to look at Daniel incredulously. "What is not to be fascinated with, Daniel Jackson? It is an important part of your pop culture for a good reason. A classic…" While Teal'c continued to lecture Daniel over the merits of Star Wars, Sha're saw Janet give her the once over. She smiled approvingly at her glass of orange juice, but it became a grimace when she took in the tired look in her eyes. Sha're sighed a little irritably. She knew what was best for herself, didn't she? Luckily, she was saved from the doctor's inquisition, by Teal'c turning his attention to her. "Do you not agree, Sha're?"

"I'm afraid I haven't seen Star Wars" she replied apologetically.

Teal'c looked scandalised. "I do believe it is a necessary exploration of the human and Tau'ri psyche".

Daniel chuckled a little to himself. "Indeed".

* * *

Sha're gently removed a half empty beer bottle from Daniel's loose grip, stopping it from spilling to the floor. Most of the guests had left by now, save the select few she knew Jack tolerated outstaying their welcome. It had been a tense night for all of them, though Samantha and Daniel had tried to hide their discomfort through partaking in a large amount of alcohol. Sha're had to smile at Samantha, sitting in Jack's armchair, her head at an odd angle as she snored softly. Teal'c was outside, kel'noreeming under the stars, the only appropriate place at Jack's home to do so. Daniel was sprawled out on the couch, his head in Sha're's lap, passed out, she suspected, rather than sleeping. It was only her and Jack left, she realised, as he walked into the room. Not bothering to clear away the mess, he flopped into a chair and casually brought his feet up to rest on the coffee table.

"Did ya have fun tonight, Sha're?" Jack asked, taking a swig from his umpteenth beer.

Sha're smiled. "Did you?"

"Good beer, good company…what's not fun about that?" he said flippantly, although Sha're could sense the uneasiness in his voice.

"Well" she began. "Seeing as the three people who - I believe – mean the most to you didn't speak to you all night…I don't know. Is that fun?" She knew she was entering dangerous territory, but someone had to say it to him.

"I do know that's none of your business" he retorted flatly, taking another sip of beer.

"You're probably right". She looked down at Daniel, brushing a stray wisp of hair back from his temple. "But you should talk to him".

Jack shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "We've talked. He said we were okay".

Sha're shook her head a little. "You know Daniel better than that. In his mind he's forgiven you…but his heart is the one he is thinking with".

Jack sighed. "I know". Sha're knew that the discussion was over. They sat in a companionable silence for several minutes, enjoying the stillness of the moment. Sha're's eyes wandered around Jack's living room, until her gaze came to rest on the pictures that adorned Jack's wall. She was drawn to the picture of a young boy, with fair hair and steely blue eyes. Charlie. A sudden melancholy settled over Sha're's heart.

"Do you miss your son, Jack?" she asked, regretting the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. Jack visibly stiffened, and his face became dark as he followed her gaze to the picture on the wall. Sha're didn't expect her to answer the question, so she continued quietly. "I never imagined it would be so painful. That I would miss him so much. Even with – everything – that happened…I never wanted to lose him". She closed her eyes to quell the tears that started to form. But she needed this – needed to talk about it.

The dark look on Jack's face became one of compassion. "And you can't talk to Daniel about it" he said softly.

"He doesn't understand". She looked down at the peaceful face of her husband. "He tries so hard, but….he can't. Not like you, Jack". Gently, she removed Daniel's weight from her lap, laying his head back down on the couch. Slowly, she moved towards the wall, closer to the photograph. Charlie couldn't have been more than eight in the photo, smiling proudly with one arm around his father. Sha're had never seen Jack smile like he did with his son in his arms. Slowly, she brought her hand up to trace the face of the young boy, her other hand moving towards her belly. She would never see her first son grow, never be able to take his photograph. But with this new child, there was hope for all that.

Sha're's fingers splayed across her belly where her child rested. Even with the joy of being pregnant, knowing that the child was her husband's, she couldn't forget her son, the only thing that had brought her happiness during her time with the goa'uld. She heard Jack move to stand behind her, and Sha're quickly moved her hand away from her abdomen. The worst thing that could happen was Jack guessing she was with child. He had been a father, he would have known exactly what that gesture had meant. Luckily, he hadn't seemed to have noticed, his eyes fixated on the photo of his son.

"I miss him every day" he finally said, so quietly Sha're almost hadn't heard him. "But I don't let it overtake me" he continued. "I don't let my grief control me. He wouldn't have wanted that".

"Daniel said that you came so close to giving up" she replied, turning to face him.

"I did" Jack nodded. "But Daniel wouldn't let me" he smiled a little, reaching his hand up to cup her cheek. "He may not have understood completely, but it was enough".

Sha're felt her tears spill onto her cheeks. She tried to hide her face, but Jack's arms enveloped her into an embrace and let her cry on his shoulder. He comforted her, soothed her with stories of Charlie and his childhood, about the good times he had spent with his son.

Through the pain of shared experience, Sha're felt she understood Jack, not as Daniel's friend, not as her brother's hero, but on her own level. That night, she felt as if she had truly gained Jack's friendship and trust.

* * *

Towelling his hair dry, Daniel emerged from the bathroom to find his wife already in bed. Discarding the towel, he pulled on an old t-shift and crawled in beside her. "What are you reading?" he asked, peering over her shoulder. He didn't recognise the book…it was certainly not from his collection. Sha're shifted a little, flipping back the cover for him. Pride and Prejudice? Oh, of course. Sam had leant it to her a while back. "What are you up to" he pressed a quick kiss to her exposed shoulder.

"Hmm?" Sha're muttered, distracted by the story. "Oh…Elizabeth has just visited Pemberley, and is starting to think she was wrong about Darcy".

"Nothing like a huge mansion to change a girl's opinion of a man" he said, his kisses moving further up her neck.

"When did you become a cynic?" Sha're's eyes were still focussed on her book. "You sound like Jack".

Daniel smiled into her skin. "I know you said something to him" she said. "During the party last week". Sha're didn't answer. "I think everything is sorted between us".

"That's good" Sha're answered distractingly. Daniel moved further up her neck, to suckle her sweet skin. Not getting the response he wanted, he shifted slightly, his hand coming up to cup a breast through her nightgown.

"Daniel"

"Hmmmm?" he muttered, his lips not leaving her skin.

"I really want to finish this chapter".

"Oh". Daniel stopped his ministrations immediately, his face rising to study hers. But he saw only concentration on her reading. It was almost as if he wasn't there. He tried not to think of it as a rejection, and even if it was, she was well within her rights to refuse him. He had told her so many times after they were married, trying to erase the idea of marital servitude from her mind. But it still hurt Daniel. She hadn't even looked at him.

Settling down under the covers, Daniel told himself that he wasn't some hormone-charged teenage boy. He could wait until she had finished. But the dim light in the room, the warmth of the bed, and the long working hours of his day took their toll, and Daniel was asleep within minutes.

When he awoke, it was to the sound of Sha're screaming. Daniel bolted awake, and turned over to comfort his wife after what was surely another nightmare. But a cold dread stabbed his heart as he saw her face was contorted in pain, not fear, and she was pale and covered in perspiration. "Sha're?" he called out to her anxiously, reaching for her. But she knocked his hands away, and moved to clutch desperately at her abdomen. Daniel's thoughts were drained of all save hideous fear when he saw a small patch of blood appear on the midsection of Sha're's nightgown


	11. Boulevard of Broken Dreams

**Chapter 11**

_Sha're entered Daniel's study apprehensively, a tender hand on her abdomen. She had made the decision not two minutes earlier and knew if she waited another two minutes, she would lose her nerve. _

"_Daniel?" she called, moving towards her husband, working intently on a translation. Several open books were sprawled across the desk, and he was furiously scribbling notes in one of his journals. _

"_Wheel…no…circle…hmmm? What is it Sha're?" he asked, not turning to look at her. _

"_I have to tell you something" she said nervously. It wasn't going to be easy to tell Daniel of her pregnancy, she needed his full attention. _

"_I'm listening….circle of…destiny?" he scribbled down some more notes. _

"_It's important" she said, a little exasperated. Couldn't he put down his books for a few seconds and actually look at her?_

"_You have my full attention…wait… fortune…no…fate, that's it. Circle of fate" he smiled happily and jotted down the answer._

_Sha're huffed angrily. "Never mind". _

* * *

_The Serpent Guards dragged her, struggling against them, into Apophis' throne room. They were careful not to be rough with her, in fear of harming her child. Apophis moved towards her, and she stopped her struggle, tears forming in her eyes at the hopelessness of it all. The hideous being before her reached up his hand to wipe them away. "Do not cry, my love" he said, almost gently._

"_Don't call me that" she spat back at him. "I'm not yours"._

"_But you are" Apophis moved closer towards her, a hand resting on her slightly swollen belly. "You are both mine". _

"_No". Sha're shook her head. _

"_In time, you will learn to love me as my Queen does. You will serve me willingly"_

"_Never". In anger, Sha're reached out to strike him, but stopped her arm easily with his hand. He brought her arm down to her side and pressed a rough kiss to her lips. She squirmed beneath him, but he was too strong. He held her fast, and Sha're felt her stomach churn with revulsion. When he finally released her, she recoiled violently away from him. _

"_Please do not try to escape again" he pleaded with her. Sha're saw for the first time that Apophis was not as strong as he claimed to be. He had a weakness for Amaunet, and weakness for her. One she could use to her advantage. _

"_Send me to Abydos" she said, for once looking Apophis in the eye. "I won't try to escape if you send me home"._

_The Goa'uld seemed to consider this. "No one will not think to look for me there" she continued, trying desperately to convince him. _

"_What about the Tau'ri?" Apophis snarled._

"_You know the Abydos gate is buried. They cannot get through". She took a deep breath. "But I want your word that you won't enslave my people. I will…serve you, if you promise to protect them"._

"_You will serve me…of you own free will? No more fighting…no more attempts to escape?" Apophis grinned._

_Sha're closed her eyes. She was sentencing herself to slavery…willingly. But through this sacrifice, her people would always know freedom. "You have to promise to protect them from the other System Lords, as well" she added. _

"_I swear, that Abydos will remain free…from all goa'uld" Apophis reached out to her. 'Oh, Daniel, forgive me', she thought. Silencing her hidden cries of anguish, Sha're reached out to take Apophis' outstretched hand. _

* * *

_There was only one thing that was more painful that her blending with the goa'uld – and that was the removal of it. The Tok'ra had given her – something – which they said would make things easier, but it didn't seem to be helping. They told her that she had to be awake and aware in order for them to remove the parasite properly. But they hadn't told her of the pain. She could feel Amaunet inside of her, struggling desperately to remain in control. Sha're tried hard to stay awake, but the world spun and her vision became blurred. She heard the Tok'ra calling to her to hold on – but his voice seemed so far away. _

_Another shockwave of pain engulfed her as Amaunet's voice screamed in her mind. Sha're tried to ignore the booming voice, but felt herself slipping away. Amaunet ranted that she would never be free of her, that she would always be there, lurking in the darkest corners of Sha're's mind. That she was a monster, a murderer…that she didn't deserve the kindness of the Tok'ra or the Tau'ri. Didn't deserve the love of her husband who she had dreamed of for so long. She was a slave, would always be a slave. _

_Sha're screamed forcefully, unable to take the pain and the voices any longer. She cried for freedom, cried for the strength to defeat her demon. And suddenly, the voice, the pain, was all gone, and Sha're slipped gratefully into the silent darkness that awaited her._

_

* * *

_

When Sha're opened her eyes, she wasn't quite sure where she was. The lights that stung her eyes were too white and cold to be the sun of Abydos. There were strange contraptions around her, unusual coloured lights flickering, and a rhythmic beeping piercing her sensitive ears. Where was she? Sha're moved her head slightly, and regretted it immediately. A groan escaped her lips, which drew the attention of the others in the room. A strange woman's face came into view, and she seemed familiar, though Sha're couldn't place her. The strange woman performed some unfamiliar rituals on her, and Sha're assumed she must be a healer of some sort. It was only when a man's face appeared, shrouded in the harsh light of the room, that recognition began to dawn of her.

It was her husband – although there was an air of unease about him. He licked his lips nervously, his frantic eyes looking her over. Sha're noticed the red rims around his eyes, and wondered if he had been crying. She saw his lips form her name, but she couldn't hear him speak. The last thing she remembered was settling in to sleep in Daniel's large, soft bed, but that was certainly not where she had woken up. Here the sheets were cold and stiff, the mattress uneven beneath her. The infirmary? Why would she be –

Then Sha're remembered the pain. The piercing ache that she had awoken to in the depths of night. It was as if she was dying inside, being torn apart by the force of it. Dying –

Oh, by the gods…her child. Sha're reached her hand down to clutch her abdomen. Please, no, not –

"I'm sorry, Sha're". Dr Frasier's voice broke through her thoughts, confirming her worst fears. "I'm afraid you lost the baby" the words were gentle and tender, but they cut through Sha're's heart like a knife.

"No…" she managed to strangle out of her parched lips, before a cascade of tears fell from her eyes. Daniel was there, his shaking hands cupping her face as he leaned in close to her. Their tears mingled and they cried together, their outpouring of grief filling the cavernous hallows of Cheyenne Mountain.

* * *

Daniel Jackson sat by his wife's bedside, head in hands. She was awake, but her dark eyes had lost their sparkle, and she stared away blankly. As for Daniel, he felt completely emotional wrung out. He had cried more tears in the past two days that he had in the past twenty years. On awaking to see Sha're in the bed beside him, writhing in agony, he had panicked. The ghostly memories echoed in Daniel's mind.

"_Oh, god…it's Sha're…she….something's wrong…she's in so much pain….oh god, she's bleeding…she….she's bleeding"_

"_Calm down Dr Jackson" the voice of the officer on duty called to him down the phone line._

"_Calm down? My wife is…oh god, Sha're" he rushed back to her side as his wife called out again. Without even thinking, he threw the sheets around Sha're and gathered her in his arms. He couldn't just sit by while his wife could be….no, he didn't want to think about what could be wrong with her. Daniel raced to his car, placing Sha're as carefully as he could in the passenger's seat. He placed a soft kiss to her clammy forehead, praying that she was going to be alright. _

_He didn't remember much once they arrived at the base. Dr Fraiser was already there, her hair dishevelled from sleep and her face grim. He remembered being pushed out of the way and told not to interfere. _

"_What's wrong? Is she going to be okay? What's happening?" he fired dozens of questions at Janet while she administered to his wife. _

_She had sighed, giving him only the barest of glances. "I think she's miscarrying" she said finally. Miscarrying? Meaning that- oh god. Daniel backed away, finding a spare bed when his legs gave away from under him. _

_He sat there for hours while Sha're was passed out. Janet assured him that she was going to be fine, but that the child had been lost. Their child, Daniel had thought, as cold grief washed over him like a wave. All Daniel could see was Sha're's pale face, feel her cold skin as he took her hand in his. She looked and felt like death, he had to keep asking Fraiser if she was really alright. To lose their baby was horrible enough, Daniel couldn't imagine what he would do if anything happened to Sha're now. _

_Daniel barely noticed Janet come to sit beside him. She knew better than to say how sorry she was, for which Daniel was grateful. "How far along was she?" he asked finally, his voice cracking. _

_Fraiser sighed. "About seven weeks"._

"_Did you know?" there was a river of accusation in his voice. The doctor didn't answer, and he took her silence as confirmation. "How could you not tell me?" fresh tears formed in his eyes and he blinked them back angrily. _

"_Sha're asked me not to" Janet's eyes flicked to the bed. _

_Daniel paused, following her gaze. "How could _she_ not tell me?" he asked finally. _

It was the question that had been plaguing his mind once the shock of it all began to wear off. Sha're had known about her pregnancy for almost a month, and had kept it from him. She'd denied him the joy and elation he would have felt about becoming a father…leaving him only with the bitter pain of grief. A thousand memories he would never have flashed through his mind. Daniel couldn't help but think how once again fate had dealt him a cruel hand. He couldn't even speak to Sha're, who lay there, utterly destroyed in the bed before him. He noticed how fragile she looked, as if she would break apart if he tried to reach out to her.

So he didn't. Sha're lay in the bed lifelessly, watching the rhythmic lines of her heart monitor and he sat in the chair, watching her. Daniel wasn't sure who he was angrier with, himself or Sha're. He felt deluded for not guessing his wife's pregnancy, embarrassed to admit to himself that the thought had never crossed his mind. Looking back, it was so obvious. Her demeanour, the way she had seemed so off-colour lately, so unsure of herself. God, he's even heard her throwing up in the morning once or twice. He'd put it down to the flu that had been going round, as she had assured him it was.

Looking closely at his wife, Daniel could see now all the telltale signs. Although it was not obvious, he could see now the slight swell of her belly and felt more clueless than ever. But then, it had been carefully hidden under clothing, and their lack of intimacy denied him the close knowledge of her body that he had once had. He shouldn't be surprised, Daniel reasoned with himself. After all, they had never used protection. But then again, there was no form of birth control on Abydos either, and yet there had been no indications of pregnancy during that year.

Maybe he hadn't wanted to see. With all the stress and worry of the past few months, with Sha're's precarious health, maybe a part of him didn't want to know about the child. But Daniel couldn't believe that. Whatever additional pressure a baby may cause in their lives, he knew that he would have been happy to become a father. But that chance had been snatched away from him, like so many things in his life. Like his parents. Like Sha're –

But Sha're was here. And yet, Daniel couldn't reach her. That, or he didn't want to. The reasonable part of him stressed that she was in physical pain, as well as emotional, and that she probably had her reasons for keeping the baby a secret. Unfortunately, in times like this, Daniel rarely listened to that part of him. The overwhelming emotions of betrayal and anger instead took root in his heart and mind. He had held her when she had first woken, so relieved that she was alive nothing else had mattered. But now he was raw was the grief of it all. He was too tired, too upset to think about how he might hurt Sha're, and frankly, he almost didn't care.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, unable to soften his words. His tone was harsh, and Sha're visibly flinched.

She took a deep breath, and let it out again. Daniel saw her clutch the bedsheet with one hand as she tried to form her words. "I don't know" she finally whispered, refusing to look at him. "I…I was…going to tell you".

"When?" he shot back, unable to keep his anger inside. "When it was born? You thought you'd just drop by my office and say, 'Oh, by the way, Daniel…"

Sha're burst into tears again, drawing her hands to cover her face. She turned into the pillow and sobbed. Daniel closed his eyes in frustration. This was not the way he should be handling this. He did care that she was upset, that he was hurting her even more. That every word from his mouth stabbed her heart with even more pain.

"I'm sorry" he said, gently this time, as he moved to sit beside her on the bed. "I just don't understand".

Through her sobs, Sha're managed to speak, drawing one red-rimmed eye to look at him for the first time. "Neither do I".

Suddenly, the relative silence of the infirmary was broken by the familiar sound of the medical team rushing in. It was strange that Daniel hadn't heard them being called to the Gateroom, but then again, his mind had been elsewhere. He stood up, keeping his distance from the stretcher and nurses, careful not to get in their way. But he was close enough to know that it wasn't a member of the SGC that was injured. Through the blood and haze of white uniforms, Daniel noticed it was a Jaffa, and not one that he recognised.

"Daniel Jackson" a familiar gravelly voice from behind him called sombrely.

"Master Braytac" he acknowledged, surprised to see the Jaffa warrior beside him. "What happened?"

"We'll have to open him up" Dr Fraiser's stern voice cut through the room. "Operating room one…now!" Daniel stepped away to let the stretcher pass by him. As talented as he knew Janet to be, it didn't look good for the Jaffa. There was too much blood, the intense red staining the white sheets…blood everywhere…

"_Oh, god…it's Sha're…she….something's wrong… oh god, she's bleeding…she….she's bleeding"_

"Daniel?" the worried voice of his wife cut through the vivid memories. He felt the steadying arm of Braytac around his shoulders, helping him up. Daniel closed his eyes. He hadn't realised he'd ended up on the floor. If the room would just stop spinning…

"Daniel?" Sha're called to him again. She was upright in the bed now, holding out her hand for him.

"I'm alright" Daniel said, ignoring her outstretched hand and settled back into his chair.

"Are you sure, Daniel Jackson?" Braytac asked worriedly, keeping a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Yes…just...tell me what happened" He opened his eyes again. There. The world came into focus again. "Sha're, lay back down" he ordered softly, ignoring the pained look of rejection on her face.

"Tek'mate Braytac" Teal'c entered the room and grasped his mentor by the forearm in greeting, before repeating Daniel's question. "What happened?"

Braytac took a deep breathe before answering, glancing briefly at Daniel and Sha're before focussing his attention on Teal'c. "Chulak was attacked. By Apophis".

Daniel barely heard the sharp intake of breath from Sha're, barely saw the grim look on Teal'c's face as his jaw clenched. He looked to the ceiling, appealing to whatever true god was above them. Filled with self pity, anger and irritation he wondered what else could go wrong?


	12. Sacrifices

**Chapter 12**

Daniel shivered slightly, pulling his jacket tighter around his body. Despite the clear blue skies of Kheb, a bitter chill was in the air. He was not the only one who could feel it. SG-1, accompanied by Bra'tac, walked in silence. There was no banter from Jack, no discussion of the mission or what they might find once they reached their destination, no scientific ponderings from Sam. Daniel himself lagged behind, despite his fierce desire to find the temple of Kheb – and the boy. Perhaps that is what was bothering them all. The Harcesis child, a boy containing all the knowledge and memories of the goa'uld within their grasp. How all too easily he could slip through their fingers and into the venomous clutches of Apophis.

The Harcesis. Sha're's son. Somehow that made the journey all the more harder for Daniel. Until now, he had been able to put thoughts of the child out of his mind…to save himself the pain of remembering that his wife had a son that was not his own. To forget that out there somewhere was a constant reminder of Apophis, and the suffering he had caused them. But now, trekking through the forests of Kheb, his promise to find the boy had come to fruition. It had been a well-meaning gesture at the time, and he had researched the mythology behind the Harcesis and Kheb – but that was a far cry from knowing where the child was, and launching a retrieval mission.

Daniel couldn't help but wonder what bringing the boy back to Earth would mean. While it was not his son biologically, Daniel had brought the child into the world, heard him cry for the first time. At that moment, genetics hadn't crossed his mind as a fatherly pride had swept over him. But it had only been a moment. Watching the boy grow, knowing the power he held, knowing where he'd come from could become an unpleasant reminder for Daniel. He wasn't sure if he'd be strong enough, to look into the boy's face and not see Apophis staring back at him. Wouldn't be reminded of the child that he had lost not two days ago.

That was the most painful thing for Daniel. To know that his and Sha're's child had not been given the chance at life the Harcesis had. With the grief still all too near for Daniel, he couldn't help those treacherous thoughts from invading his mind. But he'd promised his wife. Even with all the problems they were facing at the moment, Daniel couldn't deny her that hope. He'd entered the infirmary wondering how exactly he was going to tell her about Kheb – about the mission she couldn't be a part of. He'd panicked when he'd seen her, not in the bed where he'd left her, but braced against the wall, struggling to balance herself.

"_Sha're" he called frantically, rushing over to her. "You shouldn't be out of bed". He tried to gather her in his arms, but she pulled away. _

"_I just…" she began quietly, looking embarrassed. "I needed to go to the….bathroom" she said, finally settling on the appropriate word. _

"_I'll help you-"_

"_No" she cried curtly, turning further away from him. "I don't want you to have to do that". Her voice was filled with a strange shame. "I'm…bleeding still"._

"_Oh". In truth, Daniel wouldn't have minded, but decided against trying to persuade her of that fact. "I can get a nurse…"_

"_No" she said again, less forcefully this time. "I want to hear of your meeting with Master Bra'tac"._

_Daniel nodded, before gingerly reaching for her again. He was hurt when she flinched at his touch slightly. Ignoring it, he gathered her gently in his arms and carried her back to the bed she currently occupied in the infirmary. She sank into the mattress gratefully, closing her eyes and Daniel noticed her brow crease slightly. "Are you still in pain?" he asked softly. _

"_A little bit". Sha're opened her eyes. "But tell me what has happened"._

"_Janet says you have to rest. You know-"_

"_Daniel". She looked pleadingly up at him. "Please". _

_Daniel took a deep breath. "We think we've found Kheb". He reached out his hand to stop Sha're from once again jumping out of her bed. "Hammond's approved a mission…to bring the Harcesis back to Earth". _

"_My son…"Sha're murmured to herself. Daniel noticed her hand drift over her abdomen, before shaking her head slightly. She moved to lift herself up on her elbows. "When do we leave?"_

_Caught off guard, Daniel stuttered intelligibly for a few seconds. "You want to come?" he eventually asked. And then she gave him one of those looks, the kind of looks she used to give him on Abydos before things changed. The look that said he was a fool for thinking she was not going to get her own way. In that moment, she was the old Sha're again, the young woman untouched by the horrors of the universe. Daniel hated himself for having to break her again. "Sha're…" he began, his eyes cast downward. "You have to stay"._

"_What?" she cried, sitting up more fully, her voice pained. "I've been offworld before Daniel...I can handle it"._

"_It's not that. Dr Fraiser will never release you so soon, and we leave in less than an hour". _

"_But I'm fine" she insisted. _

"_We can't take the risk, Sha're…_I_ won't take the risk". He drew his eyes towards her, hoping there was something in them to convince her._

_Sha're, uncharacteristically, gave in without another word, lying back down on the mattress. But Daniel couldn't help but notice the tears forming in her eyes. _

"_But you'll bring him back to me?" she asked softly, turning her brown eyes towards his in a final appeal. Daniel found himself reaching for her hand, and laying a gentle kiss to the back of it. "I promise". _

* * *

Daniel stared hard at the flame before him. He could do it. He knew he could.

"I can't do it".

The monk looked at him with the same peculiar, knowing gaze. "You say you seek this child to fulfil a promise".

"Yes" Daniel answered. He adjusted his position slightly on the floor, slightly uncomfortable with the change in the conversation.

"Is there another reason?" The monk inquired. Even though the monk's expression had not changed, Daniel understood that he already knew the answer.

Daniel sighed. There was no point lying. "The child has knowledge. He can help my people defend themselves against an evil enemy, the Goa'uld."

"You hate the Goa'uld?"

Daniel swallowed heavily. "The _Gould_ are responsible for everything that had happened to my wife. They enslave the galaxy, and are responsible for the deaths of millions of people. How can I not hate them?"

The monks levelled him with his intense gaze. "The man who knows hate only finds it within himself".

"What does that mean?"

"The serpent delivers the poison, yet it is the blood which carries it".

"I don't understand". Daniel was bewildered. Riddles were certainly not his forte.

The monk smiled at him mysteriously. "You carry burden's others do not. Oma can help you find the light again, if you are willing to follow where she leads".

"Will she lead me to the boy?" The recovery of the Harcesis was still Daniel's top priority.

"One cannot see the journey before it happens". The monk seemed thoughtful for a few moments, and Daniel felt uncomfortable under his inscrutable gaze. "Put your hand in the flame" he said finally.

"What?" Surely he couldn't be serious.

"Place your hand in the flame" the monk repeated, that same, strange smile gracing his face.

Daniel sighed. He had to show the monk he trusted him if he was ever going to get any information. Anything that would indicate if the boy was here, or where he could be found. And there wasn't much time, Apophis' fleet could arrive at any moment. Daniel reached out his hand slowly, hardly believing he was about to do this. Suddenly the room was eerily quiet, but not the peaceful silence that he had felt before. Daniel felt like he was being watched, scrutinised by something other than the monk's watchful eye. Trying to ignore the feeling, he placed his fingers directly over the flickering candle.

"Ah!" Daniel violently pulled his hand back. Nursing his singed fingers, he tried to ignore the pain and gave the monk an accusing look. "Why did you tell me to do that?"

"Why did you do it?"

"Because you told me to".

"Because you trusted" the monk surmised.

"Yes". The stinging pain in Daniel's hand was a tender reminder that he had always been too quick to trust people, too quick to see the best in them.

"Within you is the capacity for great trust" the monk continued. "Trust Oma Desala. Do not believe you can light the candle…believe she can light the candle".

"Is she here?" Daniel asked, connecting the dots in his head. At first he had believed whatever alien race Oma Desala was a part of was long gone from the planet. But the sense of being watched, and the monk's words made him think otherwise.

"Oma is everywhere".

"I mean physically". To be honest, he was getting a little frustrated with his lack of progress.

"There is more to the universe than the physical" the monk replied cryptically. "The child is not the reason you are here. You are here to begin your own journey".

* * *

The infirmary was beginning to drive Sha're insane. She couldn't abide the drab grey walls, the constant attention from the nurses, the guarded looks from the other patients. She felt everyone was watching her, judging her, or maybe that was the accusations of her own heart. Nothing, not even her possession by Amaunet, compared to the pain at feeling her child die inside of her. After the shock of it all had faded, Sha're was left to face those familiar, dark voices inside her soul. She was weak, shattered and exposed to the hate and taunts of the creature inside of her, the one that sounded like Amaunet.

Sha're knew that despite her reservations about her pregnancy, her unwillingness to share it with others, that she would have loved the child wholeheartedly. She would have needed time to adjust, but she believed that the child was the beginning of her new life. Already, the feeling of the life inside of her had started to lift her spirit, bring her out of the dark places she had been forced to wallow in for months. But once again, she had been cast back into the depression as the darkness moved to overtake her again.

The pain in her womb had receded to a lingering ache, but the pain in her heart intensified with each passing day. It grew as she told herself that it was all her fault. Sha're believed that it was punishment, a penance for lying to her husband. She had denied him the joy of knowing about her pregnancy, so she had been denied the child itself. She alone was responsible for her baby's death. And it was killing her inside.

Daniel was gone. Not just from her bedside, but from her life. Sha're mourned the loss of her child all the more because she believed it signalled the loss of her husband as well. She couldn't feel him anymore, they were emotionally severed – unable to grieve together, unable to be together. The pretences were all there – in the way he had held her hand, the way she reached for him. But Sha're felt his heart was distant from hers in a way it had never been before. Without either of them realising it, their love had grown cold. And that was worse for Sha're than anything she could imagine. Even when they had been parted, she had still held onto his love, but now it was gone. Sha're wasn't sure if it would ever return, however desperately she wanted it to.

Now her only other hope lay in her first son, if Daniel could bring him home to her.

* * *

The baby was beautiful. Soft olive skin, and a rim of dark hair crowning his forehead. The boys bright blue eyes stared into Daniel's own, and the two of them sized each other up. Daniel felt all his doubts, all his worries about the child disappear the instant he saw him. In the boy he saw Sha're, and not Apophis, as he had thought he would. This child was not his biologically, but, as Daniel moved to pick him up, he knew this would not damage the connection they would share. He remembered something Kasuf had told him once, late into the Abydonian night as they watched the stars together. Kasuf had said that Daniel was not the son of his blood, but the son of his heart, and that in his eyes, there was no difference between the two. Daniel felt the same way about this child.

It was then that Daniel noticed Oma Desala in the room. Unlike any alien he had seen before, she hardly seemed more than a face amid a great white light. He smiled at her, the boy nestled tightly in his arms.

"Thank you. He'll be safe with us". Looking down lovingly at the boy, Daniel turned to leave. But suddenly, he felt a wave of understanding go through him. He had been wrong. "I didn't do any of it did I?" he said, turning back towards her. All those powers, everything he'd thought he'd learnt, thought he'd understood. "It was you. You were showing your power to me…it's how you communicate with us". The next thought that dawned on Daniel almost broke his heart. "You were trying to tell me the boy is better off with you and I…I didn't want to listen" he continued sadly.

Finally, all the monk had said to him was becoming clear. The child couldn't be safe on Earth…not among humans who would use and exploit him for their own gain. Not with him and Sha're with all their burdens they had not release. Oma had the power to protect him from everything in the universe that was hunting him. But there was one thing he couldn't ignore.

"I made a promise" he said, almost pleadingly. But Daniel knew he couldn't put his needs, nor that of Sha're's, above the boys. With all of his knowledge, he needed the protection and teaching of a greater being. With a heavy heart, Daniel softy placed the boy back among the silks of his cradle, trying to ignore the way his tiny hands grabbed onto his shirt.

He wished there was another way, but could see now that were was none. The monk had told him, indirectly, that his journey lay elsewhere. He had to trust. Taking one last look at the child, mesmerising every detail, Daniel turned away, whispering a silent apology to his wife.


	13. Choices

**Chapter 13**

Daniel returned from Kheb only to find that Sha're had been released from the infirmary, and had returned to their apartment. Confused, he had questioned Janet's judgement on the matter, only to receive a frustrated tirade from the doctor on who exactly had the medical degree. Sha're was still confined to bed rest, but had been creating such a disturbance on the base that Janet had thought it best for her to return home. And Ferretti had accompanied her.

Returning to his apartment immediately, Daniel had been shocked to discover Sha're resting on the couch, seeming completely at ease. She was propped up on pillows, covered in a blanket and still didn't look a picture of health…but she was actually _laughing. _She was giggling along with Ferretti when Daniel hadn't even been able to make her smile in weeks. A surge of bitter jealousy ran through him, even though he knew it to be irrational. Ferretti had always had a repour with Sha're, even from the first Abydos mission. He knew the Major had a soft spot for her, and since his return, had been quite close to Daniel. He was also very happily married. But all of these factors didn't quell the resentment Daniel felt towards the man. To make his wife seem so carefree, so much happier than Daniel had seen her for a long time.

Clearing his throat, Daniel made his presence known in the room. Sha're's smile faded as she saw him, and he saw her eyes grow darker. He wasn't sure if it was just his presence or the fact he didn't appear to have a baby in his arms that made her expression so guarded. Ferretti had smiled broadly, oblivious to the tension that had formed in the room. He stood up, and kissed Sha're's cheek in farewell. Daniel saw him whisper something inaudible to her and huffed angrily at the sweet smile he received from her. Ferretti then sauntered over to the doorway where Daniel stood, giving him a wink.

"Just keeping her warm for you Daniel" he said, saluting him playfully before gathering his pack as leaving the apartment.

Finally alone, the silence between the pair was palpable. Daniel moved to sit beside her on the couch, but stopped short of reaching for her hand as he would have done before. But then, he would have done so many things before. "How are you feeling?" he asked finally.

There was a sharp quality to her eyes as she looked at him, though her face was impassive.

"I am well" she replied shortly. "The mission?"

Daniel took a deep breath. He couldn't seem to vocalise an explanation, so he simply stared back at her guiltily. Sha're's eyes closed and Daniel heard her sharp intake of breathe, a trait he knew meant she was trying to hold her composure. "We encountered an alien being – who had been protecting the boy from the goa'uld…from everyone".

Sha're's eyes shot open in anger. "He needs protecting from me?"

"No-" he said emphatically. "It's just…here on Earth…with the NID and every other government branch itching to get a hold of him-"

"So it's not that you couldn't bring him back" she said coldly. "It's that you wouldn't".

"Sha're, try to understand". He reached her hand, but she snatched it away violently.

"No". Sha're pushed her blanket aside and rose to her feet. "I understand" she said, walking away from him. "You didn't want to bring him back".

Daniel jumped to his feet to intercept her. Grabbing her arm, his anger resurfaced. "How can you think that? Do you know what it was like for me, to see the boy…to hold him in my arms and have to give him up? Do you?" He was almost yelling now.

Sha're yanked her arm out of his grip. "And what about for me?" she spat back at him. "I never had the _chance _to hold him. You don't know what it was like for _me, _to have one child ripped from my arms…and another ripped from my body". Tears began to spill down her cheeks. "You get to go on your great adventures, see all of those wonderful worlds…and I have _nothing_". Sobbing, she turned away from him. "I don't even have my child".

"Sha're". Daniel felt his anger dissipated, and he placed his comforting hands on her shoulders.

"Don't" she shrieked, whirling around again. "You promised me" she cried, lashing out at him with her fists against his chest. Daniel struggled against her, trying first to hold her arms, but he was unable to capture them. He instead put his arms around her body, drawing her close to him while she cried and raved. Eventually she stopped struggling against him, and let herself be held. But the tears would not stop, and her wails drowned out his soothing words. Losing her strength, Sha're collapsed to the floor, still held tightly in Daniel's embrace.

"You've held him twice" she cried softly into his chest. "My son…I've never been able to hold him".

* * *

There had been silence in the Jackson apartment for close to a week. It was a by-product of the argument they'd had when he returned from Kheb, Daniel supposed. But somehow the screams and cursing and broken glassware seemed preferable to the current state of unease between them. At least when Sha're was yelling at him he knew where he stood, knew what she was thinking. But now she kept it all under a veneer of indifference. He had known she would need time to deal with everything that had happened, but he hadn't expected her coldness. Daniel hadn't expected his own reaction either – to let her ignore him and to do the same back to her. They exchanged pleasantries – good mornings and nights, but she slept in the bed and he confided himself to the sofa.

Of course, they worked hard at keeping up appearances. He was fine, she was likewise – and no one thought to pry further into their affairs. Perhaps it was out of respect for their privacy…perhaps no one quite knew what to say. Daniel, at least, was thankful he hadn't had to face any probing questions from his friends. Unfortunately, he couldn't escape the same questions he asked of himself. The pain of losing their child and then the Harcesis weighed heavily on his heart, as did the distance between himself and his wife.

_And even if I do find Sha're, what are the chances she'll ever be the same again?_

Those cold words he had said so long ago rang clearly in his thoughts. True, he had been under the effects of the sarcophagus and most certainly not in his right mind, but he couldn't deny that there was a ring of truth to the words. Sha're wasn't the same as she had been on Abydos….he certainly wasn't. Daniel remembered thinking that once he had Sha're back, everything would go back to the way it was. God, he had been so naïve. Nothing between them would ever be the same again. It couldn't be.

Daniel fingered the small jeweller's box in his hand. He had bought it soon after returning from Abydos the first time, fresh with hope. As his search wore on with little success, it was discarded as another unpleasant reminder. He'd only just found it in the bowels of his sock drawer. Sadly, Daniel opened the box to finger the small band of gold. He'd dreamt of what it would be like to give it to her, he never imagined it would be in circumstances such as these.

Daniel was tired. He was tired of being ignored, of being pushed away. He was tired of being lied to, of fighting and of the silence that engulfed their home. Sighing, Daniel trudged to the living room, clutching the small box in his hand. He wasn't looking forward to what he was about to do. Even more than that, he hated himself for it. But he would be damned if he sat by and watch his marriage crumble to dust. Sha're clearly wasn't going to do anything about it, so he had to, Daniel consoled himself.

"Sha're?" She was curled up in an armchair, a blanket around her body and a book in her hand. She barely acknowledged his presence with a brief glance and a curt nod. This wasn't going to be easy, Daniel realised. He seated himself a safe distance away from her, on the couch.

"Sha're" he began. "I know you're ignoring me. You're doing a very good job at it".

Sha're glared at him. "What do you want me to say?" she asked coldly.

"Nothing" Daniel said, a little frustrated. "Just listen". Sha're sighed in annoyance, but put her book down and focussed her attention on him. "Uh…okay". Daniel's eyes looked to skyward for inspiration. "I know we have problems Sha're. You've kept things from me, you've lied. We're angry with each other, we're ignoring each other. And I don't know about you, but I just can't go on like this". He glanced to Sha're to gauge her reaction. Her face was stoic, but he thought he saw a glint of…something…in her eye. "I feel like we don't know each other anymore. I feel…like you're a different person".

"I am" she said, almost inaudibly, and Daniel caught the sadness in her eyes.

"I didn't mean-" realising his mistake, he tried to press on. "I know…things have been difficult. But shutting me out isn't the answer".

"And you haven't been shutting me out?" she asked, a trance of anger in her tone. "You don't include me in anything. You have this whole life that I'm not apart of".

"That's not true" he retorted.

"Yes it is. I hardly know anyone at the base…and I know you don't want me there. I'm stuck here every day, with nothing to do. The only place I know in this city is the park and that's because it's across the street! I don't know my way around, and you've always been too busy to show me".

"You know how important my work is, Sha're" he cut in, a little angry himself now.

She laughed bitterly. "Oh, I know. You never get tired of reminding me, that you have something to do that is so much more important than me, of anything I could ever do"

"That's unfair-"

"Is it?" She levelled him with one of her piercing gazes. "You know Daniel. I think you've forgotten how to be married".

Daniel almost choked on his bitterness. "I've forgotten? I'm not the only whose kept secrets…I'm not the one whose straight out lied. I'm not the one who-" Daniel cut himself of before he said something he really regretted. "I'm not the only one whose forgotten what marriage is like" he said finally.

"We both have" she whispered, casting her eyes down.

Daniel sighed. "I know. That's why…" He took a deep breath. "That's why we need to decide if we want it to continue".

Sha're looked up at him, shocked. "You…you want to-"

"No" he assured her. "I love you. I always will. But we can't even talk for three seconds without arguing".

Sha're closed her eyes in defeat. "I know" she whispered.

"We can't live like this" he continued. "It won't be easy to fix things between us, Sha're. You have to decide if that's what you want". He placed the ring box on the table between them. "I want you to have this. I want us to be together again. But you're going to have to take the first step. Things have to change, for both of us".

Sha're's eyes were still downcast, and she didn't speak. It was impossible to read her reaction.

"I'm going to Washington for a few days, there's an archaeological conference there I want to attend. We can…talk when I get back". Seeing that Sha're wasn't going to say anything, Daniel stood up and left the room. He hated leaving things this way, but he didn't have many other options. He couldn't force Sha're to come back to him, any more than he could fight her inner demons for her. It was something she had to do on her own.

* * *

Sha're cursed her husband in every way she knew how. She did it loudly too, since she was alone in the apartment. Daniel had abandoned her, physically and emotionally. She didn't blame him for saying the things that he did…she knew one of them would have had to eventually. But for leaving immediately after, not giving them the chance to even talk it out? She was furious at him for that. And yet, deep down, Sha're blamed herself. She hadn't exactly been responsive to him in the past week. She had shut him out, refusing to speak or look at him. Sha're knew she had driven him to this point, this ultimatum he had lain before her. 'Shape up or ship out' was an expression she had heard Jack use. And while she knew it wasn't as clear cut as that, it was ultimately the decision that lay before her.

But Sha're wasn't sure if she was strong enough to fight the demons in her mind. Though she had convinced everyone otherwise, Amaunet was still inside her. Not physically, of course, the Tok'ra had assured her that no traces of the goa'uld remained. But Sha're could still hear her voice, her taunting, vicious words, magnifying her every doubt, her every fear. She had become a victim of her own mind, kept in a prison of mistrust and anxiety. Amaunet was long dead, but her control over Sha're was not.

It was her own weakness, Sha're believed, that had led her to this path of destruction. She hadn't tried hard enough to fight Amaunet, to fight the ring of fear that held her captive. A fear that had made her lie to her Daniel, made her push him away. That had made her lose her child.

Sha're fingered the small band of gold Daniel had given her. He had told her, once, of the Tau'ri marriage customs. The ring symbolised their union, a circle of trust and love that could not be broken, and did not end. A tear slipped down Sha're's cheek. She had thought herself unworthy of this, of his love, of his trust, and it had cost her everything. But she did deserve it; she deserved all the happiness the goa'uld had denied her. This gift from Daniel proved it to her.

The decision was difficult, but Sha're was determined to see it thought. She would climb out of this pit of despair she had been wallowing in. She would fight through her demons, not matter how much pain it caused her. She would prove to herself that she was worthy. That she was not Amaunet, queen and mate to Apophis. She was still Sha're of Abydos, daughter of Kasuf, husband of Daniel. She would be happy again.

She had taken her first step.


	14. Closer

**A/N: **To anyone still reading this, I'm sorry for the unforgiveable amount of time between updates. I've been involved in other fandoms and simply forgot about this fic, but I do now intend to finish it. Thank you to those who reviewed and spurned me on to not leave this unfinished.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

_Husband,_

_General Hammond had given me permission to return to Abydos for a while. I have thought about what you said but I need some time with my father and brother. I hope we can talk when I get back. _

_You are very important to me Daniel. I do not want to lose you. _

_I will return,_

_Sha're_

Daniel folded out the creases of the small sheet of pieces and read it over again. It had been almost a week since he'd returned from his archaeology conference to find Sha're gone, and the letter left for him. He understood why she had not waited for him to return before leaving – they hadn't exactly parted on the easiest of terms. Maybe a little time apart was what they needed – time where he wasn't on a mission or she wasn't stuck in the apartment or on the base. And the note was a good sign. She'd called him husband, and said she would come back. And she'd taken the ring he'd given her.

He folded the note again and tucked it carefully away in his drawer for safekeeping, then focussed again on the research he was doing on the Ballard skull. It didn't seem a coincidence that they had MALP photography of a skull similar to the one his grandfather had found on an alien planet, and that Nick had always insisted the skull had taken him to an alien planet. It was difficult to remember how badly they had parted; after a fierce argument at the end of which Nick had thrown him out and told him to only come back when he started talking sense. Nick hadn't believed his theories on the pyramids any more than Daniel had believed in his tales of the skull.

He felt somewhat guilty about not getting in touch with Nick after he'd returned from Abydos, but knew that he wouldn't be any more accepted now than he was the last time they'd spoken. Daniel had all but disappeared from public view and as far as Nick was concerned, a failure. It wasn't as if he would actually tell him anything about the Stargate program. It saddened Daniel slightly, but he didn't have control over things like that. All he could do was convince Hammond to greenlight the mission so he could examine the skull up close.

And, perhaps, wait for Sha're to return.

*****

"My daughter, can I get you anything?" Kasuf poked his head into her home.

Sha're smiled indulgently. Never had her father asked if he could do anything for her. He was incredibly loving and generous, but in their culture it was her duty to make sure her father wanted for nothing, not the other way around. But since she had returned to Abydos Kasuf had almost fallen over himself to make sure she was comfortable. Sha're had a sneaking suspicion it was a ploy to get her to visit more frequently.

"I am fine, father," she replied. Kasuf smiled and nodded, but continued to hover in her doorway. "Can I get _you_ anything?"

"I am well," Kasuf answered. "But, Sha're, I have not asked before now, why my Good Son did not accompany you here."

"Dan'iel is very busy with the Tau'ri," she answered evenly.

"I know," he said. "But I have sensed a sadness in you since you have returned. Are things not well between you and your husband?"

Sha're bowed her head, and toyed with the hem of her robe. Kasuf entered the tent properly and took a seat next to her, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"My daughter, things cannot be so bad they cannot be fixed," he told her softly. "Even after you became with child, and Danyel returned – he forgave you then."

She remembered the happiness she had felt as Daniel had said that he still loved her – that there was nothing to forgive. But that was different – she had not wronged him of her own free will then. She had this time.

"It is not the same," she said, feeling tears starting to form. "I recently...became with child again."

Kasuf's face lit up. "But this is wonderful!" he exclaimed. "Unless..."

"No," she reassured him. "The child was Dan'iel's. But..." she bit her lip in hesitation. "But I lost the child." She burst into tears, and felt Kasuf take her into his arms, embracing her tightly.

"I am so sorry, Sha're," he whispered. "But surely Danyel would not blame you for that."

"Not for that," she managed to say, trying to stop her tears. "But I had not told him...I kept it from him."

"Why would you do this?"

"I don't know," she cried. "I just didn't want things to change. But they did."

"My daughter," Kasuf drew back and cupped Sha're's face in her hands. "You cannot stop change anymore than you can stop the seasons from moving on. And it is good that they do. It is right."

"I know that," Sha're answered softly. "Of course I do. But I cannot help feeling the way I do. Like my life has been stolen from me."

"Then you have allowed it to be," a voice spoke up from the doorway. Sha're looked up to see a solemn Skarra standing in the entrance of her home.

"Skarra," Kasuf admonished him sternly.

"I am sorry, father," Skarra said, although he didn't look in the least bit apologetic. "But Sha're has been feeling sorry for herself long enough." Skarra moved into the tent and took a seat beside her. "I know what you have suffered, my sister. Perhaps I did not endure as much as you – but I understand. I have had the nightmares. I have fought to break free of the demons hold, even after I returned home."

Sha're looked at him, confused. "But Klorel is gone."

"The Tok'ra removed his body," Skarra explained. "But I still felt his influence, or at least, I thought so."

"What do you mean, my son?" Kasuf asked, his arms still protectively around Sha're.

"We have lived as slaves for so long," Skarra explained. "The goa'uld used us – in every way, Sha're – kept us confined, imprisoned within our own minds. So much so that when they were removed it was difficult for me to think myself worthy again, that I was truly myself. That no one could force me to hurt others."

_Could he be right_? Sha're wondered. Had she pushed Daniel away because deep down she feared she was not truly free from Amaunet's hold?

Skarra took hold of her hands and looked at her intently. "You have to believe in us, Sha're, believe in Danyel – that we love you, and trust you. You have to believe in yourself."

*******

Sha're sat in the sand that covered the floor of the _vile an tao_, gazing up at the golden walls, at the carved symbols illuminated by torchlight. How many times had she sat in this very spot, she wondered, and watched Daniel study the room and the symbols, writing furious notes in his journal. He had always seemed so alive then, face flushed and eyes wide, talking so rapidly, trying to explain what he had discovered. She had not been overly interested at the time, of course – his words had made little sense to her. But now she had been through the Chappa-aii, and seen so many different worlds, cultures and people, she understood what had excited him so.

She also thought about what Skarra had said to her. He had been right, of course – she had been sulking, thinking only of what Daniel had done wrong, and not trying to discover why she had acted irrationally, or unfairly. Now she thought she understood, at least in part. Even though she had hated Amaunet with every fibre of her being, she realised just how difficult it had been to adjust being without her, to be truly in control of her own actions. It had not been Amaunet's influence that had lied to her husband and kept her pregnancy a secret – it had not been the goa'uld that had spoken to him so harshly, and blamed him for failing to bring her child to her from Kheb. She had eventually told her father that Shifu was lost to her as well, and Kasuf had confided in her the time he had spent with the child. Instead of being resentful or envious, she appreciated his kind words – especially when he had told her of the love he had seen in Daniel's eyes when he had brought Shifu to him. She realised how wrong she had been to accuse her husband of not wanting to bring the child home to her – how wrong she had been about so many things. And she had to accept her mistakes, forgive herself, and move on.

And yet she knew she was not completely to blame in the breakdown of her marriage. Daniel had been wrapped up in his work, he had difficulty adjusting to her presence in his life again. But she also knew she had to accept his faults as he would have to accept hers – as they had done when they were first married. For they had both spent the last two years idealising the other, to the point where reality had come as a hard blow. Now, sitting in the map room, she remembered all too clearly that in the first year of their marriage they had argued, debated, ignored each other and made up spectacularly. They'd had rough patches, but they'd always come out stronger for it.

She believed that they could get through this again – they had overcome the goa'uld – they could defeat her insecurities. Sha're had found it comforting to be with her people again, especially with her father and Skarra, who she could talk to, feeling that they understood. But she also realised that while Abydos would always be her home, she no longer felt as if she could remain. She would always feel a great affinity with her people, and while Skarra had reintegrated into his old, carefree life, she could not. Not when she could be out among the stars, with all the incredible wonders of Earth, and perhaps, the rest of the galaxy. For the first time, she felt as if she shared Daniel's passion for knowledge – she wanted to learn more about Earth, about her own heritage and that of others. She wanted to help fight the goa'uld, to work towards granting others the freedom that she had been given.

And most of all, she wanted to be with her husband. From her robes, Sha're pulled the band of gold she had been keeping close to her at all times. Finally acknowledging that she was worthy of it – she slipped it on her finger.

*******

Daniel walked through the halls of the SGC, trying to dodge people that couldn't see him to avoid being walked through, which was a very strange and unpleasant sensation. As far as he could tell, Rothman wasn't making any progress on the skull, and Daniel felt he had more important places to be. He headed towards his own lab, where he knew Sam was working, and wondered if she was faring any better. When he entered his lab, however, he found Sha're seated at his desk, legs crossed and looking forlorn, watching Sam sift through his numerous papers.

"I don't know how he finds anything ," Sam muttered.

"He calls it an organised chaos," Sha're answered, smiling indulgently. "If he were here he would be able to find anything in less than ten seconds."

Sam chuckled softly, and kept searching. "So how is everything?" she asked, shooting Sha're a cursive glances.

Sha're bit her lip. "It was wonderful to visit with my people," she answered. "But of course I am worried for Daniel. I had hoped to see him as soon as I returned."

"Ah," Sam said delicately. Daniel wondered if she had noticed that things were strained between he and Sha're. He wouldn't be surprised if she had – she was so perceptive. "You know, I'm always here, if you need to talk."

Sha're smiled. "I know, Samantha. Thank you."

Daniel felt that he should leave – it was wrong to spy on his wife and her private chat with Sam. But a part of him just couldn't give up the chance to have an insight into her mind – what she was thinking. He stayed where he was.

Sha're picked up a ballpoint pen that lay on Daniel's desk, and studied it intently. "I miss him," she said softly.

"It must be hard," Sam sympathised. "I'm sure he's fine."

"He finds trouble easily," Sha're smiled. "But he always finds a way out. But that's not exactly what I meant. I feel...as if we've been separated for a long time."

Sam stopped her searching and leant against the desk to listen. "Daniel has seemed a bit agitated lately," she admitted.

So he hadn't been as subtle as he'd thought, Daniel thought grimly.

Sha're bowed her head, studying the pen again, clearly uncomfortable. Eventually she looked up, and smiled. "When I first saw Daniel writing with one of these, I thought that it was magic." She gave a small, self-deprecating laugh. "He knew so many wonderful things that I didn't understand...I used to feel so unworthy of him."

Daniel had never heard her talk that way before – he moved forward to embrace her, but remembered that they couldn't even touch. He was forced to listen, and watch his wife lay out her insecurities.

"I didn't understand why someone like him could love me," she continued. "So many times I worried that I would be a disappointment to him – because I couldn't read, or write, or even recognise that a simple thing like this pen was just technology and not the work of the gods."

"Sha're," Sam reached forward to rub her arm comfortingly. "I know Daniel never would have thought that – he loves you."

"I know," Sha're acknowledged. She put the pen down, her fingers running lightly over the papers on his desk. "It has taken me a long time to feel worthy of him – to be worth all of energy he spent looking for me. We...argued recently, and I was so afraid that..." She took a deep breath, and smiled at Sam broadly. "But I've stopped feeling worthless," she declared. "Because that's how Amaunet wanted me to feel. To deny her any lasting hold on me will mean she truly is dead, and I am free. And I need to tell Dan'iel that."

Daniel felt his heart ache, and he cursed whatever the skull had done to him. He needed to reach out to his wife, to hold her, to talk to her and work out their differences. He'd never realised she'd felt that way. But he was cut off from her once again.

"You're so strong, Sha're," Sam patted her on the shoulder. "And we will find Daniel."

Sha're nodded. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Sam took a deep breath and let it out again, obviously considering. "Did he ever speak to you about Nick?" she asked eventually.

Grimacing, Sha're folded her arms and leant back in her chair. "Not much," she answered. "They did not part well."

"Yeah, Daniel mentioned he was not such a great grandfather."

"There is nothing worse than to deny your own kin," Sha're said. "He did not take Dan'iel in after his parents died. He always pretended that it did not bother him, but I know my husband. It left a deep mark, and I cannot forgive this Nick for that."

"Ah," Sam said. "So I take it you should not come with us to see him, then."

"I would like to give him...what is the expression...a portion of my mind," Sha're replied hotly. "But if you do not wish me to make a scene, than, no."

Sam looked like she wanted to correct Sha're's language, but evidently decided against it. "I wouldn't worry," she said eventually. "I don't think the Colonel will be going to go easy on him either," she smiled. "I'll see you later, Sha're." Sam left the room, and Sha're turned back to the desk, anger gone and shoulders slumped.

Daniel moved towards her, unable to keep away. He rested his hands just above her shoulders, wanting to be close even if he could not touch her.

"Dan'iel," Sha're whispered. "Dan'iel, I need you." She started to cry, folding her arms on the desk and resting her head on them as sobs wracked her body.

"I'm here," Daniel said, trying in vain to reach out to her, cursing the universe that once again, they had been separated. "I'm right here."


	15. Reconciliation

A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed! I am unsure of how much longer this will go on for, but I will be going partway into season 4 at the very least.

* * *

**Chapter 15**

Sha're sat beside her husband's bed in the infirmary, watching as Janet checked the wound in his side, and ugly red gash that ran in a perfectly straight line across his side. But this time it had not been the goa'uld, or a fire fight, or run in with the locals of some other world that had caused the injury. It had been his own body. Sha're hardly believed that the tiny piece of flesh they had removed from her Daniel – his appendix, Janet had called it – had caused him so much pain. It had been almost immediately after Daniel had returned from being 'out of phase', when they were supposed to be having a long and hopefully productive talk. Instead, he had been in so much pain he had collapsed before they'd even left the base, clutching his side. Sha're remembered the fear that had struck her heart in those moments – she thought he'd been dying, she thought she would never be able to explain things to him. She had resolved, as he'd undergone surgery, that she would not allow anything else to come between them, and prevent her from letting her husband know just how much she still loved him.

But then, of course, Jack had been beamed aboard an Asgard ship and he, Sam and Teal'c were now in mortal danger.

Janet finished her examination and smiled at Daniel. "You should be able to walk around now. The General says he needs you. But take it easy," she warned. Nodding to Sha're, Janet thankfully left the two of them alone.

Daniel looked up at her, and touched her face gently with his forefinger and thumb – the way he used to regard her, and study her face. "You know a part of me was afraid that you wouldn't come back from Abydos," he said softly.

Sha're looked down at him, surprised. "I said that I would," she reminded him.

"I know," he looked sheepish. "But I thought once you got there and were among your people again...I suppose I was afraid that with all the problems we've been having you would think that I wasn't worth giving all of that up for."

A part of Sha're's heart ached for him. She remembered such a lack of confidence and worthiness in him when they had first married, but she had thought she had destroyed any doubts that lingered. But, looking back on what they had been through, it was hardly surprising – she'd had similar uncertainties herself.

"I thought I would feel differently, when I returned," Sha're admitted. "As much as I love Abydos, and would want to remain there, I don't believe I could, now that I know what is through the Chappa-aii." She smiled indulgently. "I understand now, Dan'iel, that my place is with you. Where I can better protect my people."

"And mine is with you," he declared. She began to lean down, to kiss him, when a loud blaring voice came over the intercom.

"_Doctor Jackson to the Briefing Room, Doctor Jackson to the Briefing Room_."

"Do you need help, Dan'iel?" Sha're asked, placing her hand on her husband's shoulder and he attempted to rise.

"I should be fine," Daniel replied, and gingerly sat up, swinging his legs off the bunk. "I'm sorry, Sha're," he bowed his head. "Some emergency always seems to be coming up," he sighed. "I know we need to talk."

"And we will, my husband." Sha're placed a soft kiss to his temple. "Right now your friends need you more than I do."

Daniel looked at her and she was pleased to see the love in his eyes. "If it wasn't a matter of life and death..."

"But it always is" she replied, but with no resentment in her voice as once there had been. "It is the nature of your life. And mine, it seems."

"Share..." He looked as if he wanted to say something more. But she kissed his temple again to silence him, and helped him to his feet.

"There will be time for us, Dan'iel," she told him. "But we must help save your world first."

*******

The apartment once again seemed so lonely without him. Daniel had offered to take her with him to assist in the mission against the Replicators, but she had declined. She knew nothing about these creatures, and did not think she could be of any use. At least, that was what she had told Daniel. In truth, she could no longer bear being so close to him and not leap into his arms, to tell him everything. It was much harder to keep her distance when he was so close to her, and she felt it selfish to do such things when he was so worried about his friends, and his world. Not that being alone in the apartment had been easy, but she had been able to fully come to terms with the place. Daniel's apartment had become her home, not just her residence as she had felt before. She no longer belonged on Abydos, it was here, with her husband, with his friends that had become her own as well, with the SGC where she could fight against the goa'uld.

She heard Daniel's key in the lock and jumped off the couch, running to greet him as he entered. She had intended to do so gracefully, but instead flung herself into his arms as soon as he stepped through the door.

"Ooff," Daniel exhaled as her weight fell upon him. Sha're tightened her arms around his neck and gave him a fierce hug, which he soon returned, his head buried in her hair. "It's been a while since you greeted me like this," he murmured, placing a kiss to her collarbone

"I know," she answered, and then pulled back to arms length. "Is all well?"

Daniel nodded. "Jack, Sam and Teal'c are all safe, and the Replicators were destroyed."

Sha're breathed a sigh of relief. "That is wonderful news."

"Yes," Daniel answered. "But there was a moment there..." he paused, and licked his lips, the way he did when he was nervous, or saddened. "I had to give the order to destroy the Russian sub, while Jack and Teal'c were still on it." His eyes looked beyond her, troubled with demons and no doubt reliving the memory. "Luckily the Asgard beamed them out in time. If not..." He shook himself and his eyes refocused on her. "But I don't want to think about that," he said firmly, brushing her hair out of her face. "I want to think about you."

"Come," Sha're said, leading him back to the couch, "Let us sit." She winced inwardly at her unnecessary formality. Occasionally, she still had trouble with the intricacies of the Tau'ri language. Luckily Daniel did not seem to notice, and if he did, he chose to say nothing. They sat on the couch together and Sha're took her husband's hand, but not feeling quite comfortable enough to settle back into the cushions. Instead she perched somewhat uneasily on the edge, her back ramrod straight and shoulders tight.

Sha're took a deep breath, and steeled herself for the conversation she had practiced so often in her mind. "First of all," she began, "I want to say that I am sorry." She looked Daniel directly in the eyes, hoping he could sense her sincerity. "I am sorry for lying to you about the child. I know it was wrong of me."

"Why did you do it?" Daniel's voice was soft and un-accusing, but she still sensed his deep loss and pain.

"It is difficult to explain," Sha're said awkwardly. "But up until recently, I believe I did not truly feel free of the demon Amaunet. I knew she was gone, but I had lived for so long under her rule that I felt...tainted by her."

Daniel moved closer to her, and softly rubbed her back in comfort.

"I know it was unreasonable, but for years I had watched myself hurt others – especially you," she continued. "When I closed my eyes all I could see was myself harming others, my voice giving to orders for people to be tortured or killed...I saw you hurt trying to save me, to birth my child...I saw my own hand stretch out to capture you in the ribbon device."

"And so you kept me at a distance...to protect me from yourself," Daniel finished for her.

Sha're nodded, feeling tears begin to form again. "I just wanted things to go back to the way they were – before all of this. It was stupid, but I thought that if I didn't admit to you that I was with child again, then it wasn't really true. That it wasn't really happening." Sha're could no longer hold back her tears, and they spilled across her cheeks. Her hands immediately moved to cover her eyes and shame, but Daniel stopped her. He held her wrists, and moved them back down to her lap, then reached to cup her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him.

"Please don't hide from me anymore," he whispered, and kissed her tears away. "I am here for you, and I will try to understand."

"I would have loved the child," she cried. "How could I not have? He was part of you, and part of me – of our love. But...I am not ready," she admitted. "I want to have a family with you Dan'iel, but now...I can barely cope with just the two of us."

"I know." Daniel folded her into and embrace and stroked her hair softly as he held her to his chest. "I should have been more understanding when it happened...I just felt so hurt and betrayed," he said honestly. "I didn't understand why you kept it from me. But I do now. It's okay."

"And I am sorry I accused you of not wanting to bring Shifu back to me," she told him, managing to quell her tears for the moment. "I was wrong. I know you would have loved him like your own."

"Yes, I would have," Daniel agreed. "I am sorry I have been ignoring you. I didn't realise until it was too late – I thought you had recovered. It was foolish of me to think it would be so quick. And I punished you for it."

"No-"

"Yes I did." She heard Daniel's voice crack with emotion. "I didn't fully understand the consequences, or long-term effects of you recovering from Amaunet. I thought that once you'd opened up to me, you were fine. It was stupid of me, and I was...preoccupied with other things."

"I never want to come between you and your work for the SGC," Sha're told him. "But I was so lonely –and I blamed you for it. The truth was I was afraid to do anything but sit here and feel sorry for myself."

Daniel kissed the top of her head. "It seems like we've both been foolish."

Sha're looked up at him. "Can you forgive me?"

Daniel smiled – that wonderful, honest smile that made her believe she was the only person in the universe. "Of course. Can you forgive me?"

"Always." Sha're smiled in return. "I love you, my Dan'iel."

"I love you too." Daniel leaned down and kissed her gently.

Never had she been so relieved to hear those words, and she responded eagerly, her arms winding around his neck to pull him closer and deepen the kiss. It had been so long since they had kissed this way, and she felt the passion between them flow back as if it had never been gone. When Sha're pulled away, they were both breathless, and she had to smile at the flush on Daniel's cheeks and the ardour in his eyes.

"Come," she whispered to him, and took his hand, leading him to their bedroom. He followed readily, seizing her around the waist and kissing her neck. She laughed and spun around in his arms, drawing him in for another kiss as she pulled him back onto the bed and immediately began removing his clothes.

He moaned against her mouth as she explored his body as he desperately tried to undress her as quickly as she was managing to do to him. "I've missed you," he murmured as he divested her of her blouse and found her flesh. It had been so long since they had explored each other in this way, and were each anxious for one another's touch.

"Love me, my Dan'iel," she whispered, before capturing his mouth once more.

********

Daniel sighed contentedly as he ran his hand down Sha're's side until it came to rest on her hipbone. Moonlight streamed in through the window, and he was reminded of other nights like these, when Sha're would fall asleep after they had made love and he would simply be content to watch her breathe in an out. He had almost given up hope of ever having the opportunity again, but he had been blessed. He finally understood why Sha're had acted the way she did – and he could not blame her for it. Perhaps she should have opened up to him sooner, but also knew that he should have been paying closer attention to her recovery. And he knew that the journey was far from over – they would still need to work together so that Sha're was free from her PTSD – or whatever it was. He would not make the same mistake again, and believe her cured just because it was convenient for him.

Sha're stirred in her sleep, her brow crinkling as she murmured intelligible words. Daniel wondered if it was the beginnings of another nightmare. Just in case, he shifted closer to her, hand stroking her face comfortingly and placing a soft kiss to her brow. Blinking drowsily, Sha're opened her eyes, and smiled when she saw Daniel.

"Nightmare?" he asked.

"Yes...no...sort of," she admitted. Daniel raised an eyebrow and her, and she chuckled softly. "I was dreaming you had gone off on another mission, that you were hurt and I could not get there. But you're here."

Daniel smiled. "Yes I am."

"You won't always be, though," she told him with a hint of sadness. "You won't always be there when I wake up."

"No," he replied carefully. "I want to, but..."

"It is right that you travel through the Chapa-aii," Sha're told him firmly, wriggling closer to him, and resting her head on his chest. "It is selfish to want to keep you all to myself." She took a deep breath. "But I am lonely here, sometimes, Dan'iel."

"I know." He put his arms around her. "Perhaps we can find something to keep you occupied here." He racked his mind. A book club? He remembered how much she'd enjoyed the novel Sam had leant her. It would be almost impossible for her to get a job, not with no formal records to speak of. Perhaps she could enrol in the local college and take some classes?

"Actually, I do have an idea," Sha're said nervously. She sat up, and drew the sheets around her.

Daniel gave her a wry look for her modesty, but she playfully swatted him on the shoulder. "This is important, Dan'iel," she told him mischievously. "I do not want you to be...distracted."

"You know me too well," he grinned. "Tell me this idea." He was curious to know what she'd come up with.

"I thought perhaps..." he paused nervously. "I thought I could help with the Chap...I mean the Stargate."

"How?"

Sha're gave him a nervous smile. "You may think I do not listen when you speak about your histories, but I do...most of the time," she admitted. "I have learnt a lot, and read some of your books. I thought I might be able to help with your research, at least with the goa'uld. I do not know how their technology works, but I do know many things about their society, and have learnt many things about Earth culture."

Daniel felt incredible stupid that the thought had never crossed her mind. They'd discovered early on that Sha're had virtually no access to the goa'uld genetic memory, and had thus saved her from interrogation at the hands of the NID. But she obviously did remember many things that Apophis had told her, or what Amaunet had thought, that could be useful to them for research purposes. He had a few research assistants, but there was so much work from SG-1 and other teams that it never seemed to all get done. And she had always been eager and quick to learn.

"I know I am not as smart as your people, Dan'iel," Sha're said quite timidly, obviously taking his silence for rejection. "But surely I can help you in some way, and then I will be on the base, with others to talk to, and-"

"Sha're," he pressed two fingers to her lips to silence her. "I think it's a wonderful idea."

Sha're's face lit up. "Really?"

"Yes," Daniel grinned. "In fact, now that I think of it, we could use someone to teach the goa'uld language. I've been meaning to do it for some time now, but am always busy with my other work, as is Teal'c. And you're far more fluent than I am."

Sha're blushed, and kissed him full on the lips. "I would be honoured to teach your people, Dan'iel. As you taught me your language."

"Well, maybe not using quite the same methods," Daniel teased her, remembering how he'd taught her the parts of the body, making her say the English word as he kissed each area. "And another thing," he said, turning very serious. "I don't ever want to hear you say that you're not smart enough, or inferior in any way." He remembered her haunting words to same when he'd been out of phase, that she'd felt inadequate and unworthy of him because of his education and intelligence. "You're clever, Sha're," he told her firmly. "You're a fast learner, and enthusiastic, and practical. Don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise."

Sha're blushed under his praise, and reached for him again. "I know, Dan'iel," she whispered and she kissed him softly. "You have made me feel worthy."

Daniel drew her closer, and gently pushed her back down into the softness of the bed, leaving a trail of kisses down her neck. Sha're eyes fluttered closed and she sighed. "You've made me feel loved," he murmured against her skin. Then he grinned, and gently pulled away the sheet which covered her body. "Am I allowed to be distracted now?" he asked cheekily.

"As long as you _stay _distracted," she told him, her fingers winding through his hair.

"Don't doubt it," he said, and leaned back up to kiss her soundly.


	16. Settling In

**Chapter 16**

Sha're followed her husband and he animatedly showed her every detail of his office. She had of course been given the tour when she had first returned, but it had been brief and perfunctory, whereas now it was to make her feel at home. Because for the time being, at least, it was to be her office as well.

"And you can sit here," Daniel indicated the desk that stood in the middle of the room, which was where he usually lay out his more precious artefacts. "At least until I can get them to bring another desk in. I thought we'd place it in the corner." Sha're looked to where he was pointing and saw that it was adjacent to his own, where his computer was. She nodded, pleased.

"I've also organised for you to speak officially with General Hammond about teaching the goa'uld language," Daniel continued. "I've mentioned it to him and he sounded keen, but everything has to be done on the record." He smiled. "I kind of miss negotiating over a campfire."

Sha're grinned. "I'm afraid that I was much more comfortable with that," she agreed. "But I promised to learn your ways, Daniel. And it is easy to talk to General Hammond. Even if it is..." she paused and searched her mind for the correct phrase. "By the book?" She had heard Samantha use that one before.

Daniel nodded. "Hopefully that will keep you busy enough while I'm on missions, which unfortunately seems to be quite a bit." He frowned slightly, then continued. "The government seems even more intent on procuring new technology and allies."

"But this is a good thing, yes?" Sha're asked, seeing the slight shadow that passed over his face. "Are you troubled husband?"

"Yes, on both counts," he answered in a resigned fashion. "I mean yes it is a good thing, but I am troubled by it," he clarified.

"Is this to do with O'Neill?" Sha're questioned him. She'd seen the tension between the two men as they'd arrived from their last mission. Evidently there had been a disagreement between them over whether to give the natives of the planet some kind of water – Sha're hadn't really understood that part – which had led to the strain between them.

Daniel sighed and sat down at his desk. "Sometimes I forget how Jack can be sometimes – or rather, how he used to be."

Sha're remembered the distaste Jack had evidently felt for Daniel when they had first come to Abydos. But since then they had always seemed the closest of friends. "You are both passionate men," she told Daniel, and went to sit on the desk in front of him. "And you are both stubborn."

"I know." Daniel smiled and put a hand on her knee. "It's just...I knew there was something wrong with the people on that planet, and he wouldn't listen to me." He sighed again.

"And what was wrong with them?" Sha're asked.

Daniel grimaced. "It is hard to explain – there was no equivalent on Abydos. But essentially...they believed that their physical characteristics, their race, was superior to the others on their planet. They wanted to eradicate them."

"Like the goa'uld?" Sha're asked. The goa'uld, she knew, only chose hosts that they considered physically beautiful, and the rest were far below them.

"Not really," Daniel continued. "These people were all the same. We call it Caucasian here on Earth. Pale skin, fair hair and eyes."

"Like you and Samantha," Sha're observed. "So..." she was beginning to see his point. "People who looked like me, and Teal'c..."

Daniel nodded. He made a sour face. "Unfortunately it has also been a problem here on Earth."

"Really?" Sha're thought back to her months on the planet. She had never encountered what she believed to be anyone treating her as unworthy based on her appearance. "Am I-"

"No," Daniel hastily told her, and squeezed her knee gently. "It is not such an issue now."

Still, Sha're made a mental note to look it up later on Daniel's computer. "But it was on the planet."

"Yes, and we almost gave them the opportunity to further their hate." Daniel looked sad, and Sha're took his hand in her own.

"Would you like me to talk some sense into Jack?" she asked, only half-joking.

Daniel smiled. "He did apologise. I think he understands now."

"Good." Sha're hopped down from the seat on his desk, but held onto his hand. "Now you were going to show me the translations that needed to be done?"

Daniel obediently rose. "Eager, aren't you?"

Sha're laughed lightly. "Always."

*********

Sha're tapped away at Daniel's computer and then leaned back in her chair as she waited for the next page to load. She let out a long breath and stretched. It was very tiring, sitting at a desk all day. She scolded herself for being out of practice – on Abydos she used to grind flour in the morning, cook the meals, do the washing, trade in the market and assist Daniel in his explorations day after day. She had spent too long lounging around his apartment and doing nothing. While she was grateful for the luxuries he had introduced her to – the dishwasher, the washing machine and the computer, she couldn't help but think it removed much-needed activity from the day. That and the medication she had agreed to take to keep control of her emotions often left her tired and unsettled.

She swivelled around on Daniel's chair to face the other occupant of the room, bent over a tablet he was in the middle of translating.

"Nyan?" she asked the young research assistant. "How is your work coming?"

The young man looked up at her and smiled nervously. He always seemed a little nervous, but she attributed that to his experiences on his homeworld, which Daniel had explained had been less than calm. At least they had that in common. "To be honest, I could use a break," he said, and sat up fully.

"Me also," Sha're said, and then belatedly realised that her phrasing was not exactly correct. But if Nyan noticed, he ignored it.

"Do you...have any more of those cookies?" he asked shyly, ducking his head.

Sha're laughed. "I am sorry, not today," she answered. "But I will be sure to make some more soon."

Nyan grinned in return.

"So..." Sha're began, looking down at her hands clasped in her lap. "Have you met Shau'nac?"

"You mean the lady Jaffa that came through the Stargate?" Nyan looked thoughtful. "No, but the rumours have been flying pretty thick and fast around here."

"Oh?" Sha're couldn't help it – she'd always had a weakness for gossip, and Daniel had not told her much.

Nyan nodded gleefully. "They say that Teal'c spent the entire night in her quarters."

"Oh." Sha're pursed her lips. She wasn't sure what she thought about that.

"Is it true that she can communicate with her goa'uld?" Nyan asked.

"That is what she says."

"You do not believe her?" Nyan questioned, looking rather shocked.

"It is not that," Sha're sighed. "It is just that I have never known a goa'uld to be anything but evil. Their genetic memory almost makes certain of it."

"What about the Tok'ra?" Nyan argued. "I have been studying their history quite a bit recently. Their founder and first queen must have had the genetic memory, and yet she broke away."

"That is true," Sha're agreed. Perhaps she was being too hard on the Jaffa priestess. If she was telling the truth it would mean there was hope out there of persuading more goa'uld to join their cause. Or perhaps the reason she was a bit distrustful of Shau'nac was her obvious attachment and affection for Teal'c, and his own reciprocation.

******

"Does he not have a wife?" Sha're asked her husband as they were preparing for bed that night and they were discussing her misgivings.

Daniel nodded. "Drey'auc is living in the Land of Light."

"But they are still married," Sha're pressed on. "And yet he cavorts with Shau'nac in her quarters?"

Daniel gave her a stern look. "Have you been listening to base gossip?" he asked.

Sha're shrugged. "Is it not true?"

Daniel sighed. "That's what I've heard. From Jack."

"The biggest gossip of them all," Sha're pointed out.

The tips of Daniel's ears went red. "Not about important things," he argued. "And not to just anyone." He got into bed and indicated for Sha're to do so as well. She did, curling up against his side as he put and arm around her and placed a tender kiss to her brow. "I believe Teal'c and Drey'auc are still married. But separated."

"We were all but separated not too long ago," Sha're told him softly. "But I know you would not have dreamt of being with another."

"That's true." Daniel held her a bit tighter. "But there is so much we don't understand about Jaffa society..."

Sha're snorted. A flimsy excuse in her opinion. "I am glad that your society is not that way, Daniel."

"Well, in theory..." Daniel answered.

"Yes, but the principle is there," Sha're continued and then took a deep breath, for what she was about to say had been on her mind for several weeks. "I have been researching your Earth customs," she told him proudly. "_To have and to hold_," she repeated what she had since memorised. "_For better or worse,_ _in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, till death do us part_."

"That's one custom." She could feel him smile against her hair.

"I like it," she told him, and then spun around in his grip so that she could see his face. "I...I would like to be married by your Earth customs, my Dan'iel."

Daniel furrowed his brow. "Our Abydonian marriage was declared valid."

Sha're shook her head; he had misunderstood her. "I know," she told him. "But I want for us to be married here, on your Earth. With the people who have become your family." She had seen images on Daniel's computer of white dresses and cake and men in fine suits and friends gathered together. She was a little confused by the many different kinds of ceremonies she had researched, but she knew she wanted it in _some_ form.

"You do?" Daniel looked a bit surprised, and perhaps a little pleased. "Really?"

Sha're smiled and kissed him. "Yes," she whispered against his lips. "And I would happily undergo any other ritual that included me standing before others and declaring my love for you." She pulled back slightly to regard him. "And it would be nice, considering everything we've been through. Almost like a fresh start."

Daniel grinned and pulled her to him. "Alright then," he said softly.

********

A few days after SG-1 had returned from the Tok'ra base, Sha're went off in search of Teal'c. She found him undergoing Kel'no'reem in his quarters.

"Am I interrupting?" she asked softly as she hesitated at the door to his modest room.

"Enter, Sha're Jackson," Teal'c's low voice said, and he opened his eyes. She moved to sit cross-legged across from him. "I assume you have come to offer your sympathies."

"Yes," she answered. "It is a blow to our cause – and of course for you to have lost someone close to you."

Teal'c cocked his head. "You did not approve of Shau'nac and myself." It was not a question.

"It is none of my business," Sha're acknowledged. "But no."

"You are the only one to tell me that," Teal'c said. "Yet I know the others felt the same way."

"They were glad to see you happy," Sha're told him. "If only for a short while."

"And no doubt Shau'nac's failure to turn her symbiote's mind against its genetic memory is troubling to you," he added.

"Yes," Sha're acknowledged.

"You had hope that if she had been successful, that there would also be a chance for your son."

Sha're swallowed heavily. "Yes." She struggled to keep tears from flowing. "And I wonder if this – _being_ – you met of Kheb...would she even be trying to remove the evil taint from him? Is it even possible, if a Jaffa could not?"

"There is always hope, Sha're," Teal'c said, far more softly.

Sha're looked back up at him and gave him a small smile. "I am sorry, Teal'c," she said. "I came here to comfort you and you have ended up comforting me."

Teal'c inclined his head slightly. "You are being honest with me. In return I feel that I must be honest with you." He sighed. "In truth I envy you and Daniel Jackson."

Sha're looked at him, confused. "Why?"

"You were able to bridge the distance between you, to overcome your past troubles and share your love once more. This is something Drey'auc and I were not able to accomplish." Teal'c bowed his head and continued. "My love for her is great, but we could not find a common ground to live and husband and wife once more. I thought perhaps with Shau'nac, things may be different."

"I'm sorry I judged you, Teal'c," Sha're told him softly. "It was not my place to do so."

"I forgive you, Sha're Jackson," Teal'c looked at her again, but this time, seemed a little less burdened. "Never forget how fortunate you and Daniel Jackson are, to have found one another."

Sha're smiled. "I won't," she promised him.


	17. Again and Again

**Chapter 17**

"So...how many of these loops have you been on?" Sha're looked at Jack; sitting across from her at the commissary table, playing mindlessly with his food.

"Lost count." Jack began building a pyramid with his jello.

"And you've decided to use this free time to do..." Sha're gestured with her fork. "What exactly?"

"Lots of things," Jack answered, eyes on the tiny American flag he placed on the top of his pyramid. "Learnt some pottery, hit a golf ball through the 'gate...always wanted to do that...flooded the locker room and surfed down the hallway, fired Siler...lots of fun things."

"In other words, nothing productive?" Sha're raised an eyebrow at him and took a spoonful of her chocolate mousse.

"We tried to help Daniel with the translations, but it is so..." he sighed. "Boring!" He shook his head in exasperation and his jello-pyramid tumbled down. "I don't know how he does it all day."

"Well, it looks like you're going to have to get used to it," Sha're smiled at him. "Otherwise you're stuck this way."

******

"So...how many of these loops have you been on?"

Jack looked at her from over the castle he was constructing with his breadsticks. "You've already asked me that."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Sha're sat back into her chair. "I can't remember." She paused and drummed her fingers on the tabletop. "What haven't we talked about?"

"Nothing," he answered. "And don't even try to tell me that story about Daniel grinding the yufetta flour again. I've heard it, and as funny as it was the first ten times, now it is getting a little old."

"Oh." Sha're racked her mind. "Did I tell you about the time he fell into the ravine?"

"Yes."

"What about when Skarra accidently poisoned him?"

"Yes."

"Him trying to get out mastages to mate?"

"Yes, and yet me say once again – ew."

"Hmmmm." Sha're thought harder. "I can't think of anything else."

"What about the time he got caught in a sandstorm, lost his clothes and had to walk back through the entire city naked?"

Sha're gasped. "Did I tell you that?"

Jack grinned cheekily. "No, that was just a wild guess." He laughed heartily. "And now I'll never let him forget it."

***********

"So...how many of these loops have you been on?"

Jack put his head in his hands and sighed hopelessly.

"I take it we've already had this conversation?" Sha're asked, taking a spoonful of her chocolate mousse.

"Many times." Jack's voice was muffled by his arms. He looked up. "And please, no more Abydonian stories. I already have enough material to blackmail Daniel forever."

"Have I told you about the wedding?" she asked. "I have read that June is the ideal time of year..."

Jack raised his hands in submission. "Please, no more about the wedding. It's great and all, but I feel like your maid of honour or something."

"Very well." Sha're bit the inside of her cheek in contemplation. "What should we talk about?"

"I think we've covered everything."

"Oh." Sha're lowered her eyes. "Would you like me to leave you alone?"

"Nah, that's okay." Jack smiled grimly. "My only other option is to go and help Daniel and Teal'c with the translation and I'm still not quite bored enough to do that."

"Alright." Sha're pushed aside her pudding. "I take it I've already berated you on frivolously using the time to do things you wouldn't usually."

"Yep."

"Hmmmm." And then, I thought came to Sha're. "How is your wife?"

"What?" Jack looked shocked. "You mean my ex-wife."

Sha're shrugged. "I have not asked that before, have I?"

"No, and I don't know why you're asking it now," he admitted.

"Well, whenever I go over to your house I always see pictures of her," she explained. "And I always wonder why you never seem to talk about her, or try to keep in contact with her."

"We keep in contact," Jack seemed a little uncomfortable. "Sort of."

"I think you still love her."

"What?"

Sha're nodded, carefully cataloguing his reaction. "Now I am certain of it."

"Listen, Sha're," he spluttered. "You don't know what you're talking about. It is perfectly natural for a guy to keep pictures of his ex-wife, and call occasionally to see how she's going, and wonder what she's doing every now and then."

"Perhaps," Sha're agreed. "Daniel told me what happened when the Unity took on your likeness. He said that you still seemed to have love for her then."

Jack looked as if he wanted to throttle Daniel. "There's a difference between...having love for someone and...wanting to work things out." He grew quiet and thoughtful. "I just know that every time Sarah looks at me, she sees Charlie, because I do every time I look at her."

"Perhaps that is not such a bad thing?" Sha're reached out and touched his hand. "Couldn't you keep his memory alive together, and...perhaps, find a way to each other again."

Jack shook his head. "Sorry, Sha're, it doesn't always work like that. And even if I did go and see her, how do I know she'd even want me there?"

"Isn't that the point of the predicament you're in?" Sha're reminded him. "Go to her, tell her how you feel, and if she hates you for it, well...the loop will start again and she won't even remember it. But if she is receptive, you know you can try again when time gets back to normal." She smiled at him, very pleased with herself. "Perhaps this is why you have been doing such outrageous things," she continued. "You've been doing things to keep your mind from the real possibilities – the actions that could actually have an effect on your life." She looked at him keenly. "Well?"

Jack gathered his tray, his expression inscrutable. "Excuse me." And he left.

*******

"Hard at work, my Dan'iel?" Sha're hugged her husband from behind, arms wrapping tightly around his waist as he wrote furiously on the blackboard.

"Yes, and it seems I am the only one who is." He sighed. "Teal'c's off doing god-knows-what and I haven't even seen Jack since this morning."

"I was just in the commissary with him," she said, and Daniel turned around to face her, but she didn't release her grip. "I asked if he wanted to have lunch with me, but he said he had things to do." She furrowed her brow. "He also asked me to have jello instead of mousse, for some reason." She shook her head.

"So it looks like there's no one to help." Daniel sighed and threw away his chalk in frustration. "They're both off doing whatever they like, no consequences."

"Apparently that was your idea," Sha're told him.

"I know." She saw his jaw clench, as if inwardly berating himself.

"Are you certain that they are telling the truth?" Sha're asked him, changing the subject before he beat himself up any more over it.

Daniel nodded. "Pretty sure. Either that or they're both able to predict the future."

Sha're smiled to herself and ran her hands over his belly, her fingertips resting lightly on the top of his belt. "Then surely they are not the only ones who can take advantage of such a situation?" She rested her cheek against his back and smiled.

"And what are you planning to take advantage of?" He asked, feigning ignorance. "Or should that be _who_?" He turned around in her grip and cupped her cheeks in his hands. "You realise that it would be very unprofessional to use this office for anything other than work," he added seriously.

But Sha're could see the mirth in his eyes, and knew he did not have such serious objections. But she played along, anyway, giving him a coy look. "What does it matter?" she asked, standing on her toes to move her mouth closer to his. "The day will be reset and no one will be the wiser." She brushed her lips ever so gently against his own.

"Not even us," he added softly, stroking her cheek.

She grinned. "Then we will have to enjoy the moment for what it is." She kissed him again to stop any further arguments, and was pleased when he responded enthusiastically, arms wrapping around her waist and pushing her gently back against the desk.

"Wait," she pulled away, turning to the clutter on the desk. "I've seen this on the television." She reached out her arm in a sweeping motion.

"Wait!" Daniel caught her arm before she could do any damage, and picked up an artefact with his free hand and placed it on the bookshelf, out of harms way. "Okay," he released her and nodded, grinning. "Go ahead."

Sha're rolled her eyes, but then went back to the task at hand. She swept her arms across the clutter on the desk, causing papers and stationary to go flying.

"You know," she said as she drew him close again. "When the day repeated itself the artefact would have been restored."

Daniel grasped her hips and lifted her onto the desk.

"I know," he told her in between kisses.

Sha're giggled as she wound her arms around his neck. "You are a strange man, my Dan'iel."

"I know that too." He smiled against her lips.

******

"So how many loops did you go through?" Sha're eyed Jack across the table.

Jack sighed. "You don't want to know."

"It must have been a great opportunity, though," she answered, clearing the last bit of salad of her plate. "To know that the day will always begin again. You could have done anything, and it would not have changed in the long term."

Jack smiled mysteriously. "I wouldn't say that."

"Oh?" she inquired. "What happened?"

Jack shrugged and didn't answer, so Sha're knew that he was keeping something from her. But she decided not to pursue the matter, knowing how Jack liked his privacy respected, even from his closest friends.

"A June wedding sounds great," he said suddenly. "You were telling me about it during the time loop," he explained, seeing her confusion.

"Barring any intergalactic emergency," Sha're grimaced.

"I'm sure it will all work out," Jack reassured her, leaning across the table to pat her on the hand.

She hoped it would – the last thing she wanted on her wedding day was an Asgard beaming into the ceremony, or news from offworld that would require the attention of SG-1. She knew there would be no one to blame if such a thing did happen, it was the nature of their lives – but she wanted her wedding to Daniel to be a normal Earth wedding, with no alien interruptions.

She was about to tell Jack this when out the corner of her eye she saw Janet enter the commissary.

"There is Janet," she told Jack, indicating the doctor who was picking out her lunch from the dishes on offer. "I'm sorry Jack, I need to speak with her."

"Well, I should be getting back to...work anyway," he said and picked up his own tray. "Carter said something about...something. Thanks for the chat, Share. As always." He shot her a wink as he headed to dispose of his tray and leave the room, nodding to Janet as he passed her. The doctor soon saw Sha're and took Jack's place across the table.

"How are you feeling, Sha're?" Janet asked her.

"I am well, Janet," Sha're answered with a smile.

"I have been worried that the time loop would have had an effect on your medication," Janet admitted. "You haven't felt any side effects?"

"Not that I can tell," Sha're answered truthfully. It seemed that they had finally found the right combination of pills to relieve her depression, and yet didn't have drastic side effects.

"Good," Janet nodded.

"I have been feeling slightly tired, however," Sha're told her. "As you know General Hammond has allowed me to organise a program to teach the goa'uld language, but I have been unable to work on it properly."

"Perhaps we should adjourn to my office to talk?" Janet suggested.

"No, that is fine," Sha're told her. There were only a few people in the commissary, and none of them were sitting close enough to overhear. "I don't want to disturb your lunch-"

"No, no, go on," Janet smiled. "I would just give the new medication time to settle, and remember not to push yourself too hard. I think it is a good thing to keep your mind occupied with teaching, but don't exert yourself too much."

"I will try not to."

"Also..." Janet hesitated slightly before continuing. "Sha're, I think it is time for you to talk further about your experiences."

"What do you mean?" Sha're asked.

"This sort of thing is not my specialty," she explained. "Dr MacKenzie-"

"No," Sha're said firmly. "It's just...I feel much more comfortable with you Janet," she continued more softly. "If I were to have sessions with MacKenzie, I don't feel that I would be able to be fully honest."

Janet nodded. "If that is what you would like," she said kindly. "But at least allow me to consult with Dr MacKenzie sometimes, for his opinion."

"That would be fine," Sha're agreed. "It...it does feel better to talk about it," she admitted, bowing her head slightly. "I was so worried that when I told Daniel everything – every awful detail – that things would change between us. That he wouldn't look at me the same way." She looked up again, and gave Janet a hopeful smile. "But I feel that now we are closer and stronger than ever."

"I'm so happy for you, Sha're," Janet said, her pleased expression supporting her statement. "You both deserve to be happy."

Sha're laughed lightly. "We do," she said resolutely. "I finally believe that we do."


End file.
